Sometimes the answer is no

I have heard that you may pray to G-d looking for an answer. And then he does answer, and the answer is 'no'.
This is not brought on by anything particular going on in my life, it is just a thought that has been jingling around in my head for a while. And not even as a theological thought, but a philosophical one.
What if you encountered an alien race, people from the future who knew what the answers to the secrets you wanted to know, who had the answers, and when they told you, you were disappointed. What if the cure for cancer would require you to nearly wipe a species out? What if ending poverty for 5 generations meant the death of a few billion people for a 'great leap forward'? What if ending weird climate changes in the weather had an unthinkable cost, a trade off that would ask far too much of mortal man? And what if the answer was strictly no, there is no cure, it won't end, that's the way it is and has to be?
What if the answers to some questions were staring us right in the face and because it was too negative, we don't see it? The answer to me getting thin is exercising and possibly banning all sugars (processed and natural) from my diet. That's not going to happen. I like sugar.
So back to theology, when praying and the answer is no, then what? I have heard it may mean no, not right now, later or no, not this but that.

A response

Today at the Mission has a wonderful Christ centered reaction to the incident at Virginia Tech.
Not getting a regular paper, barely watching the news, I am aware of it, but avoiding the media-fest that this is sure to come.

Tear down the temple

What if every Anglican/Episcopal Church in the world, every single one, was found the next day, in neat little piles of building materials. Kings College's huge churchy thing in Cambridge in several piles. A pile of stained glass. A pile of stone. A pile a wooden planks. Turo, same thing. A lovely, neatly packed pile of stone, another pile of glass, and carpeting, wood, and all the items contained in boxes clearly labeled with an inventory list tacked on to each one?
Imagine the news headlines. How would people interpret, if such a thing ever did happen, this miracle? How would the RC and other Christian groups react to such special supernatural attention given to the Anglicans? How would the Anglicans who really don't give much truck to that whole G-d/ Jesus thing react? What would the ABC do and what would he say?
How would KJS take the news? The property you've been suing for is in a neat pile. Do you still want it because if you take it now, you'll have to find a place to store it. And no, you can't store it in the rector's residence.
Three days after it happens, what will stand in its place?

Did we always pray for the AoC?

For the past couple of months I have noticed that my church is including the Archbishop of Canturbury. Okay yes, I really haven't paying much attention, but is this new? I did notice when we started praying for Adrian our mayor, who replaced Anthony. And really I don't think it matters because I bet during the Barry years the church prayed for Marion, lotta good that did.

Be yourself

I've been reading some of the urban planner blogs and I note where the idea is to make places cool & hip. But really there are some places that are not cool or hip and attempts to go that route make a place look like a gangly teenager whose stuffed her bra with way too much TP. You know that age when you're trying on different personalities and identitities trying to figure out which one fits. But the best advice is to be yourself, tweaked.

Love & Harry Potter

Love love? Love Harry Potter? And British accents? Then you gotta listen to Br. Giles' SQPN podcast "The Secrets of Harry Potter". I was blown away by the episode #18 Valentine's Love (mp3) where Brother Giles Alban (of the Hospitaler? Order) talks about love. All kinds. Eros, agape, whathaveyou and ties it in wonderfully to the HP series. It's not the first time I've heard Br. Giles (I guess I really should credit the SoHP writers) talk about love as a powerful magic. This reminds me of what is said in CS Lewis' The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe about love being the most powerful kind of magic that saves Aslan (if I've misinterpreted it tell me).

Mass. THE MUSICAL!

Today I attended the Our Lady of Purpetual Suffering regular Sunday mass. I have mainly attended the Saturday masses so that's what I have to compare with. On Saturday Fr. Whatshisname (I do know his name but before I just kept forgetting) would do most of the singing, as it is his job, without musical accompanment. Understandable, it is Saturday, not regular Sunday mass, but I couldn't help but notice he takes great, great joy in singing. Good for him. For Martin Luther King weekend he had the congregants sing with him a patriotic hymn. I was confused a bit by the choice of music, but whatever. And once again a great obvious joy with a tinge of showiness.
Okay, Sunday and the number of congregants, very small, no more than the Saturday evening bunch. There is music, as expected. The vocals were done by one operetic soloist, singing the music as spirituals. She was amazing, we clapped (and in church you don't clap), she was great. And as it is his job, Fr. Whatshisname, sang, but there seemed to be a bit more to it today. I'm going to call him Fr. LEV (Lift Every Voice), as whatshisname is not a good descriptor. One optional song he sang in honor of the congregation was just plain theatrical. Imagine a guy on Broadway, on stage singing the big hit, with all his might and all his joy... now throw on clerical robes. BOOM! Sunday at Our Lady.
It is Mass, The Musical! Fr. LEV will break out in song, for any reason (and maybe bug you to sing along. Come on everyone, you know how it goes, okay now just the left side...). The leading lady St. Mary, our lady and holy mother of our lord and saviour, she really doesn't do much, but the supporting female singer is a knock out with her delivery. It's Catholic so there is no breaking out in dance.
Our Lady of Purpetual Suffering is becoming dearer to my heart. I like music. Fr. LEV loves music. I guess I need to attend another Sunday to see if it wasn't a fluke. Mass. The Musical! I loved it, and will want to see it again and again until the 2nd coming.

Calling me names

I play around with my name so maybe I have myself to blame. So far this week I have been called:
Mahri, Marie, Marlyn, M****** (my birthname), and Maria. Mostly Maria.

Mission blog

There is a great blog that I can't recommend enough, Today at the Mission. What got me was an earlier post about setting up a feeding mission, where one has to acknowledge problems like trash and neighbors complaining, and my fav, opposing court orders. That's when the people you are trying to serve have court orders to stay away from other people who you're also trying to serve.
I love it because the author talks about Christ in this broken world. The world is broken. Maybe I read too much into it, but I read of Christ in those who hurt and need and suffer (Lord when did we see you hungry?), and in those who attempt to feed and help.

Organized religion

I like organized religion because the disorganized stuff gets on my nerves.

Superpower

I have two superpowers. One that I loathe and can't control, the other I love and can't control. Of course, the one I hate I get more of. The first superpower is static electricity. Yes, wearing a lot of wool does not help, but when the guys were playing with the volt-measuring thing we discovered I carry a higher electric charge than everybody else. [weakly] yea![/weakly] So I am constantly shocking myself and ruining electronics. I can't wear a watch (unless it is the springs and spokes kind). It would be neat if I could control it, build it up and zap people or things.... on purpose, as opposed to what I do now.
Anywho this morning I was full of energy, the zappy kind, and shocking myself.
But the reason I write was the other superpower came forth. My second superpower is the ability to find money on the ground. Free money. I found a nice crispy sharp $1 bill outside the Starbucks across from work. I decided not to put it into my pocket because if there was a beggar, I would give it to him. Strangely there was not a visible homeless person for two blocks, and when I hopped on the bus I put the dollar away.
I like the finding money power. My best finds was when I located L20 (now about $40) at a Tube Station in London with a fare card, but I turned it in to the station manager, and the $20 bill floating through the Dupont Circle Farmer's Market. Oh, no, I think the best best find, proving my power to me was at night, coming from RFK stadium walking with friends through the parking lot and I instinctively pick up a dollar bill. One swoop.

Jealousy

I'm jealous of Mk.
When we ride alone, just the two of us, sometimes we talk about religion and his faith journey. Anyway, we are talking and he's talking about his support network, all the people assisting him to find Christ and be a better Christian. And I'm jealous.
Well now. If I had the same buttinsky's earlier in my life I would have resented them. That was why I liked the Episcopal church, you like Jesus, cool, not too sure, that's cool too, sit back and enjoy our choir. That's why I left St. George's, they have a cool choir. TCotGL, yes, has a cool choir, but sometimes a bit too high altitude church at times.... I digress.
So now, at this very moment, I wish I had a little of Mk's support network. A little, too much and I'd probably run for the hills. I do have friends from church. Besides Spruce, we rarely talk of G'd.
Anywho, had to confess that.
Next deep question. Eat lunch at desk or go to cool restaurant to eat yummy, yummy, appetizer and remember how it is supposed to taste so I can make it home?
Lamb with yogurt defrosting in bag or cute waiters and Tuna tar-tare?
Lamb is pretty defrosted.
I'll eat it, and if I'm still hungry, $12 tuna.

Things I learn in Church

Did you know that you can like, pierce the back of your neck? I did not know that, until one day sitting in church behind a young man, with the nape of his neck pierced. Kids these days. I'm expecting to see someone get the idea to make the pierce jewelry in a pointy stud form and then make a pattern.

Closed communion, open coffee hour

That's what I took away from Dr. Ron Connor's last lecture at the CotRRBP. Closed Communion. Open coffee hour. I'd rather 'open bar', but sadly that would cause a whole set of problems.
The closed communion is, for one, to get away from the really bad, bad notion that the communion should be open to every one and their kid sister, regardless of baptism. No, according to Fr. Connor, the power of the sacraments flow from baptism. Without baptism and all that go with it, the communion is a light snack (my words not Fr. Connor's). I once argued with mummy briefly that you are not a Christian if you are not baptised. I still stand by that. You gotta get dunked or sprinkled (I think dunking is the way and a true baptism.... lingering bits of my Baptist background there).
On the open coffee hour, he mentioned something about the cliquish nature of it. Yup. So in essence it is the closed thing and the whole thing is just backwards. I could see how an open coffee hour could do more to evangelize than an all comers Eucharist. The purpose, for me, of the mass is to worship the Lord and remember his death and resurrection. Not an education for seekers. The lectures and events and programs where individual questions can be addressed and asked would seem more suitable. I learned very little of the Catholic faith by attending mass. I got some bits with the homilies. But where I really learned was in the RCIA class and more recently priest-led/produced podcasts. Places and environments of explaining the WHY one does, what one does at mass.
Still maybe an open bar if the only alcoholic choices are Chardonnay and Merlot.

Catholic mass is making me lazy, and still your issues not mine

Okay I got to the screamy baby service late. I should have left the house 10 minutes earlier than I did but I really didn't care. No really, did, not, give, a crap. I had already had the old & new testaments and the gospel from the priest at Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering with a homily, so the first 1/2 of the Episcopal service is nothing but a re-run for me anyways. Besides, the screamy baby service homilies, are only good because the potential for chaos to rein supreme gives it a kick. I got there pretty much at the end of the homily. As I wrote, re-run. 'Cept there was a chick telling the story and not a dude.
That was one of the issues I had to deal with after the Catholic mass when I and a friend got dinner at a new joint, round the corner from Our Lady. I asked to meet at the church because I saw no reason to head back to my house, meet there and then head back over to that part of town where there were eatery and bar choices. So because of the meeting outside the church I had to explain why my Episcopal self was doing at a Roman Catholic church.
I prefaced the part explanation with the fact that I tend not to vocalize my faith so I tend not to have the language to explain it well enough. Also, something I did not say, is that these things sometime come across as a challenge for me to convince the other person that RC is the true faith and answer all their questions. No, that's what a Catholic information service is for, do I look like a Catholic Information service booth, didn't think so. And once again, it tends to be other people's hang ups with the RC, not mine.
First question, how could you belong to a religion that says that women are unholy and too inferior to become priests? Good lord where do I start? There are several assumptions there, one being that I give a s**t about an integrated priesthood. I like the female priests I have encountered, but I don't really consider their femaleness essential to my salvation. I have no desire to become a priest, maybe a nun (different lifestyle and duties), but not a priest, so the whole female priests thing, not my issue. Also there are Catholic theologians, saints, teachers, etc who are women.
Then there was the priest sex-abuse scandals and celibacy. Knowing how much the RC church asks of its priests, church life can put a strain on family life. And sexual predators are attracted to certain vocations that put them in contact with children, like teaching and coaching and the priesthood. I have no major issue with priestly celibacy. If the RC ever decided to change that I gather they would take a cue from Eastern Orthodox.
I explained, the stuff he brought up were not my struggles with the RC and it is not like I haven't encountered the RC before. I'm getting annoyed (maybe it is the PMS) with having to address other people's problems with the Roman Catholic Church and the assumption that I haven't heard of or considered the cons. I am considering the cons, MY CONS. The issue of the Bishop of Rome as the head of the whole church, the RC churches past sins of indulgences and questionable theology that just seemed to ask for the Protestant Reformation and a variety of minor theological interpretations, not policies.
I also tried to explain the big Episcopal tent, not so well.
While I'm at it, what is it with this constant consensus vibe I keep getting. That we all have to be in agreement almost all the time. Can't we respectfully disagree and stick to the things we do agree on.
Ok this is getting long, I quit.

Good Curry

The smell of the lamb I cooked last night is still in the house and is haunting me. I want it for breakfast. I will have my usual breakfast of tea and crossants and if I still want creamy-yogurty spicy tender lamb, I will have a small plate.

NYE

Well Mk and Cs left here, hopefully well rested.
We deserted our first music venue for another quieter place, because Cs was getting a headache and I was getting the broken speaker effect in my ears. A band Mk knew of was playing on the other side of the District, so we hopped in the car and drove over there. We were still on the road when midnight struck.
We got to the restaurant with the band finishing up the set. The floor was carpeted but we danced anyway. There was a cover charge when I called but we got there with less than 30 minutes of the band and the staff didn't ask much of us. I ordered tea and the waiter refused payment. I left $2 which he never seemed to pick up.
After the band packed up Mk went over to do what he usually does and chatted up the musicians. Cs was slumped over on the bench, and later popped her head up and wondered where Mk was. I pointed over to the corner where the band was breaking down and she walked over in her satin semiformal, a bright bird among the rest of us black clad and casual dressers. In a few seconds time I heard piano music.
Cs played for about half an hour. A few rags, show tunes, a little jazz and some Christmas hymns. We nearly closed the place down. The band was nearly out. The big table was gone, the large Persian/ South Indian (?) family was half gone and the kids were tearing down some of the decorations. A little after 1AM we left.
The rain wasn't hard but it was hard driving for Mk and halfway to my house he asked if I could put Cs up for the night. Closer to the house I said that he should sleep on the couch.
It was about 2AM when my head hit the pillow. I kept my door open just in case someone needed something. Also I was still chaperoning.

Immigration is what you have....

...when you collectively decide not to have children.
Reading Urban Onramps' posting about an Acton Policy article about Spain's Immigration problem.
Of course, part of me is thinking if you pair it with technology that replaces more jobs than it creates (software that can get rid of 20 secretaries but forces you to bring on 20 IT geeks and a manager, not helping) and reduction of wants and needs (you don't need a guy to blow leaves around at 7AM) may help.
But no. We want cheap labor and we ain't birthing that labor locally, so we import it.... or send the job off to a Chinese labor camp.

Still with the catholic thing

...and what of trans...transub sandwich a nation? Ya, know when the Roman priest says the magic words and the dry bread and the booze become the body parts of a 2,000 year old Palestinian? Catholic myasz.
Occasionally at GetReligion or is it CrunchyCon, it is stated that the Episcopal Church is what the media wishes the Roman Catholic Church was. yeah. Nah, I'd like the Roman Catholic Church to be more like the Eastern Orthodox, without all the friggin standing, the beards and the funny hats, and with good music. I'm quite sure there'd be other things I'd add or subtract. But then the RC wouldn't be the RC.
There are still some Protestant things I find hard to shake, like the meaning of Baptism. Immacculate Conception, uh, okay whatever. Pope? Let me get back to you on that. The problems that a lot of people have with the RC aren't always the same problems I have, so we aren't talking about my struggle but theirs.

Someone is having an identity crisis

A Newark Episcopal Church targeting disaffected Roman Catholics says that they aren't a Protestant demonimation.
WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT?
Is all the British history I took wrong? Or is this one of those odd interpretations of catholicity and the Episcopal Church is Catholic the way I'm Native American? We do believe in "one holy catholic" (small c) "apostolic church" but if we say we aren't Protestants, than what are the Lutherans?

On church

Since Bc has told me when he is crossing the Bosporus (is that the name of the river) or in other words converting to Eastern Orthodoxy, I just haven't felt complelled to attend the Church of the Gay Lawyer. But since summer I haven't really been going on a regular basis. I don't think the tounge twisting liturgy (who wrote this stuff, lawyers?) and the incense are a big enough draw.
Of course, since the Adult forum classes, the double dipping and all attempts to get the good stuff from the farmers market in Dupont all come together, it is just a little out of my way to get down to tCotGL. Also the cold weather ain't helping either. Maybe a major factor is that I really like the Church of the Really, Really Blond People. The Adult Forum is great. The coffee hour rocks (yay deviled eggs). There are easy opportunities to pop in and out of charity work and minor thrills or joys that I come across. Even if I cross the Tiber, I may still want to attend tCotRRBP. That is unless Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering can beat tCotRRBP in adult education, entertainment, and munchies.

I believe

To keep this from being a rant I'm going to stay positive.
I believe in a triune god. I believe in a loving and occasionally wrathful deity with a quirky sense of humor. I do not always appreciate G'd's jokes and sometimes I get pissed off with him in all three of his forms.
I live in a pluralistic society. I am aware of the other belief systems and it has taken a while for me to find, not so much a happy medium, but peace with those other systems and those who hold those systems. Peace as in keeping my mouth shut and doing what I feel the Lord has called me to do. Christianity is also pluralistic (maybe diverse is a better word) with various forms of Catholic (Roman, Eastern Orthodox) and Protestant (Anglicans to snake handlers) expressions. I'm aware of how I'm growing in Christ, and the options of furthering that growth.
Although I admire some Orthodox Christians, I really can't see myself growing in the Orthodox church. Too far, too inconvenient, and no seating. When I lived in Hyattsville it was a bitch to get to St. Andrews or St. Georges, so I didn't go. If I have to move heaven and earth to get there, I'm not going. If I find myself nodding off to sleep, I ain't going. My Christianity is 50% love of G'd and 50% being able to wake up, drag my ass out of the house, get to church on time and stay awake. Of course you could explain work the same way, 50% love of the work I do, 50% they pay me, I don't hate anyone there, and I don't fall asleep at my desk.
It's all good.
So part of my believing is based on my staying awake. Once I'm awake, there, and fairly in agreement, then I may give money. I might even volunteer. I might get involved. I might give a part of my life in time, talent and treasure. I don't give my life to just any belief system.

And so it begins, again.

This evening I walked on over to Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering (not the real name, like the Church of the Really, Really Blond People) Catholic Church for the 5:45 Mass. Though the 5:45 mass was actually 5:30 and I got there just in time for the middle of the homily.
I haven't been in a Catholic Church since 1995. Maybe 1994. Massachusetts. That's when I chose the Episcopal Church over the Roman Catholic Church. Before I made my choice I was double dipping. I would go to both Catholic and Episcopal services, depending on my mood and who else was going. I went to St. Augustine's Catholic Church in Gainesville, across the street from the dorms and then later just a few blocks from my apartment. I would go with Steve&Donna (roommate and her boyfriend/fiance), hang out with Tourettes Mike (there were several Mikes in my life then), and try to get the Mass with Father Oliver (when Fr. Gillespie sang mass it always sounded like he was having personal problems). At Amherst I would attend with the Germans from the dorm. Achem occasionally played violin for the church and he was fun to attend with. But then I got Fr. Quigly, who when I encountered him was in an anti-cafeteria Catholics mood and very, very hard core. I was not ready for that. I needed something more palatable, and the Episcopal Church was palatable. Now, now, I think I am ready to try the hard solid stuff.

I found it funny

Revolution 21's Blog for the People: Episcopals' new poobah: Catholic = dumb****. Literally.
Interesting.
This is all about what the new Episky bishop said about catholics.

Convent

This weekend I hung out at the St. Gabriel's guest house run by the Little Sisters of the Poor (I would point to an out of date website, but why bother) in Catonsville, MD. It was a retreat that I was on the waiting list and then a few days before the retreat, I got a call saying I was in. So it didn't give me a lot of time to make arrangements, but I am thankful to Elizabeth and Bruce for getting me to and from the remote area.
I really didn't know what to expect from the retreat as I've never been on one. Never as a Baptist, and this is my 1st as an Anglican. My biggest fear was that it was a silent retreat meaning no talking and I didn't know how well I would handle that. It wasn't that bad. The only out of order words I said were "Huh?!" when I and Sister Catherine were trying to get my non-functioning radiator working. And on the last day I told myself to "Get up" and I uttered something else to myself that I have now forgotten. There was speech, but only in the prayers and we prayed 6 times+ a day with the nuns of the All Saints convent. When I got back to DC I found myself slightly missing some of the prayers, particularly compline. As one night we prayed something about dreams, and it all went well with preparing to go to sleep.
During the day I wandered the grounds. I mean a way to appreciate the little warmth of the room is to go out into the cold woods and return to something warmer. It was lovely out there. Peaceful, minus the planes from BWI. Saw some deer and some interesting birds.
So do I want to become a nun? Seriously, I don't hear G'd calling me to join a religious order. I can see what the attraction is, a loving community, the daily devotion to Our Lord, righteous work and a general well being.
Will I go again? Yes, but when the weather is better.

Where to worship tomorrow

It's another odd numbered Sunday. Screamy baby service or church of the gay lawyer? Or just for kicks random Roman Catholic Church. I'm thinking screamy babies. Mainly because Fr. Conner is doing the adult forum thing and I really don't feel like having to go from church to church, and there is a chance of rain. Also I got my main church to suck a huge amount of cash out of my checking account, whereas before I just wrote checks to whatever church my butt happened to have been in. I also made a huge monetary commitment for 2007, what the hell was I thinking?
Okay here's the plan... worship the Almighty while watching parents trying to bribe children into silence. Then listen to Fr. Conner. Then hit the farmer's market. Then bike by Immaculate Conception if it isn't raining to see when they normally have mass.
To make the step towards Catholicism work, I'm going to have to give up the Eucharist once a week or sneak it in during the week. However that doesn't seem possible as I haven't gotten into hanging out in the city after work down pat yet. Maybe when I cut out Wednesday dance night. Ugh, I don't like any of my options.

Cultural context

My neighbor scored free tickets to an Indian dance performance over at the Lincoln, so I and his partner walked over to enjoy colorful costumes and dancing.
The first half was the local dance troupe just dancing. No story that was being told just dancing. I made up my own story, which was this was a girl gang of Indian dancers who were competing with the Irish step dancing gang. Then there was the out of town troupe, and it started off well then went downhill in a sari.
It began with a fellow on stage then down the aisle came the dancers with one fellow dressed as the Elephant god, whose name escapes me, on the shoulders of the male dancers. The story, yay elephant god! That I could figure out. The rest of it was three stories. One taking place in an ancient time, a story probably familiar to Indians or Hindus, but lost on me and my Jewish companions. The MC did sort of go over the story and it's history but I'm sorry, I had no friggin clue what the feck was going on. Something about a nasty rumor against the queen and her going through adversity. Yeah.... I'm sure if I was more familiar with the Sunday school version of the story I could better appreciate the alternative view and interpretation of the story, but no. While this was going on, on stage, the boys were nodding off. We escaped after the first story.
The other problem was the hand signals and gestures. This is also based in culture, which I couldn't interpret either. I could tell that the gestures meant something. Some were universal like sadness, crying, grief, NO!, and pregnancy. The rest, don't know and that was frustrating.

October Grace

Dear Lord in Heaven
Thank you for the bounty of green tomatoes
that sit all over the house.
Thank you for the two tomatoes that did ripen.
I delight in joy,
receiving your gifts of one red and one green/yellow stripy tomato
Thank you for the sun and the rain and a good harvest of cilantro,
which with the tomatoes and a few things in the pantry allow me to
make tabbouleh.
The taste of it is out this world and the colorful sight
is a delight to the eyes.
Thank you,
Amen.

Walking in the garden

They heard the sound of the Lord G'd walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord G'd among the trees of the garden.
--Genesis 3:8

In today's adult class we had Dr. Kathleen H. Staudt, and because she is a new (to me) lecturer in the series I'm holding off any general impressions I have of her. I will say that she has the same bad habit I do of going off on a tangent, breaking up the rhythm and thought of something. I guess it will be after several lectures when I can start to trust this new lecturer. Anyway, her topic (I guess as I don't have the schedule in front of me) was the Laity or Verna Dozier Explains All.
Near the end she read one of her poems, and it had a lot of visual language in it so it was best appreciated with one staring off in the distance. It takes place the moment before Genesis 3:9 ("But the Lord G'd called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?") when G'd is walking in the garden about to meet up with Adam & Eve. Dr. Staudt imagines in the poem G'd looking forward to seeing them and wondering when they will come to notice all the joys of creation like the sea crashing on the shore. It reminded me so much of the way parents talk about their really young children who see the world with the new eyes of discovery, making things pleasing to the Lord. As a parent maddeningly happy with some craft their 5 year old made. This image held until there was a part of creating more humans, the discovery of flesh on flesh, creating flesh. I guess this was the go forth and multiply part (Genesis 1:28). This was the human family part where there was mankind united by flesh making new and different humans that are united to their parents. There was the joy of G'd reflecting on knowing (like being really good friends with) all these new humans, and being in their hearts? Then the poem ends with "Oh my beloved ones, what is this that you have done."

Eye Candy

Recently a very handsome man has been sitting near my regular pew.
He could have been attending for months, years even and I would never have noticed him, if he sat on the other side of the church. Ewan McGreggor could have been attending my church but if he plopped his cute butt on the other side of the church, never would notice him. It's not a big church but my focus is very limited when mass is going on, if it isn't between where I'm sitting and the celebrant, I don't see it.
Anyway, when I do go (I alternate between the church of the gay lawyer and the church of the really really blond people) I look forward to seeing the back of handsome guy's head. It has been a thrill thus far.
No, I'll just keep it to admiring G'd's work in the male form from afar. One, I've done pretty. Pretty was tall, muscular and handsome and I wanted to kill him in his sleep. BL made a good point when she said you (the girl) have to be the pretty one in the relationship. Second, if the church had a beauty contest, I sure as heck wouldn't even place in the top 20. Maybe at the other church I'd be in the 17-19 range, in the summer when all the college kids are away. In other words, based on appearances he's out of my league. Besides, I tend to favor the geekier guys, they are cute, in their own weird geeky way.

From this week's reading

Mark 10:17-23
As he was setting out on a journey, a man ran up and knelt before him, and asked him, ‘Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ Jesus said to him, ‘Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. You know the commandments: “You shall not murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; You shall not defraud; Honour your father and mother.” ’ He said to him, ‘Teacher, I have kept all these since my youth.’ Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said, ‘You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money* to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.’ When he heard this, he was shocked and went away grieving, for he had many possessions.
...and no one to help him pack it all.

If I ran into our Lord the Christ and he said Mari sell everything you own and follow me. Sadly I'd probably grieve too because I've been trying to pack all the crap I have in the basement to give to charity, but it just ain't happening. I have a small corner devoted to stuff that needs to go to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. There is more stuff in the house that I plan to give away later but it's so friggin heavy and unweildy.
Where did all this come from? Okay 1/2 from IKEA. When I left my parents' house I had 1 suitcase. When I moved out of my apartment at UF it took 2 trips in the Volvo station wagon to move it all. When I moved from the Logan Circle apartment, that was about several trips in a pickup truck to go 1/2 a mile. About 1/2 of what I own, I don't need, so why do I have it? How do I get rid of it?

Worst sermon evah!

Enough time has passed that I can post this, because I can't tell you what day this happened, but I do remember who gave the sermon and thus which church, so I'm not saying which church (and I attend 2) so that it could have been anyone.....

One Sunday one of the seminarians gave the worst sermon I have ever heard. The topic? No clue. The sermon had no direction and no point, it was the essence of the word 'uninspiring'. It was so bad that my first thought was, "is it wrong to heckle the seminarian?" I wanted to yell "YOU SUCK!" Yet, it would have been un-Episcopalian, and un-Christian. I pondered throwing some of the fruit I bought at the farmer's market at the seminarian. But I throw like a girl and more than likely would have hit the old woman in the 2nd row. It was bad.
I wasn't the only one who thought so. I noticed that some people decided to ignore the whole thing and have whispered conversations during the homily.
Praise the Lord that homilies tend to be short.
I think I have been spoiled with good homilies. I listen to Episcopalian (St. George's in Leeds, UK), Lutheran (Bethel Lutheran in Cupertino, CA) and Catholic (BustedHalocast, & Technopriest) homilies in podcasts and they are inspiring and good. It is just when encountering one so bad, I just had a violent reaction to it.

Prayer

Dear Lord in Heaven, save me from my own bad habits. AMEN.

Stupid theological quiz

You scored as Augustine. You have a big view of God and also take human sin and depravity very seriously. Predestination is important for you. Anselm 73% John Calvin 73% Augustine 73% Karl Barth 73% J?Moltmann 60% Charles Finney 53% Martin Luther 47% Friedrich Schleiermacher 40% Jonathan Edwards 33% Paul Tillich 27% Which theologian are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Steven Colbert is my new hero

Amazingly, I don't have cable.

Liturgical Dance

Oh I do want to make fun of it, but why bother when a girl's school play does such a good job at it (you tube).
A while ago I got a double dose of liturgical dance at a family reunion. I'm related only by my grandfather, who was the cousin of the grandmother of the family. Anywho, the first gal who did the dance I realized had also danced at my cousin's rehersal dinner. I don't know if I can expect more of the same at another cousin's upcoming wedding. It wasn't bad, however liturgical and dance just don't seem to gel right in my mind. The second lit dancer was more of the same but without the "proper" lit dance clothing. I see now there are certain stock movements. There is the pushing away move. A lot of that. Long strides, hands to heaven, maybe a twirl.
I still prefer Steven Colbert's lit dance.

Mish mash posting

1. Bought a 10 year port. Dang those bottles are expensive. A twenty year port was like $50-$60! Also bought some Irish cream. I am slowly stocking my future liquor cabinet.

2. I'm getting fat. It's my own darned fault. I did not help things by going to Cake Love and buying 3 cupcakes. Alcohol has plenty of empty calories.

3. Went to the screamy-baby service. At some point I will replace the screamy baby service and the St. Paul's service with a local Roman Catholic church. I do not look forward to returning to the days when I interchanged RC and EC services. It was one thing back then but now I so dislike missing the Eucharist. But if I find someone like Fr. Oliver in the RC (minus the girlfriends on the side, the man had a Clintonian definition of celibacy) I'm so there.

4. I'll try selling my bed again. Short of that I'm calling Goodwill and having them take my bed, the dresser, the table in the basement, and a bunch of clothes that don't fit because I'm so fat. I've tried FreeCycle. FreeCycle ruined my birthday because some African idiot wanted to waste my time and failed to pick up a computer.

5. Oh, I'm older now. That damned biological clock is going off and driving me crazy. No. I don't believe my life is better without children. Yes, it is less hectic and I have money and can do whatever when I want. But part of me feels that this body is not doing what it was intended to do, which is provide life. The baby explosion in this neighborhood isn't helping. I'm happy for all the mothers and some have given me some hope who are in my similar age range, but I don't see a future father (all the guys I know are unwilling, or unsuitable) near the horizon.

6. My cousin is getting married. Because he's having it on the beach, it is messing up my budget. I've bought the $19.99 gift, made reservations at the hotel (picking the $63 a night one over the $100 a night one two blocks up), and now have to figure out at what level of pissed off I want to make the family by not wanting to show up at the bride's pre-wedding shin-dig. I love my cousin (the groom), with the same level of love I have for other cousins, and I'm more than willing to give up my spot. And since there is a ton of groom side drama, I AM MORE THAN WILLING NOT TO SHOW. Also it does not help that I am on a budget. I have tossed the credit card out of my wallet and when I do find it, I'll probably cut the thing up. I need to call the other card companies and close those cards. But back to Russell, I hope it is a lovely event, and I hope that I can wiggle my way out of it. This is the 3rd wedding (Kim, sis, now Russ) of the family and they are getting expensive.

7. I need to get off the computer and start reading dead trees more.

Have Humanists ever worked the Express Lane?

I listen to the Veritas Lectures occasionally and they do have the odd Humanist/ Atheist do counter the featured Christian apologist. I'm guessing there are better Humanists out there. The failure of Humanism is supposedly that it does not answer the Holocaust (what does?), my problem, from what I've heard, it fails to answer the Express Lane at winy-Dixie.
The Express Lane is the place where I cried on the job after being screamed at by a WIC mother who couldn't get what she wanted. People are sonsofabytches. It is very hard to appreciate my fellow human being when they are trying to con you, are being super winy or have 100 tiny cans of cat food and 50 coupons. Hey, isn't this an express 10 items or less lane? In the Ivory tower people are easy to value based on their being human. It is nearly impossible when they are right there and if you had the power to make them disappear, you would. Thank goodness for the love of G'd. Accountability to him, his forgiveness and love egg me on love my enemy. Which also is a pain in the butt. Problem with Christianity is that you can wind up bearing a cross.

The vintage of Our Lord

Call me tacky but the sacramental wine was quite good this Sunday. Bold, with a heavy body. I would like more, well without the burden of it being the blood of my most precious Savior and Lord Jesus the Christ. I wonder what wine the church uses. It tastes like port, it has that sweetness.
I need to improve my port wine reserves which right now is limited to the cooking wine quality of port but not good enough to be a satisfying drinking port. I need to raid a good wine shop and find all qualities of port, cheap to the $40 stuff. Maybe I'll do that after I pick up the drycleaning today.

Modesty offends Washington Post Fashion Reporter

I was annoyed with the Style writer's Robin Givan'sarticle in the Post today. The article about swimwear for women who would prefer to cover up and apparently that can't be tolerated. To be fair to Ms. Givhan she does mention that the makers of WholesomeWear aren't forcing their suits on anyone. But she does go on about women's body image (um no thanks to the fashion industry and their anorexic models) and how women need to get over it.
I feel she was picking on WholesomeWear, which I admit isn't the most appealing of the modest wear suppliers. There are several Islamic athletic and swimwear suppliers (I have yet to find orthodox Jewish swimwear providers) whose clothes make a strong effort to be 'pretty'. WholesomeWear suffers from the Western Christian problem of being kinda ugly. When I am looking for modest and pretty, I gotta go with the Jews and the Muslims. Maybe in years to come Western Christian modest clothing providers can catch up and make more of an effort not to look horrid.
Update: Okay what annoyed me was the writer finding a bit of offense that there is a market out there for woman who want to cover up. A second reading, I noticed that she stated there is the option of the one-piece and wrap skirt for those who want to cover up. However, despite that option, some women chose to opt to cover up even more and it seems that Ms. Givhan doesn't comprehend it. How is it liberating if you don't have the choice to decide what you want to wear because someone else wouldn't want to wear it (you don't have to). You want to freak out people in the West, be it America or UK or France, wear a head covering. Well maybe not France, they might riot and write laws prohibiting you from wearing it.
I was once stepping on a bus and was annoyed by the Metro driver who commented (I guess trying to be flirty and light) asking why was I hiding my legs. I tend to wear long skirts and it was none of his business. I like long skirts, particularly flared ones as they are dramatic when dancing and some dance around my ankles when descending the stairs. But you know, they are my legs and I'll hide them if I want to. Hiding them gives me a certain freedom. I discovered with long skirts, I don't have to sit with my knees together. They can be a good foot apart and I'm still modest. I am free from regular shaving. Yes, I could be one of those women who go about with hair legs and armpits for the world to see, but I'd prefer not. Long skirts allow me to let the leg hair grow as there is no leg to see stubble on. Ditto for the sleeved shirts.
Anyway, back to Ms. Givhan. If she truly wanted to liberate women how about more articles on clothes that make the regular woman, with the spare tire and the short legs, and the cottage cheese thighs look beautiful, confident and smart. Truly beautiful, not that patronizing feel good stuff about a two piece "underscoring her [the older woman] strength." 'Cause if it did, why don't I see that on a runway? We are not all supermodels and clothes that look great on a highly paid toothpick are an eyesore on your average American woman.

Made me laugh

I was looking at a blog called Urban Onramps and saw the title: "God loves you and has a difficult plan for your life" and laughed.
Looks like someone took my idea of the never written book I will write in my dreams, "Jesus was not a nice man who went around doing nice things." Yes, completely stolen from the sayings of Fr. Ron Connor.

Diversity in TEC

With all the proclaimations about the Episcopal Church (TEC) being open and inclusive it has occurred to me that TEC is mainly white and upper class. Yes, I know you ar esaying sarcastically, 'you're just now noticing this?'. No. Sorta. Well you know there is stuff you know but the info is treated like noise? That's like this.
Anyway I'm now reflecting on the lack of economic diversity in the Episcopal Church. I would say educational diversity as well. In the US. That diversity is found in the Anglican Community, which does not explain why even Anglican pronouncements require a graduate degree to understand. Within the Communion I am united to the poor in Africa. The loss of the Communion would disconnect us.
All for the better in time. I think I would like to read a history of the Universalist Unitarians, whose path I think TEC is now taking. I was aware of this trend in the TEC but figure as long as we continue to keep Christ central we were fine. But with the GenCon06 over and TEC failure to confirm what Jesus, Our Lord and Saviour, said about he, Jesus, being the only way to the Father, then I don't know what to say. I was aware of people who will say the Nicene Creed but really do not believe in the Church, but I figured them to be a minority. I see that I was wrong unless anyone else has a decent explaination why it would kill the TEC to proclaim that Jesus is Lord.

Ten pluses ten minuses

because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I am about to vomit thee out of my mouth
--Revelations 3:16
I prefer the more updated version, and I can't find my modern english Bible right now, but I think it goes, 'You are neither hot not cold so I'm gonna spit you outta my mouth.' or something like that.
That's been my theme. That has been my problem. I am lukewarm. G-d's gonna spit me out. I've been comfy in the Anglican Church because it was lukewarm not Baptist hot or agnostic/ humanist cold, just right. However the waters is gettin a bit chilly. Sorta warm, with an ever increasing cool comeing on. Of course, that could be my perception through the lens of the orthodox. I said my move, if I move, or swim the Tiber, will be in 1 to 2 years. I will spend that time in prayer. Someone noted that one shouldn't swim to one side of the river just because things on your side, is looking bad. No. I really need to give it some thought.
Another thing, I am lukewarm because I am constantly trying to balance various beliefs about Democracy, faith, fairness, and life in a pluralistic society. I know that in the end when things battle out, G-d wins. Because of all those things, it is faith that is the only thing I will submit to. I want to be a good citizen. I want to be fair. I want to make the best of a diverse city and nation. I must be the best Christian I can be.
Anyway, so crossing the Tiber. There are reasons not to. 10)It is a controversal church. 9) Pope, I like him but the idea of one man with all that power... 8)Past sins of the Holy Roman Catholic Church, when it was less than the bride of Christ. 7)It's so unyielding. 6) Confession. 5) Bad & boring homilies. 4)People and Priests, who believe priests are all that and a bag o' chips. 3) Bad priests, who don't think and those who hurt people and destroy the faith. 2) No Fr. Connor. 1)I was confirmed in the EUSA 4 years ago, crossing now seems wrong.
Ten reasons to cross:
10. Hot Catholic men
9. Church excommunicates Spong-like nuts
8. Fr. Roderick, and all the other Catholic media folks who draw me to the RCC.
7. St. Paul's and mid to high church services have already prepped me for RC mass.
6. Worldwide communion.
5. "Upon this rock...."
4. Greater tolerance for Catholic liberalism than Episcopalian liberalism.
3. Consistancy on certain issues.
2. Smells & bells and lots of latin (depending on church)
1. If and when I have kids I might get a discount at the parocial school.

I don't wanna leave

Woman bishop. A movement away from Biblical teachings. But the last straw, the last straw was rejecting the World Wide Anglican Communion. The General Convention of 2006 is depressing. The Episcopal Church will remain but without me. I will make my exit over a year or two. It is a two year plan. There is too much of my personality locked into this damned denomination for me to just jump ship as quickly as I would like.
I really like Christ Church. I can say (well to myself 'cause no one else gives a rat's ass) that I attend the same church as Donald Rumsfeld (though I have only seen him once) and Ward 2 Councilman Jack Evans (or a guy who really, really, really looks like him). There are people in the church who I have bonded with. It was hard enough to leave St. Georges, but to leave the whole Episcopal Church breaks my heart just thinking of it. It has been 4 years, just 4 years since being confirmed in the Church with my family and friends laying their hands on me, after flirting with it for about a decade going between Catholic and Anglican churches.
As much as I like the Lutherans.... no. The key is the world wideness. I liked the Episcopal Church for the liturgy and the fact that I was united with Christians following the same ritual in Africa and Latin America and Asia. It was not just the West. It was the East and the South. Now, it is just the West again. Just another mainline American Protestant Church going the way of the Unitarians. The only other church that, despite its zillions of faults that holds scriptual authority for me is, *sigh* the Roman Catholics.
Bah. I need to pray more.

I'm counting this as feeding the homeless

I have 3 homeless kittens stinking up my living room. I have been feeding them for 4 days now and I would like for them to go to good homes, otherwise known as AWAY. I was planning to sign up for feeding the homeless with Salvation Army when it dawned on me that the kittens are homeless and G-d's stinking hissy creatures. I'll be happy when they are away and I can deal with not so hissy creatures.

Faith Based Libertarianism

Is there such an animal?
Well the actual thing that was roaming through my head was the right of like minded people to come together and practice their faith as they choose, and the right of the individual to associate and disassociate with that group. Then what rights does the state have to regulate the actions of groupings, or corporate bodies.

No sympathy here either

You know what annoys me today? Yes, just today. Young 'uns who believe they are too poor to save or donate to charity, yet will find the cash to have a regular cup of gad-awfully expensive trendy coffee.
You are never too poor for a savings account. SECU of Maryland will let you have $10 (maybe they've upped it but last I checked, $10) in a savings account. How friggin hard is it to come up with 10 bucks? And, then, not take out the 10 bucks? And, maybe add a few bucks to that 10 bucks? Of course, you need to have it with a place that won't charge monthly fees.
If your employer offers a 401K or its equivalent, take it. I swear if I hear someone whine that they can't donate the minimum of (for me it was $20 at AAO and $15 per pay period with the Govt) I'm gonna hit 'em with a newspaper. One day, they are going to get old or reach their late forties and wonder how they are going to retire. I plan to work until I'm dead or too crippled to work. However I'll need money to pay for rent (or mortgage), food and healthcare. The retirement fund is for the health care.
Lastly, you are never too poor to give to charity and make a habit of it. When I was a kid I engaged in the strange practice where my mom, or other older relative would give me a dollar in church and when the plate came around I put the dollar in. Most of the time the dollar wasn't mine but it allowed for the practice and understanding that I'm supposed to give to charity. And as a regular thing. So now I still give. Much more and the goal this year is to give a percentage of my gross income to charity. But even as a poor college kid, I gave to charity.

The most unsympathetic tale for Plan B

In Sunday's Post there was an opinion piece about Plan B from the point of view of a 42 year old woman whose birth control failed and couldn't get the Plan B pill. I found it very unsympathetic. Mainly because I'm wondering, why didn't she just get her tubes tied after her last pregnancy? My mom got her tubes tied after my sister and my sister after her third kid got her tubes tied. I figure if you are of a certain age and you pretty much believe you don't want any more kids.... um, tube tying should follow. I would feel different if the woman was 35 and thinking maybe she'd have a 3rd child in the future but not right now. But she seems to not be open to having more children, so then, why set your self up for the drama? Not taking a route that requires less maintenance (pill daily) seems irresponsible, particularly when there are non medical options such as IUDs and tubal ligation.
Gad, I dislike unneeded drama, particularly pharmaceutical drama.

Grace Cathedral

Jeez.
I don't know what to make of them now. They are somewhat back in my good graces. I got pissed with Grace Cathedral (the representatives of liberal episcopal theology that hasn't gone off the deep end) when I read a report of a female priest painting Our Lord and Savior as a xenophobe and a podcast where I swear the priests were confirming the author's premise that no Jesus wasn't devine. They got a little love in my heart when they interviewed Anne Rice and some other person (Bishop somebody). Ms. Rice has converted to Christianity. Welcome Anne. And the speakers and the moderator priest was now reconfirming the devinity of Christ and the historical Jesus.
I'm begining to wonder if the priest who moderates these things just agrees with whomever is speaking.M: Jesus was a big jelly donut? Well I quite agree with that statement. I find that after I take the eucarist, with the wine and all, I'm thinking... jelly donut.

S**t like that makes me want to be Catholic

I was reading Get Relgion's blog post about Grace Cathedral in San Fran where the celebrant showed that "Jesus was xenophobic, racist and sexist." Excuse me? People may say that the break up of the Episcopal church was due to same sex marriage and gay bishops. No. Those were the straws breaking the camel's back. It is crap that denies the divinity of Christ, is anti-Jesus, and tosses the Bible and 2000 years of theology out for whatever, that makes me want to leave.
I was dancing with Al the other night and he was telling me about his new church in Laurel. He used to live in College Park and I asked or mentioned about St. Andrew's. He sighed and said they read Beckett, and he wanted to know what did Iasiah say! The bible being thrown out for less divine reading. Crap theology. Ya, know there is a perfectly good Unitarian chuch, with very nice people in College Park. I mean if you are not going to use the bible as your main reading source, and source of inspiration, may as well go for the real thing and be something other than Episcopalian.

Much Better Now

Ok. I am much better now. I know this because la bicicleta el crapo broke and it is ok. A few days before and I would have been weeping. When it was obvious that I could not ride the darned thing to the Garden District and nothing I could do to fix it with dirty greased hands and a key, I just walked it home.
I have yet to finish the application for the NARA job. I will be done, waiting for the UF transcript. I only have page 2 of it. Page 1 has gone missing. Considering the short time I have this is stressful. Well thank goodness I am covered in the grad school area.

depressed

ok. I should be in bed.
But I'm having one of those rare depressed periods. I know it will pass but I can't rationalize it away, like I normally do. The problem is that the depression teamed up with anixiety. bastard.
I'm haunted by the phrase "For where your heart is, there your treasure will be also." There is something to that and it deeply saddens me. deeply. I won't go into it here. I just need to record it. so when this wave passes over me, I can remember.
Also my friends are a bitch to find. When I realized what was happening, I called up E, M, and J. Nearly C but he wallows in depression and figured that would be a bad move. Either no one answered their phone or they couldn't talk. I did reach B but our friendship is not strong enough ( I think) for me to lean on him. He was helpful. He did solve one problem. Couldn't call S because she has a ship load of problems worse than mine.
Pray for me.

I'm not getting up for anything less than the risen Lord

To be fair I do listen to the more liberal end of the Episcopal church on my MP3 player among the more tranditionalist Catholic, Lutheran, Anglican and Non-Denom podcasts. But that is just one podcast, from Grace Cathedral in San Fran. Well anyway, I'm listening to one of their speakers and the priest and I'm just annoyed. Partially because they are Episcopalians. If they weren't I'd just happily ignore them. Second, they were dismissing subtlety the divinity of Christ, the virginity of Mary, and just being all gnostic.
It is a free country and they can think whatever they want, I don't have to agree with it. The problem is when those elements are in the same demonination as I, by remaining in the domination I am in a way accepting the apostasy. I don't.
Because really, there are better things I could do on a Sunday morning. Sleeping more is one of those things. Really, if I was going for a more comfortable theology I would be attending the Church of St. Mattress under the Holy Comforter every week. St. Mattress is a warm inviting church where Stained Glass Bluegrass plays (until I hit 'snooze'). I need the sacrament of the body and blood so even Bedside Baptist isn't my thing.
I don't go to church to hang out with nice people. There are some perfectly fine people in my neighborhood. All we need to do is have a "happy hour" and we're good.
No, it is the risen Lord. The Son of G-d that urges me, compells me out of bed. It is the Lamb of G-d who takes (taketh) away my sins and brings me closer to the Father that makes me want to bike up a hill, in a skirt to church. Nice Jewish philosophers, I don't need a church community or a priest for that. The Church of the Holy Comforter can accommodate books from Half and podcasts and don't require such effort.

Rethinking Easter

I've done it so long that it has become Tradition, note big T. I don't go to church Christmas or Easter. I leave it for the folks who never bother showing up for the other Sundays of the year. But this year, the excuse rang hollow.
I still despise crowds, which is the main reason I don't bother with church on the popular days. But I really can't take a break from G-d. I don't want to take a break from G-d. How do you take a break from someone you love? Particularly, if that someone you love is everwhere at all times and very unescapable?
So I am reconsidering taking a break from Church on Easter. But you don't mess with Tradition on a whim. No. It requires thought. Preparation. Incomprensable papers and some gobbly-gook about the Lord is doing a new thing. Actually the Lord is not doing a new thing. He's doing the same old thing, it is me that is changing.
So I've been thinking. Maybe, next year. Easter at someone's 5 o'clock service. A & St.A had a pitiful sinner's service at 5 with 3-4 parishioners. Maybe there is a crowd on Easter but it can't be that much of a crowd. The Church of the Gay Lawyers doesn't have a 5 o'clock communion service and I don't remember if the Church of the Really, Really Blonde People has 5 o'clock service on Easter. Even if they did it could be packed as there were a number of people who showed up on the days I wandered in.
Of course, speaking with Bruce last night before konking off to sleep and he said that Easter Vigil, which I did attend for the 1st time as an Anglican, counts for Easter Sunday. So I've already screwed with Tradition when I attended.

I could just show up

I just called the Church of the Really, Really, Blonde People to volunteer for the Soup kitchen per my Lenten vows (of which I have kept....1) and they don't need anyone Sunday. Monday they have an opening. Dang this is worse than trying to book an appointment with my hairdresser. Of course, I did wait until Friday. Next week I have guests. The week after that is Holy Week. Well I hope to continue this and there will be tons of opportunities when it is Summer and everyone runs off to their summer places.
My summer place? The same as my Winter and Fall place. Which strangely is also my Spring place.

Abdul Rahman

Who will die in the name of Christ our Lord and Saviour? Living here in the States where at the worst people will just call you bad names and talk smack about you for being Christian, it is just, I don't know, when hearing about people whose lives are in jepordy for following Jesus and seeking him. Lucky for Mr. Abdul Rahman of Afganistan he was found mentally incompetent to stand trial and will survive the state putting him to death. Unfortunately, the people of Afganistan, some of them may be a danger to Mr. Rahman and possibly the many Christians who live in secret.
Was the early church like this? Hiding under the guise of being Jewish to avoid death and when having to show their cards, dying?
When you throw death into the mix it does stand to wonder what all that is contained in this demonimation or that you are willing to die for?

Disappointed

I went to a couple sites targeting Christians curious about going veggie. Man they were disappointing. Very light and weak on the supporting theology. What really disappointed me was a verse from Isaiah 66 which goes on to say that killing an ox is like killing a man. Curious I looked at the whole chapter. On the surface the chapter is about the kind of worship G-d wants. In the same verse quoted, it goes on to say that grain offerings were as swine's blood. So nothing particularly against killing the ox.

At play in the fields of the Lord

Well as part of my Lentian excerizes I "fed the homeless". I thought it would be a horrid chore, but it wasn't.
I'm looking forward to the next night I can do this.
I went to the church to help fix sandwiches. Joy and Jim had done most of the work but I made about 2 dozen sandwiches, helped put them in bags and load the bags in the Salvation Army truck. Then Jim, Ron and I drove around serving soup and sandwiches, but mainly sandwiches to homeless people near the EPA, GSA, on K Street, near Mt. Vernon Sq. going to where the people were. It was great seeing the city at night.
Sometimes doing the Lord's work is so cool. I can't wait for another Sunday night in the Salvation Army van.

Lent

Okey dokey well what am I doing for Lent? Well I'm not giving up chocolate. I'm not doing a lot of stuff but the list for this year is a bit more self improving and moving closer to G-d than last year.
1. Tithe 5% I'm horrid I just do 1%. My pie in the sky thoughts have been doing 10% but, I don't have a strong enough understanding of where my money goes. I know I should give the first offerings to the Almighty. This is an attempt to get closer to that goal.

2. Don't eat out alone. I like food and my friends are cheap. This relates to the money issue. I do spend a good amount eating out. The problem though is, does carry out count as eating out? I'm going to say no, but I should limit it to once a week carry out, including the cafeteria at work.

3. Feed the homeless at least once a month. I got two churches to choose from and I need to volunteer. I gotta talk to Bruce or the guy at my church about our soup kitchen and volunteering for that. Just one Saturday morning to make sandwiches for the unwashed masses and serving Christ.

4. Take one day cleaning up. I've let the house go a bit and when I cleaned up the house, went off to London and came back it was a wonderful feeling to come back to a clean house. So the idea is to devote one day or evening to cleaning up the house.

5. Dance more. How does this bring me closer to G-d? It doesn't. But I am getting asocial hanging around the house.

6. No home computer on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Tech free. Except for the Palm.

Then there are the sorta maybes of Lent, which get broken on Sunday, a feast day anyway so they get broken.
7. Don't buy meat. I'm going to feign some sort of vegitarianism. But I know that's going nowhere.

8. No desserts. Meaning I don't need to end each meal with something sweet, but I'm not going to deny myself of something sweet. Yeah, a lousy rule.

9. Start at 8:30 I know what it means. I'll tell you in person.

Laundry

The bottom of the hamper stinks.
That is what I came up with when finally getting around to laundry. And I realize that I washed the whites without soap. Fabric softner yes, detergent, no.

A parody: TV

From a shiny smiley tv christian:

The TV is my shepherd, I shall not want anything else. It maketh me to lie down on the sofa. It leadeth me away from the Scripture. It destroys my soul. It leadeth me in the paths of sex and violence for the sponsor’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will enjoy the evil, for blood and sex they excite me. It’s cable and remote they comfort me. It prepares a commercial before me in the presence of my children. It anoints my head with humanism, My coveting runneth over.

Surely laziness and ignorance shall follow my family all the days of our lives, and we shall dwell in the house watching TV forever.

London!

Made it to London alive. House being guarded and protected by Mike Henry. And Brett & Ira. Elizabeth alive and well and happy to be in an internet cafe in the basement of a Burger King. Yea!

Difference of thought

I was listening to the Bookcast about Cosmopolitanism and the author was talking and saying that we do not listen to people with other ideas and opinions. Oh, I listen, but I tend not to engage. Debate is not my strong suite, I know my weaknesses. I describe myself as a moderate conservative, but most of my friends are serval flavors of liberal. I've listened to them and I do gain an understanding of where they are coming from. But that understanding does not equal a change in my point of view.
A problem I've noticed is that people tend to hang around people of similar views, as we naturally do. Unfortunately, as the author pointed out, people who hang out with like people don't understand those who think differently and question the sanity of those who think differently and dismiss them.
That dismissing, which feeds into disrespect makes it hard for different thoughts to come together. The news media doesn't help. They tend to set things up for a fight, a respectful Jerry Springer. Also both sides bring up charactures of the other side. Of course, the charactures tend to readily show up.
The author mentioned something else that stuck with me. Universalism is not the answer either. It is okay if at the end of the day we don't agree. And that's okay with me as long as we can peacefully co-exist finding some deal where the yahoos can be yahoos and live among the nimrods.

How does one do it?

Really. And I am not helping.
There are so many books and articles out there. So many publishers and that's just the dead tree stuff. Throw on the blogs (like this and the other one) the electronic copies of journals, papers, and what have you and there is no way on earth that it is humanly possible to keep up with every opinion.
"You should read/ see/ hear this...."
The only answer is to just agree and forget it, because there is no way for you to read the book or see the movie or hear the podcast of every frickin' thing that is recommended to you. I'm trying to finish a book, loaned to me by another parishioner, by the London trip. I won't make it. Duck Soup has been sitting on my table for nearly a month, waiting for me to view it. I have a podcast back up because I left the palm at home. Oh, NPR is for the evening and the wee morning. I am accustomed to simply missing shows on TV.

Redemption

The problem with encountering Bt early in the norning is that he has read the paper when the only thing I've done is pick the thing up out of the yard. On the train he pointed out the article in the Metro section about the little boy who shot a 7 year old classmate. He asked me if I thought the child was evil and the father was creating an evil machine. I didn't read the paper but I heard it on the news, my answer is no. No, I don't believe the child or the parent is evil. Stupid. But not evil. The kid is 8. There is a chance for redemption.
I found myself arguing the liberal side of my church regarding hell and evil. On the way liberal end of my church there is no hell or there is a hell but no one is in it. I don't really believe that but it is really rude to tell people they are going to hell, how Episcopalian is that? On one level I guess it would be lovely if Stalin is hanging out in heaven, because then I have a chance. Bt wasn't buying it. When do these people get redeemed? He asked. I almost mentioned the loving power of Jesus, but I just said G-d. Yeah, it is a weak arguement that criminals and mean people will come into heaven because G-d loves us all sooooooo much that he won't let not one soul escape his loving grace. I don't buy it myself. I'm going with hell is the place where one is far from the love of G-d. Heaven is closer to him and his love. The more love the closer to heaven. Oh and I'm not going to tell anyone they're going to hell because, that's just so rude.

Apparently I'm incapable of independent thought

I'm not going to link to the post that annoyed me, because it isn't just that one I've seen this pop up several times.
Children, people, raised in a household with religion squashes independent thought, is the assertion. Being surrounded by friends, who are liberal and one level of agnostic or downright athestic I'm accustomed to hearing it, but not agreeing. Strangely, I was raised Baptist, stayed with the church till college where I latched on the the Roman Catholic and Episcopal churches. All through then, apparently not one single independent thought entered my head.
Yet my memory tells me different. I wasn't a mindless automiton. Actually I wasn't too aware of whatever the Baptist party line was. Drinking bad. Heck, I coulda figured that part out on my own after dealing with drunken relatives. I had to get out of a alcohol abusing environment such as grad school to see that alcohol had other uses besides getting drunk off your ass. Sleeping around bad. Pregnant girls on my school bus, I'm sure they knew the risks but didn't care. People fighting because of sleeping around, yeah, witnessed that in my neighborhood growing up.
My mother was the more religious one where my dad was very suspious of religion. Mom could not pray in dad's presence because he was afraid that she was "reading the Bible" on him. Just because you don't believe in G-d doesn't make one less supertious. That I observed with my own eyes.
But back to kids or religious people in general who strangely enough are able to build up an independent thought on their own. Faith is not a form of abuse, and depending on the group there is disagreement and divergent thought. There are groups that get caught up with "group think" but it is not limited to religion. See communism. And strangley, some people who grew up in strict or even not so strict religious families have been able to move away from it in adulthood. There are people driving around in cars who grew up Amish and are no longer so. There is probably some guy who grew up in a conservative Jewish family, eating a crab cake sandwich. I know a girl, grew up Buddist but is lapsed. I know a lot of lasped people.
My faith gives me strength to endure and peace, why wouldn't I want to pass it on? We all have our own political and philosophical beliefs that we treasure and want to pass on, is that abuse? It is only true independence when you allow others to disagree with you and have thoughts and ideas that are opposed strongly to yours. I have listened to my friends who have thoughts strongly opposed to my own, and it is their right as Americans to have opposing thoughts, as is mine.

No really NBC needs one more L&O: Cow Bell

Some of my fellow conservative episkys have bothered to complain about the new NBC program "The Book of Daniel" (link to BoD blog). On the surface it doesn't even look remotely interesting. If all you are selling is "look created 'controversy'" and no real character development then screw them. They aren't even worth protesting. Give me a dead body every week, maybe I'll watch.
No what NBC needs is a new L&O: Stolen Vechile division. I watch the L&Os, of course Trial by Jury was a bit dull. Think, L&O: Stolen Vechile Div. mix Grand Theft Auto with what we love about L&O. Car chases, tough guys, NYC, good stuff. Or just bring back Homicide: Life on the Streets.
Better yet L&O: BWI/DC Homicide. Move the action down to Bawlermore and the District of Columbia. Mix Homicide, lovely views of the Inner Habor and then a few shots of the Mall. Have all crime occur in PG County but suspects, witnesses, possible alibis all live somewhere between Woodbridge, VA and Baltimore Co, MD.

Songs that make you cry

...but I couldn't cry because I was at work and you don't cry at work!

Finally, the Bored Again Christian, put out a new podcast and it was his Very Sufjan Christmas (mp3), where it was primarily all one band, Sufjan Stevens and their Christmas and non-Christmas songs. Anyway, I'm listening to the songs and after "Three Ships" (I think that's the title) and the next one is Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing and I found myself near moved to tears. I think because of one part of the song just gets to me:

...Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

At least it wasn't Mahalia Jackson's His Eye is On the Sparrow, then I would have burst out crying.

One Jewish view of the X-mas bruhaha

CH sent out this letter to friends. It was good to read.

Recently, many articles have been published concerning the Christian right's anger about the amelioration of the word "Christmas" from retail establishments and schools. Although, the right's assertions are a bit overblown, there has been a dilution of Christmas into the muck that has come to be know as "Christmakwaanzakah". Since I have read nothing concerning the Jewish point of view, I am hoping that none of you will mind if I use my holiday greeting to express my opinions on the subject.

In a misguided attempt to offend nobody, our society has become one that offends everybody by throwing individual traditions into one group pot. This time of year it is most apparent with the muddy stew composed of three holidays of different genres and weight.

Chanukah commemorates victory over the Assyrian-Greek armies attempts at obliterating Judaism.The holiday is a celebration of the Jewish people's freedom and ability to serve G-d, but does not serve G-d directly. Its significance is not on par with Rosh Hashannah, Yom Kippur, Passover, or any of the holidays commanded in the Torah.

Kwaanza is a modern holiday, created in the '60s to demonstrate black pride and reconnect black Americans to their ancestral past. Its significance is cultural, but not religious.

Christmas, along with Easter is the foundation of the Christian faith.

As a Jewish woman, it embarrasses me when my commemorative semi-religious holiday is equated with one of extreme spiritual significance for Christians. It also offends me that my holiday is only recognized as a part of a Christian holiday season. I am appreciative of holiday greetings, but if the greater society needs to recognize me in the name of diversity, I suggest Autumn, a time of Jewish spiritual reflection, as the season for Jewish holiday songs and media attention. Besides, if we truly want to be all inclusive this time of year, we will need a much longer holiday name. How about "Christma-kwaanza-kah-dawali-eid..."

Please forgive me for my pontification and whatever you are celebrating this holiday season, I hope it is happy and that you all have a chance to reflect on the purposes of your celebrations.

What kinda Catholic Am I?

Considering I'm an Anglican....

You scored as New Catholic. The years following the Second Vatican Council was a time of collapse of the Catholic faith and its traditions. But you are a young person who has rediscovered this lost faith, probably due to the evangelization of Pope John Paul II. You are enthusiastic, refreshing, and somewhat traditional, and you may be considering a vocation to the priesthood or religious life. You reject relativism and the decline in society that you see among your peers. You are seen as being good for the Church. A possible problem is that you may have a too narrow a view of orthodoxy, and anyway, you are still a youth and not yet mature in your faith. http://saint-louis.blogspot.com - Rome of the West New Catholic 57% Traditional Catholic 55% Evangelical Catholic 43% Neo-Conservative Catholic 40% Liberal Catholic 36% Lukewarm Catholic 33% Radical Catholic 26% What is your style of American Catholicism? created with QuizFarm.com

Advent 2005

Jesus is coming.
Get out the good china.

Love of fathers

I'd been meaning to make note of a sight that I see on those odd moments I sit through the 9AM service at TCOTRRBP. The 9AM service makes me want to rename the church the church of the little squirmy people as it is a 'family friendly' service with the whole service in the program (no BCP).
Anyways I was observing the number of men in the church. Married men, but oh well, I apprieciate their being. One of the reasons why I like TCOTRRBP and TCOTGL is the male presence, a female dominated church seems lacking. But I digress. I also noticed how the men interacted with their children. They were very attentive. Not doting but a touch on the should here. A reciprocated hug there. My favorite was the pass off from grandpa(?) to dad of one kid as granddad held up kid in pew and dad, not missing a beat as he came back from communion grabbed kid and continued to the back of church.
The Church (big C) needs more of that. More loving fathers who do not shirk their role in the lives of their children.

My G-d

My G-d is a very mobile G-d.
He takes up the universe
but fits in my heart.

Pledge season

WAMU the only station I listen to is going through another pledge season. Everytime they do it becomes unbearable to listen to and nearly drives me to commerical radio. But I do wander elsewhere. I can't stay at WPGC too long because there will be another hoochiemamma women are nothing but sex objects song that will sour the day. I did stop at some Christian fundi-lite station, it was around Valentines Day because the main topic for the whole 2 weeks was sex. Well the married kind. Strengthening marriages and whatnot. Being single, it was a tad frustrating to listen to, but better than having sex acts rapped out by Lil Kim.
Well it is pledge season, again. And instead of running to the fundi-lite station, again, I've gotten a bunch of podcasts and made my own stinkin' radio. I should last until they are done. What is it? 2 more weeks of Diane Rheme shakily telling listeners to contribute? So far my line up is a bunch of sermons and programs from Episcopal churches out west, the Bored Again Christian, for music, a few radio plays, Catholic broadcast stuff, the Catholic Insider (or Dutch priest walks around town), other NPR and PBS podcasts, and my own music. Yeah that works.

Cultural Catholic

"You are a WASP/Convert"


You've been to a parish bingo game once. Don't
worry, we won't tell. After all, WASPs are
allowed in the Church as well.

We just don't trust you very much.

Provided by


Are You A Cultural Catholic?
brought to you by Quizilla

Regarding belief

I do honestly believe in the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen, yadda, yadda, nicene creed yadda. Really. No joke. I kid you not.
Believe me if I didn't believe and have a small amount of interest in learning about the 3-in-1 deal called G-d, I'd get more sleep and make better use of my Sundays.
It is not about being good or a nice person. Which I can fail at on a regular basis. It shouldn't be about getting into heaven for the sake of avoiding hell. It's about him.
So when members of my faith go on about little changes in theology I find it problematic because I think it is getting in the way of true worship. The changes seem to focus on making us nice people and less on being his people.
But what do I know? I'm just a pew warmer.

5pm or 11:15am?

Decisions, decisions. If I go to the 5pm 'sinners service' at the CotRRBP I can wear whatever and sleep late. If I go to the 11:15 service at the CotGL then I just might hit the tail end of the Dupont Circle farmer's market and get milk made by happy cows.
Nope, theology not an issue, but I do wonder if G-d said you have to wake up early on the Sabbath (yeah, I know sabboth is really friday evening till sometime saturday) and wear something nice.

You know 5pm mass is laid back, but really.

You know when your church's 5pm sinner's service is laid back when your priest's cell phone goes off in the middle of the sermon and no one gives him any flak for it. Last Sunday, I was going for a church marathon. 5pm service at the Church of the Blonde People, then hurry over to St. Paul's for evensong and an outing with the 20s and 30s group.
5pm service at Christ Church is more relaxed than my usual 11am service. You can show up in shorts, t-shirt and flip flops at 5. The priest, in this case Fr. Kentworthy, was in full anglo regalia, regardless of the time. I guess the full vestmests got in the way of him getting to his phone to turn it off. His voice never wavered as it rang, and rang and rang again. Either the person calling gave up or there was a short limit on rings. After that the phone was forgotten.
Laid back, casual and Rite II.

Orthodox outing

Well Saturday I met Federica Mathewes-Green in person. Wow!
I knew Bruce was dragging us, us being Charles, Corey, Bill & Catherine, and myself to Fr. Mathewes-Green's church Holy Cross out in BFE, MD. Since he didn't mention Frederica, I figured she had better things to do, lecturing, writing and what not. After the 1 hour long standing Vesper service, where I sat for about 10 minutes of it, we wandered out of the sanctuary and there was Bruce with Frederica herself. She was unmistakable with that long wavy grey hair of hers. Catherine was sorry she didn't bring her copy of Frederica's book to sign and promised that she will return to Holy Cross.
Then we went out for crab cakes. Ummmm crab cakes.

Forbearance

Forbearance is this week's magic word.
On the other blog I decided to practice it and instead of quashing a discussion going on in the comments, I just let it go. Eventhough it is my blog and my right to quash anything on the blog.
But forebearance. Fr. Kentworthy mentioned it but didn't define it, so a day after church I bothered looking it up. I figured if it is something I'm supposed to be practicing I should look it up and go back to not practicing all the other stuff I should be doing. I can hold back and give others leeway. I do it all the time. Mainly out of shear sloth. Who knew, laziness as a possible virtue?

Gonna be lazy today

Going to the 5pm service at the Church of the Blonde People and then the cookout at the Church of the non-Roman Catholics/Church of the Gay Lawyer. Which I emailed late about. Might just bring my salad and go home.

And you shall always have your poor

I didn't go to church today, so if I die before taking communion again, I'm goin' to Hell. Okay maybe not with G-d's grace.

Recently there was the Live 8 concert and soon the One campaign will start to "make poverty history." That's nice. However I am a pessimist, the only way to make poverty history is to wipe out the human race, or at least leave one human. If I wasn't too lazy to go upstairs and grab my bible I would hunt down the exact phrase but Jesus said to Judas, when Judas was being a prick, that we will always have the poor, or the poor shall always be with you.
The context is Jesus telling Judas to shut up about the expensive oil that the women (Mary, Martha, Mary M?) was using, when Judas said they could have used the money better to give to the poor. So are we meant to read into the message or leave it as is because the main message was "Hey Judas shut your pie hole about the oil, 'cause we know you're REALLY not that concerned about the poor, ok?"
But I'm going to read into it. We will always have poor people. That is sad. But it is the way humans are. And no throwing billions of dollars at it will make it go away.
However, I think there is a glimmer of hope. We can try to change the face of poverty so that it does not mean death by starvation or easily cured disease, or lack of housing or clothing. In America literally dying of hunger due to poverty is rare. We have WIC and food stamps, non-profits with soup kitchens, food banks and churches that feed the hungry. In America our poor people can be fat as all out. Our food is loaded with calories so much so that eating the .99 menu at McDonald's can feed you, and kill you with fat and sodium and all sorts, but that's another problem. So we are doing a good job with hunger. Housing, not so good but there are programs, but lots of room for improvement. There is spotty medical care for people who can wait all day at free clinics or emergency rooms. Clothing, the church round the corner was giving away free clothes yesterday. They aren't the only church in the area giving away free clothes. Shoes are a problem, cloths or something to cover the body, no problem. Now compare this poverty to the poverty of some poor person in Africa or South Asia or South America.
Yet even if we could export American poverty to the rest of the world, the people are still poor because in their society there is a group of people with more resources and status then they. It is all comparative and relative. It would help if there was a better definition of poor than the guy who has less than the other guy. Because with that, you will always have the poor as long as there are 2 people in the world.
Poverty is not wiped out by making sure everyone is fed, it is more than that. Healthcare is more tricky because you need health providers (doctors, nurses, medical assist.) and you can't force people to be a doctor for a rural town. There is also a quality problem too. For more straight forward things like immunizations you can do good. If communism has taught us anything you can house and clothe a lot of people, mind you it will all be crappy but housing and clothing can be provided. Do you like the color blue? Yet in a world where everyone has access to blue robes, eating the same calorie rich sludge, in government issue apartments, and immunizations against the major diseases with free annual doctor's visits you will still have poor people. Because they will be the ones who have no options but to take the charity society gives. The non-poor will opt out or add on. There is no universal right to houses that do more than keep out the bitter cold and the damp. There is no universal right to clothing that confers status amongst your peers. There is no universal right, but there should be, to food that is well made and balanced.
The other problem with major actions particularly for rich nations giving to poorer nations is that some of the good can be undone by citizens of the nations they are trying to help. Pride, hate and corruption are the biggest enemies to pulling some nations up. Zimbabwe. That nation's leader is in denial that his country has problems. Aid groups are getting pushed out because of a politics. He who controls the food controls the votes. Corruption is something that can allow leaders to make rules that will keep the poor, poor, and strip citizens of their rights. Corruption can whittle away aid money by everybody from the prime minister to the project site foreman taking their little bit. Then if a nation is divided, like the Sudan, hate can keep any aid away from the people who are hated by those in power.
See so much easier than throwing money at it then addressing the serious sins of the soul that keep poor nations poor.

Sick

Well I'm home sick and feeling guilty. June has been a crappy month healthwise. I had the incident of the 1/2 cooked bacon, then the leg and now a cold. I'm sluggish and eh. So I decided I'll try cracking open a bible whilst waiting for the Nyquil to knock me out. Starting with Matt and reading who was the father of who till you get to Joseph, I'm wondering why is this important? If Jesus is the son of the Great Divine then he's not related to Jospeh so what is the point of the geneology? I put the book down and decided time would be better spent hunting down tissues.

Gay Lawyer church

Well another even numbered Sunday, it's the Church of the Gay Lawyer. Which seemed a little less gay yesterday. I didn't see the pew of 4-6 men who usually sit in the same pew, coupled up. I also didn't see the super butch acolyte either. I didn't even see the gay lawyer, for whom I named the church after. If this keeps up I'm going to have to rename it the church of the Super Catholics who aren't Roman.

Wardrobe mishap

So it seemed like a good idea. Bike to church in t-shirt and shorts, change in bathroom in dress. I had worn the dress before and it can be casual or fancy depending on pearls. Well I biked to church, had about 10 minutes to get ready and changed. First the bra kept peaking out. So I ditched the bra. Mistake. Although the dress has an internal bra it still didn't give a lot of support. Then I go to put on pearls. Clasp broke.
Looking at myself in the tiny bathroom mirror I notice I have cleavage. Ack! Cleavage doesn't belong in church! I have nothing to cover the cleavage and the top can't go up without losing the minimal breast support. I resolve to sit in the back. I kept adjusting the dress through the whole service. I debated should I go up to the alter to take the body and the blood. I hoped I'd get the side with the female priest. Generally I can give or take female priests, but yesterday I really wanted a female priest so that the male priest wouldn't see how low cut the dress was. My luck only 1 priest that Sunday, and he was a he. I never looked up during the communion. I guess he does these things so quickly (bodyochrys, bodyochrys, bodyochrys, bodyochrys) that he wouldn't notice, we I hope he didn't. After communion I left. Changed back into shorts, discovered the scruffy old guy at the church might be homeless when he asked for spare change, ate something from coffee hour and left.

Clarity

Well at brunch we decided that after a few months we were in fact dating. Then as we talked about our relationship a few hours later we decided we were not dating. I am thankful that we cleared all that up, because I was seriously confused.
Part of me is trying to be thankful that I am no longer dating a short facial ticky church junkie with an Orthodox bent and bad breath. The other part is just dealing with the loss of the whole "what could have been" that one gets into when one starts dating.
There was a logic to our pairing. He has a PhD, in a subject I like. We share similar political and religious beliefs. He laughs at my jokes. We're both earth signs, not that I really give astrology much weight. But logically we make a good pair. Sadly, there wasn't that element that makes the difference between friendship and dating.
Oh, well, back to the drawing board.