Tuesday, May 29, 2007


I lack dicipline.
I don't read as much as I used to.
I spend too much time on this computer.
I watch too much TV.
All that, takes time. Time that I have squandered. Bad me.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Losing 2 legs in my 4 legged stool

I'm really not at liberty to say what I want but for the past few days I have been trying to absorb some information and a reality that I'm just not happy with. In my support network of friends, I am going to lose 2 close friends in 2008. They aren't going to die or anything drastic like that, they are changing their situations. Situations that will put a distance and a strain on our relationships but are excellent moves in their personal and professional lives and I wish them the best.
As far as close friends go, I tend to keep the intimate circle small. There was a risk in doing that and I've lost. Yes, I can try to make new friends, deepen the other friendships I have, but right now I'm mourning the coming loss of a certain kind of intimacy & rapport I had with them.
The problem is that intimacy did not develop instantaneously and the rapport can be hard to find in others. Certain geographic, professional, and public transit options make some relationships easier to cultivate than others. Some friendships require downright near stalking (ie Jonathan, one of the legs) and I really don't want to expand the hunting down part beyond Jon.
Since my past little anxiety attack I realized how important the support network was. How much I needed people who were okay with listening to my unfounded fears and concerns and were willing to help with my emotional burdens. People who give me the freedom to cry.
And now I'm going to lose them, in one way or another. Well, at least I have a year to enjoy their company and talk it out. But one thing is for sure, I'm going to make them paint my house before they are gone. Same goes for you, other legs.