Entrepreneurial Me

For one who works for Big Brother, I mean Uncle Sam, I must acknowledge my entrepreneurial streak. It's there, but it doesn't play a obvious role. However in my dating of The Help (MH), I'm becoming more aware of it. Early on I told him that he was so occupying my thoughts I was thinking of charging him rent. Amazingly he didn't run screaming from me. Last night I told him of my middle school antics of where I was a gum dealer. Not only did I LOVE gum, I sold it to my classmates against school rules. I bought gumballs around the corner for about .03 or .05 cents then, resold them to classmates for about .10.
With my home I rent out my extra bedroom and sleep in the smallest room. Heck if the cellar wasn't so frickin cold and creepy and damp, I'd camp out down there and rent out my room. I see an empty bedroom and I see money that can be made.
I see my front yard and I see produce that can be bartered, and I do barter.
I walk down the street and sometimes I see money, literal, actual money.
Then there is the housing mojo, which I have discovered can be used for other people. With the house it is more of a discount than a money falling out of the sky thing. For the longest while I had a 3.75% mortgage. Fixed. Also got the house before the market went crazy. And my annual real estate taxes are crazy low. PB2G.
America, land of opportunity, if your actually looking for it.

London- 2004

2004LLX
Originally uploaded by In Shaw

I am just liking this old pix of The Help. He had more hair then....
Anyway, we traveled to London because the previous year I went to the London Lindy Exchange alone, and it was very follow heavy and said 'screw this I'm bringing my own damned lead.' And I did. We went to London, danced, walked around. He did his thing (got interviewed by another radio geek at the BBC), I did mine, and we met up for dinner to recount the day. It was a very enjoyable trip.

Craigslist once again damages my faith in humanity

I have a chair. I want to give it away. It is a nice chair but, I haven't used it much. It fails to roll on carpet and the rollers damage wood floors so it sat in the basement.
Now were it not for the friendly neighborhood drug dealers I would have put it on the sidewalk with a nice "FREE" sign. Drug dealers like chairs. Especially nice cushioned chairs with wood detailing and wheels. So the sign option was out. I couldn't figure out pictures and Freecycle so Craigslist.
I don't know why I keep doing this. Maybe because it is less worse than trying to find a roommate, but Craigslist puts me in contact with the flakes of the world. But before I go on I must admit I committed a Craigslist sin and I blame my contractor. I wanted insulation. I wanted my contractor to pick it up. My contractor wanted nothing to do with it and told the listee (as far as I know) it wasn't worth it. I felt bad because of all the back and forth.
Anyway, guy emails me, says his friend wants my chair, I call him, leave a message, his friend calls me. The friend and I settle on a something that diverges from my post because I actually put a pick up window. After work, before I go to bed, is the window. Didn't work for friend. So I agree to leave it outside for a time, cover it up, blah. Next morning chair still in yard. So I go to the next person who emailed me about the chair, offer it to him. I'll know later this evening if he's another no show. If he is, I'll contact the next person. I get a call from the no-show friend, who wanted to go into an explanation that pretty much insulted my neighborhood.
Jimmney Christmas, if you don't want to be wandering in the hood in the AM then don't set up a pick up time in the f*ing AM. I want to take my fellow humans at their word. If you say you want to buy my laurel bay for $45 and you live "round the corner" then you better fraking return my fraking phone call and pick up the plant with money in hand. Do not call me a week later offering $35. No. I'll keep my gods dang plant. (Guess who was up all night watching BSG?) And same goes for the heart pine wood. Either you want it or you don't. Don't jerk me around saying you're going to come, ask me to stick around the house for a window of time that resembles what I've got to deal with from the pest control dude. Somethings aren't worth the $10 I'm asking for.

Not Even Halloween Yet

...and I'm seeing mention of Christmas.
Seriously.
Will the people in charge of the civil, secular xmas please for the love of your unknown god zip it till Thanksgiving.

Body & Spirit

I pondered this idea with MH, hereafter to be referred to as "The Help" mainly because I've called him my driver and recently he's done some janitorial work around the house. I was thinking that the mind, spirit, soul whatever is too closely linked with the body and it's chemistry to be separate. You have a lobotomy, you change. You're not the same person.
I go back to sci-fi and how it leaves out the things that make us "US" that are related to hormones, brain chemistry, medication (or lack thereof), and low level pain from parts of the body that make us grumpy. In Freaky Friday, mom gets transferred into daughter. But what of the adolescent brain development and raging hormones? Or when the angry woman gets transferred into Capt. James T. Kirk and he gets all effeminate, why? Did a shot of estrogen come along for the ride? Then there is the brain software transferred into computers, robots, etc, which lack the signals (most of the time) to tell us that our big toe itches, french toast would hit the spot, it's that time of the month, we're tired, that music is loud, So-N-So is coming and she got on my last nerve, etc. In that way wouldn't the electrical transfer be something akin to transferring a Mac program to at PC or a Palm pilot?
Why does any of this matter? Well it does relate to the "resurrection of the dead" part in belief. We need this body to raise up, because so much of who we are, what temptations we struggle with (crosses to bear), is tied up in the physical form.

Tag 'em and bag 'em

When I was last in Florida I got in touch with the side of the family that distrusted the white man in the form of government that wants to take away your children, your right to protect yourself (from the angry mobs of white men with guns to take away your guns), and who wants to microchip you like some odd whale that needs to be tracked. This is in opposition to the side of the family that trusts government but believes in the white man's continual oppression of the black man. One side bureaucrats working for local and federal government, the other side self employed a-holes. Me, I work for the government but I side with the a-holes, because the government can take away your children, property, and your life.
Whilst gettin' my hair did by my cousin with the salon, in a shop he patched together and sold U of Miami clothing and worthless handbags, I got questioned about microchipping. Then this got into a conversation about walking around without ID. I try not to go to far without my ID. Only because I want to prove I have insurance and not be mistaken for a crackhead and have the EMS take their sweet time. Apparently it is the norm for the family to wander the street sans drivers license or wallet and if they are pulled over give their SS#. It seems the cops can just pull up their info and picture with that number and that's good enough. They bristle and the idea of being required to leave the house with ID.
The distrust on their part is the idea that the white man in the form of the government wants to track and control their movements and restrict their freedoms to be independent and free men. For if the government can tell you how to parent, where to live, what kind of job to have, and how to do that job, you are not free.

Get a 2nd opinion

In today's Washington Post:

She was dumped by a boyfriend who no longer wished to follow her around the world. She found herself heartbroken and sick and finally went to a doctor who said he had news -- at 39, she was with child. Impossible, she replied: Throughout her previous 17-year marriage she tried repeatedly to get pregnant, but was told it could never happen because of fibroids and various other conditions. Besides, her then-lover had told her he'd had a vasectomy, she says.
But she was pregnant. The doctors urged her to abort, she says, because she wouldn't be able to carry to term. Then, Graves says, she was told the child had Down syndrome.
But in 2004 she delivered a healthy baby girl -- "and she's perfect."

Graves being opera singer Denyce Graves. Her wedding pix & story is splashed all over the Style section.
Gad, that or those doctors should be held responsible, as in malpractice suit responsible, not criminal court responsible for misdianosing the child, known as Ella as having Downs. Being in one's late 30s and wanting kids being told to abort someone who you might actually want to have around is fightin words.
This made me think of something a doctor told my sister about Alex, that she was going to have a club foot. Well maybe the pre-natal pixs were too grainy (seriously how do you make anything out in those things?) but she had decent feet.
Then there are the small errors one hears, oh actually that wasn't a girl it's a boy repaint the room thing. Anyway this make me wonder about the level of accurracy in pre-natal diagnosis. There is some accurracy but how often do docs get it wrong or are they being over cautious?

Thoughts on Children, other people's

One of the hard things, among a thousand other things, of living in the city is seeing a scene that I've seen several times before and saddens me. About a week ago I heard a woman on the escalator cursing a blue streak. The words, "damned" "ass" and possibly MF were used. It was harsh language. I didn't see her until the escalator brought her halfway up and I noticed the object of her curses, impatience and annoyance was a child no more than 3 years old. She's not the first mother I've heard curse viciously with nasty blue language in the hood.
I've just finished reading another blog's comments where the majority's sentiment could be boiled down to some people shouldn't have children and there should be some screening process to keep any old body from being a parent. Well considering what criteria people would put up then I guess in that world I wouldn't have the most amazing nieces and nephew. Because seriously, what panel in their right mind would allow my sister to reproduce? She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer and one of the biological fathers of the kids was in prison. She isn't monied. She's very likely to remain low-income. But despite her parenting skills, she's got some great kids.
She isn't the only person with some influence in how the kids are raised. There is their grandma, their step-father, their uncle & aunt (in the case of the nephew), and a gaggle of intrusive other family members. We step in and sometimes take over where she fails. With the exception of my nephew's adoption my my uncle & aunt, there is nothing formal. None of what happened was predicted at the time of their arrival. Who knew she was going to get married? Who knew I was going to buy them a house? Who knew that the nephew would charm another set of relatives so much they would keep him? Who knew? Nobody, 'cept G-d. And maybe that's why we need to leave a lot to him and not some eugenics board.

Just be yourself

BL and I were noting this thing talking over glasses of prosecco about high school vs college. "Just be yourself." You have heard it a million times before and when you were younger you didn't believe it. But older, I'm so thankful that I do believe it and am begining to practice that.
Oh the time wasted trying to be someone else! Trying to impress people with a false front. And then there is the mental anguish of it all. Not that being yourself doen't have it's own problems when 'you' clash with someone else. But at least you're fighting and defending and sometimes sacrificing what is true.
I look forward to that day when in my older age when I don't give a rip what others think of me. Of course I'll have to reign myself in as there is the person I strive to be, for the sake of my own happiness and rightness with G-d, and the misirable wretch that I am. But that struggling person is the person I am.

It's a bug AND a feature

Chatting with the Mikey about some of my characteristics, one being stubborn independence. I proclaimed it was a bug and a feature. Depending on the situation it can be stupid or admirable. Not asking for help/blowing off offers of help, insisting on carrying my own luggage up the stairs, ignoring other's advice and doing my own thing, etc.
Yes, wonderful things happen when help is offered and received, however, I'm impatient and if I want something done (not exactly done right), I'll do it myself.

Meana

Meana- Short for "Mean Angry Baby". Well Meana isn't a baby or a toddler any more. She's in Pre-K and was willing to give me a hug when I was leaving. Which is a great improvement over last time.
Unlike her siblings she won't easily crack a smile. She isn't always looking for a hug and if she doesn't know you then **** you. According to her tattle-tale older sister, Meana has said some bad words.
Sitting out on the stoop on a Friday night where Meana lives, I observed the happenings of the subsized housing. People playing rated R and NC-17 music (seriously listen to the lyrics, F bombs a droppin'), cursing, drinking and carrying on while a gang of 4 year olds (led by Meana) run around at the edge of a parking lot. I asked her father if the place was like that normally (being a Friday night I expect activity), yup, this could be Wednesday too.
So it will be interesting to see if Meana finds another gang in her new local and if I think she'll still hold up a liquor store. The new location isn't low crime as I think the house experienced some vandalism. Most people I've expressed concern to about this suppose it was just bored teens or a disgruntled former occupant. Anyway, it is quiet over there with a big yard, so the girls should be able to entertain each other.

Healthcare

Somewhere in my house is a National Insurance Numbercard from when I worked in London in the 90s. I can't remember if I had any payroll taxes taken out by the British government. I was more concerned about Uncle Sam getting his cut, and even though I was making money overseas, Uncle Sam got his f'in cut. Anyway, it was one of several things I had to do to get legal. Register with the local police station, get an NHS card. I didn't use the system, though it was in London I got pneumonia, it was in the US where I got treated. No insurance. I saw the family doctor, he gave me some free meds, paid $50, that's it.
I wish I did save check stubs from that period to see.
With the whole debate about health going on, I do think there should be some reform, of what, is another matter. Being conservative I'm pretty much concerned about another entitlement program. I don't believe that only families making above $250K will be the only ones paying for it. I'm paying for Medicare now. Comes out of the paycheck every pay period. Who knows if the friggin baby boomers will have broken and bankrupted it by the time I age into it. Same thing with social security. They're edging up the retirement age. Good thing I like my job. I'm paying for that too. Damned hippies will have broken it when I get to that age. All the while, I'll be paying for their medical marijuana. Thank goodness for IRAs, TSPs, and 401ks. Face it, we weren't supposed to live that long. We were to drink and smoke ourselves to death. Eat rich foods, get fat, die of a heart attack. Now I get to live longer so I can work longer.
Pass the butter.

That's some Gaydar

On the season premier of Mad Men, Sal and our favorite man-whore, Don Draper, check into a Baltimore hotel. The man-whore, beds some flightly stewardess, not even trying to be good or faithful to his wife, as expected. Don is very disappointing, but interesting. Sal on the other hand goes to his room alone, complains to the desk that his rooms AC is on the fritz and has a bell hop come and fool around with the dial.
I was disappointed in Sal in Season 2, when it showed he got married to a woman. Why he had to drag some poor woman into is deep closet? Deep, deep closet. He could have stayed single like the Belle Joli rep who hit on him, but alas, no. Misery loves company.
Anyway, the bell hop 'fixes' the AC and we see a close up of Sal's money clip as he flips through 10s and 5s and 1s. My thoughts on this scene were A- RUN SAL YOU GONNA GET ROBBED, it's Baltimore! B- Wow that's some old looking money. C- Ah come on, he fixed your AC give the man a 5.... how much is a 5 in 1964 dollars? And then the bell hop gets into his personal space, and plants a big ole kiss on him. Dang, that is some gaydar.
I'm not going to describe what happens afterwards but let's say it gets far enough that Sal has to adjust his clothes when the fire alarm goes off and he's caught by Don, experienced man-whore, as he and the stewardess go down the fire escape.
Later on the flight back poor Sal looks like "OMG, OMG, you're gonna out me and ruin my life, I'm going to have to live in a box and never wear french cuffs again! Waaah" when Don leans over to talk about the London Fog account. The key phrase of that conversation is "limit your exposure." Advice from one man-whore to I guess another.
Is there anythign morally redeeming about the show? So far not really. But I don't watch it for the morals. I watch it for the deep rich flawed and broken characters, the bright shiny and modern 60s of Dick Van Dyke, all the drinking adn interesting paranting styles. 2 bonus points if your 8 year old can mix drinks.

Argh my parents

About 10 years ago my parents divorced after 30 years of marriage. Then about a year ago they started dating each other. They never solved the property issue of daddy's name on the house and the lot. So now daddy is parking his heavy equipment on the lot and sort of reclaiming "part" of the life he walked out on. I say part because I know what or who in the next town over is keeping those two from restarting. And it isn't entirely her fault, so it's hard to be mad at her. So I'm annoyed at him.
Anyway, dad took mom out to dinner and breakfast last week. I have no idea what the hell those two are up to. So when I think of them, I say I'm happy they are hanging out and forming some sort of relationship, but it ends with me exclaiming "argh!"

The big question

Well I asked a question.
I got the answer I expected.
And the answer I was not expecting.

A special place in Hell

People want Hell.
Not for themselves, or for really nice people who don't believe in a triune G-d. No. Hell is for the people they hate. People who do bad things. Corrupt officials, the guy who cuts you off and gets away with it, jackasses. Hell. People want Hell for those people. If there is a god, his grace would be denied to those wrong doers, or he'd judge them to Hell, or somehow they'd get there without a G-d.
I'm willing to entertain the idea, I heard from my liberal priest (back when going to St. Georges) supposed that G-d's grace is extended to all, and he can save all, and even the worst of us can be welcomed into Heaven by G-d's grace. However, I don't believe there is no one in Hell. I do believe in the human ability to be stubborn into eternity and would deny that he is Lord or reject his love and doom themselves to Hell. Or a Hell.
I have various views of Heaven and Hell. If Heaven is an eternal Mass, or worshipfest of G-d, that would be Hell to someone. The idea of hanging out with Jesus and singing his praises sounds alright to me (I worry about bad worship music, yes, even in Heaven, Praise and Worship Pop music could sneak in).

Mikey's Church

Wallace Pres.
Originally uploaded by In Shaw

Well they've move out of the public high school auditorium and finally have a working church.
The worship space is multifunctional it seems as you can move the chairs around. There are no pews.
The good points, it's a shiny building with a screaming baby room. Every church needs a screamy baby room. May many churches be blest with screamy babies.

St. Mattress of the Holy Comforter

I try to avoid conversations where I will wind up saying really, really, super nice and kind people are going to Hell. I really try because I have no desire to be rude. But as of late I've been having conversations that force me into choosing to lie or be rude. My general desire is to avoid the conversation in the first place.
Anyway, I've been listening to a Unitarian. I don't believe Buddha, the Hindu gods, and everyone else's god is the same as mine. But I won't waste energy arguing this when the other person is invested in the all religions are the same philosophy. I simply prefer not to argue.
I believe in the great I AM, who is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. The great three for one deal. I do not believe he is the same as the other gods that other humans worship. If he were the same as others he should have not bothered commanding that he is a jealous god, and the Israelites should have no other gods before him. That would have been a good opportunity to mention how he revealed himself to other nations in different forms, but he didn't. So I'll take him at his word he's it, the one and only.
Also there is the matter of Jesus. If you want just a Jewish teacher, go with Hillel the Elder. Jesus was the Word made flesh, the Lamb of G-d, not just some teacher. I do not drag myself to church almost every week, for a watered down deity, a nice guy, and warm and fuzzy teacher. If that were the case I'd switch to St. Mattress of the Holy Comforter. It is a warm and inviting space, with no liturgy, no creeds, or doctrine. Just think pleasant thoughts and feel the warmth. Or throw off the Holy Comforter if it gets too hot. Unfortunately, there comes a time when the Church of the morning springs calls and you have to get up.
Seriously, I want to sleep in all weekend.

The order of things

G-d, Family, Country. In that order.
Country is my employer. It is also the local government. Its laws and mores. It also includes the community I live in.
Family. Mom. Dad. Sis. Sis's family. Half-Sis. Cousins. 2nd Cousins. Uncles. Aunts. Distant relatives. Members of my ethnic group, sometimes. Sometimes they'll get lumped in with country.
G-d. The trinity or the 3 for 1 special on deities. Church structure. Community of believers, but they sometimes get thrown in with country. Add also ideologies, that sometimes belong with country and faith, which rests with G-d.

Recently I was asked, well more accurately, told of something where the questioner expected some sort of outrage or affirmation of their own anger at that something. I sensed their disappointment that I did not share their anger at the incident. I understood the anger, but did not share it. Mainly because it countered my faith and the Church (ideology?) I have freely chosen to adopt.
We parted and I let the encounter sink in, and wept. In the past few days it appears that the disappointment from the other person has not severed our relationship, which I value. Rationally, being of diverse minds and valuing different things, such an event was bound to occur.

I *heart* dystopias

Logan's Run, Soylent Green, Mad Max, Gattaca, 1984, Equilibrium, Idiocracy, Children of Men, Fahrenheit 451 (though that one reminded me too much of Dr. Who), The Island, and Wall-E.
They do not make me fearful of the future because I find part of the philosophy behind them flawed. For one I believe in rebellion. As long as there are teenagers on the planet there will be rebellion, and thus someone undermining the system. Secondly, there is a streak of contrarianism that flows though many of my associates and friends, which makes me believe that whatever grand scheme a government, super-corporation, Baptist theocrats that manage not to break up after the first year (Handmaid's Tale), or other large power that takes over the whole world, will be challenged, undermined, or ignored. Brave New World had the Savages, Fahrenheit 451 had the folks out in the woods reciting books to no one in particular, Gattaca had the love children (people who were not genetically designed), and so on.
The environmental hellfire and brimstone tv or cinematic bits showing a hellish Waterworld (yes, I watched it), or NYC of Soylent Green have their own problems. Humans are wonderfully adaptable. Yeah, a whole bunch of us will die off with any great change. But there are Eskimos (can't spell the proper native name) in the Hell I call Alaska and northern Canada, Aboriginals in the Outback, Arabs in the desert, Isrealites in the desert, and other people in places that are too cold, too hot, and just plain crappy.

Well that's depressing

Yes, many of you who actually know me, know I have a small vein of distrust against the government, yeah the same one that writes my paycheck. There is also a small, but not as strong distrust of large corporations. Mainly because no matter how big, corporations legally can't shoot you. I would say they can't take away your property or rights, but with lawyers, anything is possible, except the shooting. Maybe.
So I was poking around on the blogosphere and saw this diagram of large food corporations and their relationship to organics. Then I picked up my box of Truvia, the natural no calorie funny tasting sweetner, and it's made by Cargill.
I like the idea of small businesses and small farms, or mid-sized farms, and my food coming from them. Maybe I'll come to the day where I buy my chicken from small producers. But I'm not there yet.

Sister well and the search begins

The funny thing I guess about housing the poor is, when the Feds threaten to kick em all out and the people have no where to go (really give people time to house hunt), the government finds a way. So for now, sis is safe. Because really, in the paper they were saying that all with no criminal record and good credit would be placed in alternative housing. We all know my sister's credit is crap, so in that scenario the family would be living under a bridge. Part of me knows that my sister may screw me with the whole house buying proposal, because of what stems from the bad credit. It's not like she doesn't have or can't get the money, it's just that she finds other things to spend the money on.
Anyway, the Realtor thinks if I buy a short sale I'd be getting a really good deal because the bank would be eating a lot of the value. Let's say for fun, I was looking at a house listed at $40K. The house might be valued at 85K. It's up to the bank to decide if they want to eat $45K. The bank may take 3-4 months to decide that. Knowing sis is in no rush to move, I can wait.
I also found it humorous what the agent calls, needing work. New carpet and updating. My goal, something better than the rat hole mom lives in. The same rat hole mom refuses to leave. Of relatives willing to leave rat holes, is my sister's family, so for her, I look for housing. Besides they are all young enough to do improvement work. Mom, not so much.
Hopefully, this week the relatives will be shown the inside of one house I can afford. As far as I'm concerned, if the roof doesn't leak, the electricity doesn't spark and the water runs clear good enough. Stoves, fridges, carpet and A/C units can be bought. So I await to hear from them.

Florida Property Cheap

I could fix my basement or I could buy property in Florida.
Florida is on sale.
So that's how I see it.
So I have it in my head that I'm going to buy investment property in my hometown. I saw something on-line cheap. Dirt cheap. I could write a check for it cheap. So I contacted a real estate agent and I've been getting emails.
I've been looking on-line at properties, calling Mom up and asking her to drive by them. The 1st cheap property has title issues and its in an historic district, so no.
Anyway my plans are to get in a decent financial situation and go down to Florida, look at a few properties, buy something and have my sister and her family move in and deal with maintenance and taxes while I let time and development increase the value of my investment.
Called up Mom today, and she informed me that the city is going to condemn my sister's apartment building. Rush job on the property search. And because of the rush, I can't just look for a fixer upper, buy it free and clear, and fix it whenever. Crap. I need to find something I can put my sister in now and I may need to carry a mortgage. Shyte.

Unplanned

As I remember Mom telling me of my conception, I came forth via a lack of action, or laziness. I have taken that theme of laziness to heart. But all in all I think I was unplanned. I was an unplanned pregnancy. Not unwanted, just, we didn't really plan, but you can and we're happy you're here kind of thing. That what I thought of when I couple sort of announced their coming child. It wasn't like they were trying to get pregnant, but it "just happened" and they are looking forward to becoming parents. Yay.
The small people, my nieces and nephew were definitely unplanned and their arrival worrisome. But now, I'm happy they are all here, regardless of who their guardians all happen to be. My sister was on birth control however, its proper administration and practice was not a top priority for her, add sex and tada, kids.
I think of all the other stuff that just happens, that isn't really planned. Some of the people I work with were not history majors, somehow they wound up working with history. We do plan for some stuff, to employed doing something is the general plan, to be a particular job title, working for a particular company or organization, not so much. In general I plan to work till I don't want to, some time after being retirement aged. I hope to continue to stay at the same place I am now, but you never know, I may get married and follow my husband, I may switch jobs due to some new interest or unforeseen thing, or health emergency may change those plans.
There is a lot I don't know. Thus, there is stuff I can't plan for. So I can only assume that all things will remain constant going in one direction, and I'll plan for that.

Everybody Dies

That will be my new children's book that will take off in Japan, in the tradition of great children's literature of Everybody Poops.
The book will have lots of illustration of people with XXs for eyes, and the text will go like this:
Shakespeare during his lifetime wrote several wonderful plays and sonnets, he died.
Abraham Lincoln was President of the United States and freed the slaves, he went to the theater and died.
Susan B. Anthony fought for women's rights and is on a dollar coin, she's dead.
Gandhi achieved independence for India with non-violence, and he died.
Albert Einstein was a brilliant scientist who gave us the Theory of Relativity and he died.
Mother Teresa was a nun who fed and cared for the poor, she died.
Mr. Thompson down the street was a kind man who liked puppies, he's dead too.
Which just goes to prove, everybody dies.

Different?

I'm asked if I feel any different now that I'm Catholic. Um, no. Except now I actually get up to accept the host, as opposed to keeping my butt firmly in the pew. Besides that it just feels like I just switched churches, something I've done before. And it is not like I've actually left the Church of the Really Really Blond People. I plan on still showing up there for one reason or another. I like the people, the music is good, the programming is excellent, why leave?
I've told a few people of the change. I ran into a fellow I knew from the CotRRBP on the Circulator. He mentioned how he no longer goes to the CotRRPB but instead now attends another Episcopal church up the street from CotRRBP. I then admitted that I now am Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering (I really need to make up a new name, Our Lady of Diversity? Immaculate Pew? The Church of the Holy Dashboard Charm?). I gave my cop out reason of being able to roll out of bed 15 minutes before Mass, as the charm of Our Lady. I pointed to the church and he mentioned how he knew of Fr. LEV.
I just thought of another charm of Our Lady, no dress code. Most of the time I do make an effort. But ya know there are times when you don't have time to change or anything to wear, or you're in the middle of something (and taking a break to go to Mass) and dirty jeans will have to do.

It's all about the Washingtons

US one dollar coin 2007 .
Originally uploaded by tenor_t

I'm thinking I could be more charitable, more giving, and enact my own monetary policy by giving away dollar coins to the homeless, beggars, crack-heads and con-men who show up at my door.
Here is the problem, the dollar coin is just not catching on. Just not. Susan B. Anthony was a flop. The Native American chick whose name I can't spell, her coin hasn't done jack. The presidential coins will probably fail too. But you know, I can help try to bring vitality to the dollar coin by putting it in the hands of people who will want to be rid of it.
However, I sense that I will spend too much time arguing that the coins are actual legal tender.

The problem with being an adult

....is that you listen to lyrics. I just downloaded Iron Man by Ozzy Osbourne. Great Jimminey Cristmas!

What not to do on a hot day

Engage in marathon cooking and decide not to use the AC.
Yesterday I made the following:
Lamb Stew
Rice- 2.5 weeks worth of lunches
Scallion Soup
mini key lime pies
Orange Ice Cream
Chicken Pate
Salmon in soy sauce

I am trying, and failing, to use up the stuff in my freezers. I want to turn the saved ingredients into lunchable food. I have a lot of frozen fruit which I've just been throwing into glasses of ice tea or lemonade in lieu of ice cubes. I thought I had a recipe calling for bread crumbs, nope. I was hoping to rid myself of the bread crumbs and crossant crumbs. There might be a soup recipe for that.....
Also what not to do... stand for hours in flip flops. My feet and legs were dog tired last night after trying to make tons of food. I did not make as I didn't have the energy or will to make heart-attack lamb stew (I feel my heart seize up when I take my first bite), make it up as I go along ginger lamb curry, and lets see what happens when you mix coconut milk-freeze dried lemongrass and chicken breast.

A tale of two bags

This morning on the sidewalk
Two plastic bags huddled together
The little black bag tried comforting the big white bag
But it was not to be comforted.
Distressed, the black bag floated away
leaving the white bag, with it's crumpled smiley face
in a grimace.

Mom not fired, yay

Well I'm happy. My mom did not lose her job. Totally not related to the economy, but more related to petty co-workers and the conditions of her job. Mommie works for a nursing home and when she first mentioned something was wrong she thought it was because of an incident. She was trying to take care of a 'crazy man' who had undone his restraints and when she turned her back he lunged after her. She ran and held the door shut. Fine, except there were a few other patients in the room with the 'crazy man'. Not so good. But she found out she was placed on probation because someone had accused her of abuse. Silly.
Worse mom did was yell at a patient. Yes, she'll desert you and leave you to fend for yourself, but she'd never lay a hand on you. Well an investigation was made and mommy was cleared.
I'm happy she still has a job, as it keeps her out of trouble.

Closer to freedom

I came close to canceling my one credit card.
I honestly and truly want to cut it up and close the account I've had since undergrad. I've had this stupid credit card for over 15 years and like the Highlander it is the only one.
I have debit cards and I tend to use those exclusively. I can even get points with them. A few more signed purchases and maybe I can get a $25 gift card.
Anyway, I called up the credit card company, and asked to have the credit limited lowered to a couple of thou, down from $14,000. I don't need a $14K credit limit. I don't want to owe that much. Sudhir (not his name) somewhere at a call center in India warned me that I couldn't get cash advances now. Good. I rarely used the cash advance thing anyway. Then he tried to get me to transfer my balances... what balances?
I'm one summer roommate away from fully funding an emergency fund and being able to comfortably call up the credit card company and telling Sudhir or Shanti to cancel my card forever, freeing me from one more account to keep track of.

Dried peas are a NO

I tried them and I hate them.
I was hoping to be able to have something shelf stable and wean myself off frozen peas and freeing up freezer space. Nope.
Black beans, I'm fine with. Navy beans, in a soup are good. Peas on their own, crap. Total and complete crap. Patoohey!

Forgiveness and History

History is dangerous. For lying in the past are unresolved grudges, slights, injustices, actions judged by today's standards as wrong and errors. These are not safely tucked away in the past, that once a day has passed all the bad and evil is locked in time and unable to harm the present. Nope. It gets resurrected like a zombie, and it's coming to get you.
I was thinking of the grudges and the idea that group A 'owes' group B something because the first group stole, hoodwinked, or wronged the second. And an apology or replacement in kind just wont cut it because went you add interest, subtract previous attempts at getting even, and factor in lost opportunities it never settles it. The only thing that settles the debt is forgiveness. Well that or wiping out one group.

Well got that over with

Yesterday I finally did what I didn't bother doing 18 years ago in Gainesville, FL at St. Augustines.
Today, I am enjoying a traditional Easter Sunday. I'm staying home. My aunt pestered me on why I stay home, what reasoning was behind it. Not a good one, I admitted, but I wasn't going to tell her what it was. But it is now a tradition of mine, something I've been doing for about 15 years (with a few exceptions), I see no reason to break tradition.

Why I need to clean the bathroom

Feminism is useless against the dust bunnies under my clawfoot tub.
Despite having two graduate degrees, a good job that uses those degrees and not being tied to a man, I have to lower myself to my knees to engage in the drudgery of cleaning the damned bathroom.... because no one else will.
I could pay a woman, and it is usually a woman, maybe two from the maid service, to do all the cleaning. However, maid service is about $80-$125 a week. According to friends, almost always couples, maids like to come once a week, if forced to be bi-monthly, they will charge you more. Also according to friends, they don't always clean everything. So if I want it done right and done cheap/free, I have to clean it.
Somewhere a mother is wrongly discouraging her daughter any of the home arts. This is a mistake. She should be teaching her children, regardless of gender, how to clean the oven, and correctly sorting the laundry. Because regardless how educated you become, your place needs cleaning and your food needs cooking, and the school doesn't issue domestic staff with those degrees.
When I was younger I didn't give much thought to the housecleaning. I had roommates, we shared the duties and did half assed jobs at cleaning whatever room we were assigned to. As I get older, and as most of my friends have either gotten a maid, assigned one spouse/partner to housekeeping, or decided that cleaning is overrated/ unnecessary/ pointless, I care about the dust bunnies. I see the dust bunnies messing up my nice floors and the renovation work.
Damned bunnies.

iTunes world

Okay I started this post to complain that iTunes didn't have the bad Euro-pop song I wanted to explain why my last 6 purchases have been nothing but non-English songs. But I did a quick check and low and behold there it was, Toy Box's The Sailor Song.
So let's look at my last 10 purchases.

10. History by Matthew West. This was recommended by iTunes with the purchase of the sacred harp song Christian Soldier, which I really like, and What a Friend We Have In Jesus, which I don't like so much.

9. Je veux te vior by Yelle. I this was recommended by iTunes when I purchased the English version of 8 & 7. It is a fun high energy French-pop-dance song.

8. I'm a Gummy Bear. I bought this in the Orlando Airport when I was curious about what was tops on the iTune dance chart.

7. Ich bin dein Gummibar (Marschmellow mix). Same song, remixed and in German.

6. Maahi Ve (Soundtrack). This came after watching the Bollywood film Kal Ho Naa Ho (Tomorrow may never come). It is from the high energy wedding dance scene where the guys rock the sandals in Hindi.

5. Mambo Italiano by Mauro Ottolini. Was in an italian music mood. I got a lot of French songs. why not. And I wanted a version not done by Dean Martin or Rosemary Clooney.

4. Bella Bella Signorina by Patrizio Buanne. see above.

3. Tu Vuo Fa' l'americano. I have 2 English versions of this, why not.

2. The Sailor Song (Extended version) by Toy Box. Bad, bad, morally questionable bubble euro-pop.

1. Caramelldansen by Caramell. The speeded up version of a dance song. More bad brain rotting Euro-pop. I can't tell if it is in German or English.

I think the best thing I can do for the people around me is listen to music with my headphones, because no one should have to listen to my iPhone go from traditional Christian to Euro-pop to modernist classical (Peter Glass) to sappy 80s power ballads and the like.

One woman mission

If there is anyone who ministers to whiny bloggers with the cold or flu (I got no clue as to what I have), fyi, I need help.

Got a quick call from Mom this morning. In passing she mention this woman she knows, and whose name is familiar to me, who dropped off a few loaves of bread for her and some hot dog buns for my sister. We talked about this. It was this woman's mission, give bread away. That's it, bread. Hot dog buns, hamburger buns, white bread, bready bread, bread and give it away. If you know enough people willing to take the charity, and you've got enough bread, you've got yourself a mission. What idea. Picking one little thing you can do, and going out into the world and doing it. And it is so small it doesn't require government aid, nor a large organization or even a church structure (though I suspect church ties do play a part).
A radio program I listen to occasionally does a 'giving hour' where callers call in and tell their tales of giving. The easy ones are leaving a huge tip to an IHOP waitress, like $100 tip. The trickier ones are anonymously leaving money to families they know are experiencing hardship, because there are so many things that can go wrong in the execution of the giving and the interpretation of the receiving.
Bread. Well if you know the people and you know they'll take the bread, that sounds like a pretty decent mission.

Vegan Friday Ruined by Unmarked Soup

I figured that I'd have more of the crappy hated vegan pumpkin soup. Let us note that the crappy pumpkin soup is crappy because it has a vegetable broth base and not a chicken stock base. Also, not too keen on pumpkin in large doses.
So today I had cream of wheat with soy milk, romaine lettuce salad and, I thought, crappy pumpkin soup. No. I'm enjoying butternut squash, apple and bacon soup. I thought I ate all that soup months ago. When I made the crappy pumpkin soup I didn't bother labeling it, because it's orange and soupy. What else in the freezer could be orange and soupy? Butternut. Who knew.
Though this violates the fast, it is an honest mistake. The soup was left over in the office fridge from yesterday because I was eating leftover vegetarian chili B. had made and thought that was punishment enough. B.'s chili wasn't bad, but not what I was yearning for that day. So until I ate it and discovered it didn't suck, I thought I was eating vegan soup.
Now for those whom I've pawned off my pumpkin soup on, please remember that either you're a neighbor's 1 year old and it doesn't matter how it tastes or I added chicken stock for you.

I wanna be selfish

'Cause selfish me would be going to Universal Studios. Instead we are more than likely going to go to some garden in Orlando, and walk around. Mom didn't want us spending money.
Stupid economy.
Last year we did Sea World. The year before that Disney. I figured we should hit the one big amusement park I have never been to this year. But noooooo.
Yes in theory I could rent my own car, and grab my niece and go off to the theme park of my choice, but I'm too cheap for that. Also I'd never hear the end of it.
Worst of it, I'm hanging out with Baptists who will be on their best behavior. Which means I'll get strange looks or someone is going to bring it to my attention should I order a 'spirited' drink.
Well at least the weather is supposed to be nice.

Fat Tuesday & Lent

Tonight I had a $50 meal as a celebration of Fat Tuesday. It was Bambi with a chestnut mashed potato thing and perfect green beans, and a good glass of red. For tomorrow I give up meat. And I will take on reading. A book that is. I will sit down with a book, and I will read it. This means I will be cutting back on the computer usage. And that is what I'm doing for Lent.

This Weekend

Friday I, well the whole block and several parts of the neighborhood lost power for about 24 hours. I was able to sneak in a quick shower in the morning, but as night descended I deserted the house and found shelter at DC Education Blog's family home. I stayed there for the night and the family showed me a hospitality that makes me very thankful to have them (even the nutty little chicklettes) in my life. After some good waffles and laughable antics by 3 year olds, I came back home.
While reading the Watchmen, I had the radio on and heard a wonderful acapella song, a lovely gospel song, "G-d is Good." (Youtube). As soon as the DJ announced the artist behind it I went to iTunes and bought it. I played it over and over and went I went to bed parts of the song kept bouncing around in my head. One of the reasons why it is a good song is that is like a hymn that calls for others to sing along, regardless of vocal talent. Another reason is that it builds. First she sings that 'he brought me out of darkness', then 'he saved my soul and brought me out of darkness', building on with other elements til at the end she sings:

I said that he healed my every sickness, with no money in my pocket, he still made a way out of no way, then he put food--- on my table, then he put shoes--- on my feet, so he could guide my every foot step, Jesus saved--- my soul, and then he brought me out of darkness.
G-d Is Good----.

Ash Wednesday is coming up. I think, depending on the hour, I'll be doing Christ Church as I'm not sure if my place is with Immaculate Conception as of yet. I admitted to Sam the caretaker at CC I was moving to another church when he noted that he doesn't see me around as much at CC. He asked pretty pointed questions, asking if the new church was Episcopalian. He probably was wondering if I was attending his church, which is 1 block from the house. No, I gave him my cop out reason, the same one I gave B & IT (yes, what do the atheistic/agnostic Jews care, but I keep them aware of my life)... 15 minutes after waking up I can be in a pew at IC. IT didn't think convenience was a valid excuse.

Now I'm cooking

This weekend I have been cooking. Dang-you Mexican Fruit Stand. Curses to a limited fridge and freezer space!
As of Monday 3:24 PM I have completed cooking and making the following:
Steamed Rockfish in some Chinese broth
Chicken Broth
Rice
Ziti in meat sauce
Goat and Parmesan Cheese Souffles
Banana Cake muffins
Chicken Curry
Chicken in Onion Gravy
Capon (leftover) in mushroom sauce
Capon (left over) in ginger sauce
Capon (leftover) cooked in a lemon, thyme and onion sauce/gravy
Garlicy Bulgar wheat
Leek and garlic soup &
Chicken noodle soup

When I am done resting at the computer I will cook a base for the lemongrass & mushroom tofu, sans tofu. 'Cause frying the tofu takes too much effort. I may roast the peppers and a few tomatoes for something, maybe soup when I find more containers.... I'm running out of containers. I've got to figure out what to do with some of the pears I bought, maybe throw them in a scone batch.
The problem with the Mexican Fruit stand.... dirt cheap food that will self destruct in 2-3 days if you don't cook or eat them.
In the next couple of days the rest of the bananas are going to go kablewy.

The economy is like a....

Supermodel who is coming down from a 10 year high on heroin, who had been overpaid and living in a Manhattan penthouse, who has just been dumped on a deserted street in Detroit with no money, no drugs and whose cell phone is about to die and whose last call is from her agency firing her for one too many diva moments, and for being over the hill.
The party is over and we're going through some nasty withdrawal symptoms.

Old Spice

I need to toss my spices. Some are old. Old enough to be in school old. However I bought some spices in bulk and they don't get used fast enough to justify buying more and tossing the big bag of.. chili powder. And really, I tasted the chili powder, it's still hot. The cloves are still clovevy. I did finally toss the baking powder after it ruined the yellow cake. Seems aged baking powder okay with chocolate cake. However with yellow cake, it turns it into a hard brick. So I bought a new can of powder. Now my scones are fluffy-ish. Scones should be like bricks. Oh well.

Wheat Scones with raisins

1 cup of whole wheat flour
1/2 cup of plain white flour
1 tablespoon of baking powder
1/4 teaspoon of salt
raisins- as many as you want
1 tablespoon or less of sugar
3 tablespoons (or so) of butter
1 egg
1/2 cup of milk

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.
Mix all the flours, the powder, salt and sugar together. Maybe throw in the raisins. You know, throw in the raisins whenever you feel like it, or at least before your throw the mix in the oven. With a grater, grate in a little butter. Mix. Grate some more. The original recipe said until it looks like course meal. This is another good time to throw in the raisins.
In another bowl, mix the egg and milk. Then slowly mix in the milk mix into the flour mix. Add and stir, add some more and stir. Do this till you have a big moist glob and start wondering to yourself if you've just made a big glob of whole wheat glue, with raisins.
On cookie sheet with parchment paper or something to prevent sticking, place little balls of whole wheat raisin gloop. Throw in oven for 14 minutes. Let cool for 5 minutes. Serve hot with marmalade and butter and tea.

Unhappy Spinster- Civ III not working

According to the support page apparently when I upgraded my Quicken and OS software I destroyed my ability to play CIV in my mac. I wanna waste a full day trying to avoid nuclear war. And I can't waaaaaahhhhhh!

Nobody call me

It appears that AT&T has dropped my voicemail. It says I don't have a mailbox. Though it is supposed to be part of my plans package. I wonder if it has anything to do with the back and forth I've been doing with the SIM card between the iphone and the regular phone.

Sing

Watching a foreign TV show I lamented the fact that pub life in the UK is waning. There is no place to join with others and sing. Then I remembered church. The one place where you can join with others to sing.

The only black today

Today I was the only black at church. I would say I was the only minority but there is a family that I suspect is Latino, but I'm not sure. I became even more aware of my lone-ness when today's speaker veered a little to close to a magic negro or magic person of color imagery. It wasn't the first time this person put in words something that made me wonder what exactly goes on in the head of middle class white people. Seriously, this is not something I wonder about a lot.
Anyway. I wound up as the tech support for auntie so I didn't catch the 6pm Fun with Latin Mass at Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion. The thing about Our Lady is that it is very racially mixed. It's small, and I doubt there is a really conscious effort to get that mix, but there is a mix.

Chicken

J. brought much joy to my heart last night when he brought over a chicken calendar.
I like chickens.
I've currently got a song "Chicken Rhythm" on repeat. The lyrics go "Bocka, bock, bock, bock, bock, bock, bocka...."
I decided to go on a search for chicken songs.
I have 'A Chicken Ain't Nothing But A Bird'(two versions); 'Chicken Today, Feathers Tomorrow'; 'Ain't Nobody Here But Us Chickens'; 'I get the neck of the chicken' and 'Chicken Shack Boogie." Maybe next I'll add songs where chicken is mentioned, like "Everybody Eats When They Come To My House."

Yet the chicken love is limited. If any chicken paperweights come my way they'll immediately go into the Goodwill bag.

Sweet tooth

Somewhere in my freezer are some wonderful cupcakes BL made over the holiday weekend.
As well are the mini chocolate truffle cakes and mini key lime pies. None of those lovely handmade treats are anywhere near my desk as I finish off lunch.
I do have granola, but I'm not wanting granola and the sweetened fruit that they contain. I want seriously bad for you, send you into diabetic shock, sweets from my freezer.
-wimper-
I'll fish a banana chip and some pineapple out of the granola. That should hold me over.

The importantance of labels

I'm trying to clear out my freezer. As a way to save money I'm trying to use up what I have, and discover what the heck is on the back shelf. I've already thrown out chicken and a really thick but brown lamb chop.
I have found little bits of meat and bone and fat I know I set aside for stock. Problem is I didn't label these random bits and have no f-ing clue what animal they came from. I can only eliminate goat. Maybe after defrosting, I can discern if it is chicken. I have bought ham hocks to flavor peas and beans. So there is a chance something could be pork. Huge chance something maybe lamb, and a possible chance of beef.
Today as part of my soup making I'm going to do something with chicken dated 6/23. No year. I'll smell it as I defrost it in the microwave and then I'll boil it. If the smell is off it is going into the trash. If I die anytime soon, you'll know why.

Random recipies- Creamy mushroom

The thing I love about cooking is that if you make certain things long enough you can start making up stuff. Today was mushroom soup. Yesterday as pumpkin soup. Not a big fan of pumpkin. Don't ask me why I cooked it.

Anyway, loosely, very loosely based on a Martha Stewart recipe-

Take butter- heat
Saute chopped onion in butter
Slowly add dustings of flour
Add a little veggie stock to keep moist as you dust with flour
Keep adding stock and flour dust till you get a nice thick sauce.
Add thyme
Add 2 sprigs of parsley
Add bay leaf
Add more thyme
In the non-stick IKEA pan heat butter
Add chopped mushrooms
Add salt and a wee bit of lemon juice
Then dump mushrooms in the floury - stocky stuff
Repeat the cooking of the mushrooms until you've cooked up a whole package worth of mushrooms
Add salt to taste
Add brandy to taste
Add sherry to taste
Add a little bit more sherry
Slowly add half-and-half to mix whilst slowly stirring.
Take off heat.
Eat/ Put in containers to freeze.

What we need in an emergency is booze

Reading some blogs on emergency food preparation and storage. I went to a website with a food storage planner. I have a goal of using my basement as place for food storage and I hope one beautiful day to have 4-6 months of supplies. I already have what seems to be a year's supply of TP (thank you Costco). I just bought a 20 lb bag of brown rice, that should last me 4-5 months.
Reading the food storage planner they say, store what you use. So I began listing the items I would store. First item that came to mind. White wine. Second item. Red wine. These were followed (in order) by port and other wines, vodka, water, rice, tomatoes, oil, sweeteners (sugar, fake sugar, maple syrup, and honey), flour, salt, tea, nuts, dried fruit, grains, pasta, beans, onions, and dried mushrooms. Vodka, I must say has other uses besides drinking. It makes a lovey cleaning agent. I have cheap wino vodka, and that stuff is only good for cleaning things with, certainly not drinking. And I do cook with wine and I'm constantly running out of it.
There are no spices on my list because I have some pretty old spices so it is pointless to buy them in bulk. I can never seem to keep garlic. Another challenge is shelf stable food. I'm gonna have to learn canning.

Choices

We all make choices, and those choices have consequences.

I chose to go to college, despite having no money.
I chose to drop the whole business school idea and become a liberal arts student. Okay that was mainly due to the fact I suck at math. But I chose not to struggle with the math.
I chose to go to grad school. Twice.
I chose not to go into the 'exciting' career of records management. I could do it, and it is more money. However, I hate doing RM for any length of time and mentally, it's just not worth it to me.
I chose to stay with the government and make it a priority with my job search. I chose to leave the government with the goal of returning. I came back to Uncle Sam.
I chose to buy a house in a 'transitional' neighborhood.
I chose to buy an old house.
I chose to get a humongous 2nd mortgage.
I chose the bedroom the size of a closet.
I chose to have roommates.
I chose to live without a car.
I chose to live without cable.
I chose to impose my own dress code at work
I chose today to break the code due to cold weather.
I chose to make Christmas gifts
I chose to learn how to make lemoncello
I chose to go to the gym at least once a week.

Gifts that I want that I know I won't get

It is Christmas time according to the semi-secular leaning calendar and thus gift giving time. Once again I'm not spending too much time giving thought to what I might get. My biggest hope is 'not crap that I can't get rid of'. So here is some thought to what I'd like, but know I'm not going to get.
In the G-d shines upon me, miracles do happen department:
Peace in the Middle East
1 trophy husband with job
Return of trophy boyfriend minus my desire to kill him
Agency branch opens up in Florida ( I don't care where, Jacksonville, Miami, it's all good) with position for me (run Jeb run)
Loss of 20 lbs that doesn't involve near fatal illness or loss of limbs

Under eh, it could happen:
A button up sweater with pockets
Same sweater in cashmere
Tickets to Shakespeare Co or Studio Theater
Mike Henry answers his phone and we talk long time
Dinner with someone at Corduroy or 1905 or 1789 or Equinox
iTouch
A warm winter
A lovely roommate who is hardly home who rents for 6 months, seriously can I advertise for a workaholic lesbian with a life elsewhere?
iTunes gift cards
A full day with Biggie Al where he doesn't do that stupid Indian accent.
A complete day spent with friends
Certain people retire
Jelly babies
I lose 7 lbs after a touch of the flu
A date with a guy who knows to open doors

Mass but harder

Second time at Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering (aka Immaculate Conception Roman Catholic Church)'s Latin Mass. I don't think I've cursed so much in my head (not like I'm actually going to let the words escape) as I do with the Latin Mass. The Latin Mass has some things going for it over the Saturday Mass (29 minutes or less or your next mass is free). For one, there are songs I can sing. Saturday, no singing. Sunday there is a sheet but no music, and I need to see the music even though I am semi-musically illiterate. Unfortunately tonight someone decided that one of the hymns should be sung in Latin.
Okay, Latin. I took Latin in college as a mistake. That was the semester I learned you should add classes before dropping them,, during Add/Drop. I got a C. I made up shyte and the instructor didn't care because she couldn't get tenure so what was the point of trying. Once I get comfortable with Latin, I'm sure I will hear it as a beautiful language. But for the time being, I'm thinking Iuesus f* what the f* was that, where are we now? Imagine that while I'm flipping through the missal trying to match up the rhythm of what Father is saying with the English portion of the page to find the Latin side of the page and match up whatever the f he's saying with the funky Latin pronunciation that's screwing me up.
As I wrote, this was my second Latin Mass. I'm sure after a dozen Latin masses Il have it down and will be able to sing the Nicene creed without resorting to mumbling 'whatever.'

For added linguistic fun I've been listening to the French Canadian band Mes Aïeux (guess whose blog I've been reading) but the remix of Dégénérations here and here.
Regular with English Subtitles

So cold.. So So cold

The thermostat says 70, but I'm wearing a scarf and I'm still so cold. I think I need to move around. Playing CIV for 6 hours is probably to blame.

Big Tent of Conservatism

Had a lovely chat with Norma Bombay about various topics, one being the Republican Party. She suggested the party splitting, I disagreed. Yes, you have your Pentacostal bible thumpers on one side and your green shade fiscal conservatives on the other, but the two aren't divorcing anytime soon. Fighting, yes, spliting, no.
For one, whoever leaves gets turned into a meaningless 3rd party. Oh wait, there is a meaningless 3rd party. No need to create one. Sadly, that party's candidates won ziltch in DC, but did gain/keep some posts in Central and South Florida. Maybe I should be more fiscally supportive of the DC Libertarians....
Also it's not like the bible thumpers don't care about fiscally responsible government, lower taxes and the like. They do. As well as others between the thumpers and the green shades.

The Good Life

On the crunchy end of things, from crunchy conservative book to crunchy orthodox Jew blogs, both have got me thinking of the "Good Life", that is eco-friendly, non-materialist, and genuinely rich. And so an image, a flicker of a scene pops in. I did write a short story, but deleted it as it suffered from the thing that all my short stories suffer, loaded details.

The image is Poppa is king of his castle, and Momma is the queen, and there are children squealing in delight in Poppa's arms. Friends drop by to visit and the hostess does her best to make the guests feel welcomed. The food is locally grown, either backyard local, down the street at the community garden local, suburban farm local and a few states over local. There are non-local items, like wine, and items that in their nature store well.
In this image of the good life relationships matter more than things. The long term, deep relationships are cultivated and the institutions or functions that support these relationships, be they friendships, familial ties, neighbors, co-workers, lovers or what -have you, are valued.
Quality is valued over quantity.
Charity to all is encourgaed.
Rreading dead wood pulp is preferred over bits & bytes.
And napping is not just for pre-preschoolers.
Speaking of napping.....

Who is raising your child?

When you have the State help raise your child, don't be surprised when it asks for custody.

One step closer to the happy place

That 2nd floor reading room with the comfy couches? I went into it. The guys at the desk said I could. Now if I'm allowed to bring in my own reading material (food and drinks are verboten), give me 1/2 of a lunch break and I am so in heaven. I sat on the couch, it is comfy. It just needs a foot rest.
Yes, my main wish is to have a loving husband and children. But since I ain't getting that give me a comfy couch in a big room, a good book and a dynamite lunch. Maybe followed with a nap. Yup, that's living.

Another Happy Place

I've been meaning to add this.
Well I have the main happy place being the 2nd floor reading room with wait service.
Now add the bar of the 701 Restaurant during lunch hour reading something good over mussels and Darjeeling. The only thing that I would change abut that moment is I'd give myself a better wardrobe and accessories. Last week I popped in because I was confused about a lunch meeting with Mr. Young Charming and Handsome, aka my ex-roommate. So I didn't have my lunch with me. I didn't feel like standing in line at Teaism and nothing at D'Aqua grabbed my eye. Unfortunately the $15 wine & lunch at 701 has gone missing. I can't have wine at lunch anyway, it makes me sleepy.
I had carted the Thomas Merton Reader with me, and so far the book had been a chore to read. However, halfway though my mussels I hit a chapter that I connected with and truly enjoyed. Also at that moment, the tea, which was in the first teapot that never spilled on me, was at it's most excellent. The splenda had been hanging at the bottom of the cup, mated with the lemon and it was an excellent cuppa.
Yes, my happy places have reading and dining.

Birth control not it

After a gathering I walked out with someone who was annoyed by something and remarked that people needed more birth control. He was on an anti-child tiff. It happens. I get annoyed with other people's children, but I haven't lately wished for their non-creation. I countered, but honestly not looking for a fight, that it is better to grow your citizenry domestically lest you have to import them.
But anyway, even if you gave birth control away for free, introduced it to middle schoolers you'll still have people having kids, and I'm sorry you'll still need to pay taxes for schools. People in general and poor people are going to have kids. It's a part of life. The sex ed may curb the under aged pregnancy, but teens aren't your only broke people having kids. Looking at the CDC's data sheet on pregnancies, and remembering the book "Promises I Can Keep" about low-income unwed mothers, the bulk of births seem to come from ages 18 and up. I'm avoiding the "teenage" label because 18 and 19 year olds are teens, teens who can vote and sign legal contracts. Of the unwed teenage pregnancies, roughly 2/3rds of them are 18 and 19. Of all the unwed pregnancies, the 20-24 years olds have everyone beat. The 25-29 year olds are kind of equal with the under 20s. The smallest unwed group is the under 15 crowd, with 6 thousand births, trailing behind the next lowest group 40-54 year old women at over 21 thousand unwed births. Pregnant 15 years olds bad, pregnant 40somethings.... so what's the story there?
So your problem, if unwed pregnancies are a problem, I'm going to leave that judgment aside for the mo, ya got to get after the 20-24 yr old women. You figure at that age they are perfectly aware of birth control and how babies come into the world. My sister got pregnant in her twenties, I believe she was aware of birth control. It's that regularly taking it everyday part of the birth control that screws that up. And condoms.... ha. There is something that happens in a relationship where the condom is a symbol of something, dirtiness, distrust, prostitution, and the like. In the book Tally's Corner, about street corner men in the DC Shaw neighborhood, men would not wear a condom with a girl/woman they considered 'nice'. There is also another thing that I seem to see between the lines of these studies involving poor women and childbirth, despite being a bad marriage candidate the women seem to want some lasting connection with the guy and being his baby-momma makes that connection permanent.
What exactly can you tell a 20 or 24 year old woman not to get pregnant if she's unmarried? Well, besides arguing moral reasons that sex should be saved for marriage or stuff like that. Staying school? At 20 high school should be in the past and it would only appeal to those in college already, but then what percentage of women 20-24 are in college. Really at 20 if you're not already in college what is your motivation to start now?
In Promises I Can Keep, it was having the kid that provided the motivation to go to school or get a job or better job. I can see that with Sis. Okay she was not completely responsible after the first, or third kid, but she became more responsible with the kids than prior to their being.

Don't Loan Money to My Sister

I'm still opposed to the bailout/rescue whatever because it still wants to keep credit available to people like my sister. I love my sister, but she's broke, and to loan her money will only make her broker.
Giving my sister more credit, so she can have credit debit does not make her rich. My sister has bad credit. Credit so bad I had one of her collectors call my house. I was so pissed at this I called mom.
But I know, even with sis' bad, bad credit, someone wants to loan her money. And when she fails to pay them, they get what they deserve, nothing and a bunch of unanswered phone calls. And we're in this mess because banks and others kept lending money to people like my sister.

On a side note my roommate said that it was a small but local minority against the package and he didn't know anyone against it. I'm against it. But I didn't call my Rep. because I have no vote in Congress. But you know, I think we all hang out in our own little echo chambers, sticking with like minded people, drowning out or silencing opposing views. This is worrisome for information gathering. Who's going to win the election Who knows? People who dislike Obama for non-socially accepted reasons, won't say. They'll say what they think you want to hear and do their own thing.

What me worry?

My Wachovia stock is down to the value of a take out order of sushi from the medicore sushi place. The lossed value is equal to that of eating out at a really good restaurant or Cafe Atlantico's minibar for two, with tip and a bottle of wine. Not the bottle at the reasonable price that allows you save face with the waiter, no the higher priced wine, the $150 bottle. But I'm ok. It's a good price to pay to not be liable as a tax payer for something the government was going to screw up. As for the loss, I'll just write it off my taxes.
I looked at my Roth, it's crap. And then I looked at my TSP, it is fine. It's down, but it has been down for the past 6 months. And I'm not retiring for another 20 years, so no big deal.
I'm thankful for my guvmt job, my fixed mortgages, my paid off credit card, my credit union, and my health.

Thoughts running through the head

Songs
Parodies of songs
Math (simple)
Re imagining what I see
Debating myself
Debating what I'm listening to
Punishing myself with painful thoughts (think fingernail breaking in the wrong spot)
Prayer
Sex
Trying to remember when L&O comes on
Envisioning possible futures
Wondering what any given relative or friend is up to right now
Making up excuses of not to do something
Bargaining with G-d
Complaining to myself
Imagining my happy place (it's a library with wait service and a very good menu/wine list)
Worry
Inventing games
Wondering about statical data
Narrating whatever is going on around me

The above are just a few of the things that go streaming through my head. I was thinking of this when watching Torchwood. One of the characters got a necklace that allowed her to read others thoughts The problem was she keyed in on the most negative and base thoughts of others, which I don't think is representative of what you'd pick up, and also not everyone can be doing a narrative.

Diversity among Women

Sort of like diversity among blacks and diversity of [insert name of ethnic/gender/affinity group here]. Not one size fits all, not all marching to the same beat. Maybe some more marching to a particular beat than others, but not all are the same.
The whole Palin thing has made me more at peace with whatever happens in the Presidential race, but the Palin thing has also revealed something that needs revealing, diversity among women.
For simplicity's sake I'm making up two camps. Women who dislike/hate/ revile Palin vs women who like/ love/are over-joyed with Palin. From one side, which tends to fall on that of the Left. And from what I have read, the find Ms. Palin to be an insulting choice or unqualified, or a hypocrite (bc of her daughter), a zealot, a liar (valid point on the bridge thing), or any mix of the above. Women on the Right love the fact that she's a working mother, pro-life, Christian (well pro-religion), working class, and a woman. I like her, thus the comfort, though I'm still voting for Obama (I have no good reason 'cept for race), is because she is a woman whose conservatism helps me feel better than my own.
Anyway, the diversity of women pundits and commenters and whomever with a keyboard has revealed a wide range of thought regarding Palin. My favorite on the left is the comment that Palin is not a woman or as the Div. Prof said, "Her greatest hypocrisy is in her pretense that she is a woman." And there are several other comments on the left that she is bad for women. But who are women?
Yeah, I know, critters with boobs and a zillion dress sizes that don't match (what is a size 12 these days). But the problem is we women don't all feel the same about the various political issues. There are pro-choice women and pro-life women. There are women who hate guns, and pro-gun women. There are women for Canadian/UK style healthcare and women, like myself, who are a bit suspicious of government run healthcare. So I am taken aback or offended at times when the diversity of women's views and positions are not acknowledged.
One last thing, I [heart] Camille Pagila. Why? Because she wrote:

In terms of redefining the persona for female authority and leadership, Palin has made the biggest step forward in feminism since Madonna channeled the dominatrix persona of high-glam Marlene Dietrich and rammed pro-sex, pro-beauty feminism down the throats of the prissy, victim-mongering, philistine feminist establishment.

She made a Palin, Madonna, Dietrich cocktail, and my it is yummy. But then again Madonna and Dietrich tend to be the vodka and rum of many of her concoctions.

Pray for Christians in Orissa, India

Please pray for the Christians attacked, killed, left homeless, and raped by angry Hindu mobs. Pray for all Indian martyrs.

No matter who gets to be president I win

When McCain announced his running mate of a little unknown woman governor from a state I may never visit, my first though he had lost his cotton pickin mind. But then, letting it sink in I started grooving on the idea. Mainly because if I don't get my black President, I get the consolation prize of a woman 1 heart attack, or Alzheimer's spell (or other health ailment common for a man over 70) away from the presidency. I will join packs of citizens to yell BOO! and surprise McCain to startle him or strongly suggest that he really eat that chili cheese dog fried in lard. Not that I dislike him. No I really like him, but, you know....
I'm still voting for Obama. Because of the Black thing, which is stronger right now than the conservative thing. And that does sadden me, as it reveals that I'm a crappy conservative. But I have a rationalization in that a Black president would hopefully shut up those who share my ethnicity who are stuck in the victimhood mindset. Second, Obama is courting those who proclaim their faith and that's something I'd like to encourage and see more of from the Left. As opposed to the anti-Christian rhetoric that deems anyone who believes as a fool.
So no matter who wins the White House, I'm happy. Thanks Mr. McCain.

Music and the problem of getting older

The problem is you actually wind up listening to, and contemplating the lyrics. The only way I can explain my love of some songs during my youth is I paid more attention to the beat then what the heck anyone was saying. in Culture 11's (conservative version of Slate) article on music and weddings, Lil John's "Get Low" is probably not the best thing to play at the reception with Grammy and the 5 year olds around. Neither would most of 50 cent's stuff. Golddigger is fun to dance to, but poor taste, even bleeped, for a wedding.
When Nora Bombay and I were in the car the other day we noticed the lyrics of some song, I forgot what song exactly, but they were not good. Songs we like can be degrading to women and contain the bleeped N word, which she can't say and I won't.
There are mixes I can't listen to because the crude graphic sexual descriptions are too much. Good beat, great hooks, but really I don't wanna know what you do with some random man or woman you picked up at da club for sporting sex. Not causal sex, recreational almost like a sport like activities.
Maybe that's why I'm fonder of the blues and jazz. Yes, Eartha Kitt, total money grubbing slut in her music, but there is much to leave to the imagination.

My Super Villian

For a few weeks I have been imagining a super villain. The problem is her only super power is the ability to raise large sums of cash.
She is Dr. Emily Vahl (E. Vahl) head of the pro-Eco anti-human non-profit whose goal is to knock the human population down to 1 million people. 1 million because it is under a billion and the shock of that amount of human loss should help with greenhouse gases and other human caused population. Her organization funds and enhances wars, and develop deadly diseases particularly in 3rd & 2nd world countries. In industrialized countries they try to promote activities that would promote terrorism, and sterilizations. The organization's goals are met in two ways, prevent people from being born and knocking off the ones who were born.
Dr. Vahl sees herself as an alien, sent to rid the Earth of the worst of humanity. She believes the world is better off without humans. There is something mysterious about her that leads her to believe that she isn't human, but it would defy logic to believe she is anything but human. Going in a theological direction, she is an agent of Satan whose job it is to exploit the worse of human behavior and use that to destroy humans. The reason why she heads a pro-environmental group is it is her way of denying the evil of her plans and actions. By making the environment an excuse for her actions she feels justified to do what she does.
I haven't thought of a hero perfect enough to fight her. I did imagine a hero of sorts who also works for a non-profit that likes to go to 3rd world countries and save lives. But the problem is that it costs money to chase Dr. Vahl around. Money, better spent on vaccines.

G-d as It.

It. Not he, not she, but it.
I was just thinking of the 3 in 1, the trinity and specifically the Spirit, which sometimes defies description. G-d the Father, he, he who is the great I AM. G-d the son, describes the Father as male. There may be some translations and other great theological interpretations as to the masculinity of the Father, but here, now, the Father is he. The Son, being born of a virgin and raised from infancy to adulthood, I'm going to take a leap and say he was male. However the Spirit, that grace, that love, that gaaaah [waves arms wildly] seems neither male nor female, as the joy we experience when encountering a friend or the relief of forgiveness is neither inherently male nor female.
This neither male nor female it, is neutral. Well, the most un-neutral neutral thing ever as a powerful force that can change lives and make the impossible, possible, that can possibily be. And this Spirit, is one and comes from the Father and the Son, and is part of this great trinity.

The Great Pudding Failure of 2008

The mistake was using 2% milk. I thought I was being clever. I thought I was being smart by not using cream and using a lighter dairy product. Well, I was very, very wrong.
I've made chocolate pudding twice. Both times I got wonderful yummy pudding that went well with the Dutchess of Duke Street series I was watching. I mean how can you watch a character whos life's ambition is to be the best cook in all of England. Say that with a cockney accent. So I imagined myself as an Edwardian working-class English woman making up the best pudding fit for the Prince of Wales. And viola, great pudding.
I tried my hand at vanilla pudding. The recipe was different and said cream was optional. I think that was my mistake. So I wisked and stirred for what seemed like forever. I wisked for about an hour it seemed when I gave up and added more cornstarch. I wisked over medium heat some more. It still did not really thicken. It tasted like pudding but it didn't have the texture of pudding. I finally gave up and threw in a bit of gelatin left over from the mango sorbet I made. Now I have a freak pudding/panna cotta monster in my fridge.

Oh but the Big Ben Looks so lovely from the Thames

Today I had a lunch meeting/appointment with Fr. LEV of Our Lady OPS. It was a good talk. However, afterwards I feel less ready to cross the Tiber. Yes, there's like gang warfare over on the Thames side of things, but really, is it that bad? There's actually a nice peaceful part where you can hardly see the waters churning.
I'll probably try a one on one RCIA, see how that works out. It may work out, it may not. Let's see.

Community

Normally this would go over to the more popular blog but I want to hash it out a bit here.

Growing up in FL there was a community center that was about 3 blocks from the house. Attached to it was a swimming pool where we paid .50- 2.00? for entry and the right to splash around. From as early as I can remember to even now, I have made use in some way of this community center. As a kid the greatest thing about it were the swings, where you could swing real high and jump off. Rubbery seats that were as hot as all get out in the noonday Florida sun and metal chain link served as an object of fun. Inside the center, lame board games, basketball you couldn't play (other kids bigger & better players than you) and an adult who was busy doing something else. As I got older, it was the place I went to vote. Last year, it was the place where the family had the repast for my grandmother (not the mean one, she's still alive).
Now, when people speak of community centers around Shaw, I question if those places would serve me as well as the one in Florida. I doubt it. The focus is on kids. Well I don't have any and I'm not one. I'm sort of doubting that the ones on my block would go to a center as their parents and guardians keep them on a short leash. As in don't leave the block and be where I can see/hear you leash. There might be a few others who may get permission to go, but I wonder realistically how often they'd go, and what else they'd fill their days with?
The Kennedy Rec Center is a nice center and does get to a variey of people in the neighborhood and probably does more in the way of reaching out to community. Not just the kids, though they make up a huge block of who I see. I also see adults of the white mid-class variety on the tennis courts. There are classes offered that reach out to seniors and not-so seniors. There is meeting space, a weight room, in other words, other things for non-youths that would bring not just 1 or 2 segments of the community.

A bunch of superheroes

The man to runs the joint where I work likes to be called "professor" as opposed to "the Archivist" or Dr. Such N. Such. "The Professor" sounds like a comic book character, like Professor Xavier of the X-Men.
So say we had a agency of superheroes within the agency. So up top we have The Professor, who can only appoint powers. Then we have the Librarian who can access any published material in English with just his mind. The the Conservator, who has nifty weapons like the spatula of DEATH, and glues, and tape and mylar. The Conservator can trap bad-guys in mylar so tough that they can escape. The Electronic Archivist who is like the Librarian but can access any thing that is in any computer, despite firewalls, that is linked up somehow, with his mind. The Intern who can copy anything, documents, voices, appearances at will. And lastly, the Records Manager who can walk into any building and and immediately has knowledge of every record, electronic, A/V or textual in said building right down to every single Post-it Note.
Over at the Library of Congress the other Librarian (there would be several in this universe) has a whole team of minor librarians with superpowers as well as the Poet, who has the power of suggestion. The Musicologist, who can do fancy things with notes and can play ever know musical instrument. And the Cataloger who can put anything in oder, not so much a superpower but rather OCD on steroids.
The superheroes go out and fight waste and corruption in he government until their operation is cut down by their arch nemeses, the President of the United States. The Conservator goes rogue and becomes a murderess for hire and the Records Manager becomes a corporate spy. The Cataloger goes insane and is locked away, forever.

BSG and why

I am loving Battlestar Gallactica. I would love it even more if the Sci-fi channel would post the episodes on-line a little sooner. But tis my fault for not having cable.
The ex-nun Barbra Nicolosi, with her blog, got me curious about BSG, and I see some of the depth of the show. There are some deep questions like if should we exist (do we have the right), and how we treat others defining who we are. Really what is the difference between a regular old human and a skin-job? Besides resurrections and goo-baths. And if we find that humans and skin jobs are pretty much the same with very little distinquishing them from the rest of the human race, what does that say about humans who have treated skin-jobs inhumanely?

Duh Vinci Code

I'm all out of BSG, so I'm back to watching regular movies with the odd British TV DVD thrown in. One of the films on the Netflix que was DaVinci Code. I watched it, and well... I'll review two movies.
Let's pretend I don't know a thing about Christianity, never heard of it. With that it had good cinematography, lovely locations, and action. However the heavy dependence on puzzles started to annoy me. Also I'm not a big fan of conspiracy theories. Working at the JFK Prez library led me to believe that there are too many kooks out there with conspiracy theories. Unfortunately, suspense of belief only goes so far with me. What only 1 guard in the Louvre? Offices in the museum part? Of the museums where I've worked the admin stays as far away from the tourists as possible. No security cameras around to catch the killer? Seriously, Law & Order: Paris would have had the murder of the curator wrapped up in 20 minutes.
Second review, as a Christian. Good lord, where do I start? When you bother to remember the Eastern Orthodox Church, the history given is garbage. Then again most of the history is garbage. Second, Mary M. goes to France/Gaul. Why? Why not settle in Rome? Or Egypt? Why the F Gaul? Third, JC, who was he because if not part of the trinity, who cares? Scenario A: JC not son of G-d, but a prophet with mystical powers. Wouldn't that be Islam's take on JC? So it wouldn't matter if he had kids. Mo hammed had wives and kids, so same diff. Scenario B: JC, son of G-d, father of some French peoples. Irresponsible cad. Let us remember he did bother to take time out from suffering and dying (Can't remember where in NT this is):
JC: Hey, you there, apostle.
Apostle: Who me?
JC: Yes, you. Old boy (imagine this all with ox-bridge accents), I'm in a bit of a pickle. I'm going to be leaving, but I will return at some point, but in the meanwhile I'm going to need someone to look after my dear ole mum. Could you swing that for me?
Apostle: Um, sure.
JC: Mummy.
Holy Mother Mary: Yes, dear?
JC: That dear fellow over there is your new son. Apostle chap, this lovely woman is your new mum. Mummy, apostle, apostle, mummy. Now I'm going to get back to suffering for the world's sins while you two get acquainted.
So, if regular JC took care of his mother, why not his "wife". And if anyone's womb is all that and a bag of chips, it would be that of the holy mother.

It was time

I will miss my roommate.
But it was time for him to move on. The Love Shack weekends chased me out of the house, but besides that it was great. I will miss having a 1/2 dressed handsome young man running around the house. Men are interesting creatures.
He and his girlfriend cleaned his stuff out this weekend. And as I thought, it took him more than a day to clear it out. We're still doing final clean up and damage. The damage is minimal, and he's taking care of it.
Tonight, on one pass by to clear out the little stuff, he brought me a dozen yellow roses. I'm a sucker for cut flowers. He is a really sweet boy and I will genuinely miss him and wish him the best.

That fish recipe

There was a dish I made but sadly failed to print it out, save it, bookmark it, and now it is in my crap-shoot memory. Based on past failure and last night's success, this is what I think it is:

Salmon or Steelhead trout & Honey

Salmon/Trout skin on
Orange juice and/or pink grapefruit juice
Honey
Ginger

Mix lots of honey, grated ginger, and the juice together and marinade the fish for about 1/2 hour. Then take fish cook on stove in pan. Butter was used, but I'm kinda doubtful it was needed as I just wound up pouring the marinade in the pan and it cooked in that. Cook skin side first then later flip over. Don't over cook, leave slightly uncooked. Remove fish and reduce liquid by 1/3. Pour reduction on to fish.

For the kids

Sleepy angry 2 year old
Originally uploaded by In Shaw

On another blog I posted about another subject relating to government programs to, I guess, help poor people. While writing that up I got to thinking about a Acton.org podcast (back when they had those available) lecture about effective compassion, where the lecturer asked if your brother (or other immediate relative) was in need, what would you want to help him? So looking at the pictures of my nieces and nephew, I thought, well I sure as heck don't want them in any sort of sorry city run 'job program'.
I want the mean 2 year old (pictured), the exceptionally smart 8 year old and the bourgie blacexican 5 year old to have careers. I'm not too worried about my nephew, he's been legally adopted by my aunt & uncle who have successfully raised two college educated children, one of them a boy. It is pretty much a given that he will attend college, hopefully, he will not get a B.A. in English.
I have been informed of my purpose on this planet by one of my aunts. And that purpose is to put the 8 year old through college. If she goes to UF, then that is totally possible to cover tuition, with enough time I may be able to spring for housing and a meal plan. If I have enough left over, then the angry 2 year old. But right now, I'm thinking community college for her, provided she doesn't knock over a liquor store before then.
So no, no 2-3 month job training for these kids. No, I want them to get a crappy minimum wage job at 16, go to college and do work study, then graduate and get a crappy entry level salaried position. So crappy, they begin to think..... grad school, and really, they are on their own for that.

Virtue and goodness

Cross-posted from another blog:

I think it was Law & Order:Criminal Intent where the Dentist was found dead and the kids rifled through his stuff. They saw the deaceased or dying DDS, went through his stuff and left. In the interrogation the mother of one of the boys claimed that "they were good boys". Then the detective pointed out if they were good boys they would have called 9-1-1 instead of doing what they did.

To me this pointed out our definition of 'good' is completely messed up. I understand the mother's definition of good, as in lack of doing incredibly evil things and the detective's definition as proactive goodness. This made me think of something I read from the Eastern Orthodox tradition in trying to make a point distinguishing themselves from the Roman Catholics, about it's not the avoidance of evil but the pursuit of virtue that we should concern ourselves with.
The minor characters (the boys) should have chosen the more virtuous path, trying to help the dentist, or calling the cops, or reporting it to an adult.

We blame the citizenry of a country or state or city for tragedies and injustices when that citizenry stands back and does nothing. Even if they did not elect the monsters in power, or even if they did not participate actively or passively in the wrong doing, they are blamed. Because they did not pursue the virtuous path.

So what if our judgement stands on what we have done, and not what we haven't done? Like some standard college test where the right (virtuous) answer gives you points, the wrong answer subtracts points, and no answer neither adds or takes away.

I still don't want your d*mned pity

I think, and I'm not 100% sure, that I was the subject of someone's pity. I hope I am wrong. Though the more I think of it the madder I get. Luckily, if my theory is correct, it has blown back into the pitier's face. And that gives my little sadistic self, joy.
The reason for the anger, is the problem with pity (as opposed to compassion), in that you just see the problem and not the person. Yes, I'm imperfect in many ways, some that I readily acknowledge, but many of those imperfections are not really worth pity. I just find it insulting that I'm defined by my problems and imperfections. Another problem is I believe I'm everyone's equal. Well, in general. Yes, there are people better than me when it comes to math, science, theology, etc, however when it comes to my worth as a person, I believe I'm your equal, and by the same token you are mine. Pity, to me seems to mess with that notion of equality.
But I'm not innocent. I have pitied. I pity because it is cheaper and faster than compassion.

I don't want your pity

I've been thinking about the difference between pity and compassion lately. I first heard of the difference with the Acton Institute lecture. Then something else got me thinking about the diff recently. Sleepy now so more later.

The need for humility

I received some praise recently and I felt myself wince at it.
I like praise, but more accurately, I like feedback. Constructive criticism and pointing out what was done right. I get a thrill when something I've done has done someone else good and that someone tells me about it. I like to know when I've best served my fellow man. I find it helpful when someone points out something I've done, that could be done better without wandering away from my main goal. However inflated praise, I'm not too keen on, it screws up with my attempts to be humble at times. So I wince.
Please do not mistake humility for low self esteem. I'm a child of G-d, nuff said.
The reason for this posting is a slight annoyance with persons who in their roles as experts and people in positions of leadership/other who do not approach/serve others with humility.

For me, and maybe others, dreams are not like movies. I'm not simply observing a random mess of events. No. In these dreams I already have back story, there are symbols that I , as a participant can interpret, and I feel. There can be feelings of love, loss, burning hate, deathly fear, and crankiness. If strong enough the feelings can linger into the waking moments or be the reason for the waking.
So last night I had a dream of betrayal and humiliation. Oh, that sounds so soap opry. Well it featured a Bollywood actor, and goodness knows Bollywood is not the bastion of deep cin-nee-ma. There was a Bollywood movie I saw once where apparently all the white people in England died out as the buildings were pretty much British as was the school style, and three men, waaaay older than their characters played young men at a school. One actor, playing the cool leather jacket wearing guy, wore some serious cake make-up. Anyway, a similar character in the dream, with the make-up. Really, the make up was its own character. In the Bollywood movie I remember the actor from, he has one of the more steamier and more modern dance numbers. Whereas there is traditional dance (all edited together representing what I don't know) for another female character who is part of another couple. See lotta back story, which makes explaining dreams not worth it.
I can sum up the dream better, than explaining it. Don't trust actors. Or maybe dancers? Dance played a part in dealing with the betrayal, that and backleading. I let the Bollywood guy lead and in dancing the lead is supposed to look out and take care of the follow so she, will follow. The lead in this case did something that violated my trust as a follow, and upon realizing my trust was misplaced I took the only control I could and back-lead to save as much face as I could.
What lingered in the waking hours was white hot pain of a feeling of a trust violated. I haven't felt that lately in real life, thank goodness. But it was so strong that I'm fired up to prevent ever being in that position. And maybe I need to rent that stupid film again.