Marriage savings/discount is not automatic

I was talking taxes with a friend, it is April after all, and I mentioned that according to TurboTax the Help and I are paying less than 11% (something like 10.54%) of our gross income to federal taxes. Friend was impressed (yea me, sidenote, another friend says she's paying nearly 0%, which is impossible or illegal), and wondered if it was because the Help and I were married. Unsaid, up to this point in the conversation was friend wondering if it would be worth it for him and longtime gay partner to marry. Unsaid by me in the whole thing was, no, and I went to prove it.

Before the Help and I married, our pre-marriage tax rate was about 12pointsomething%, after ten-point-something. On the surface you'd think, ah ha, we got a marriage tax savings. Ah, no. I noticed two things. One, our combined gross income was less post-marriage than pre-marriage, even though we both got raises in that time. I lost income renting out my extra room, which is now our room. Retirement and other pre-tax funky paycheck stuff also did it. Prior to marriage, we weren't putting much, if anything into retirement. By being one in marriage we are trying to be purposeful about our future and our finances are combined. My gay couple friends, have been together for a couple of decades and their finances are separated, and I don't see their accounts coming together any time soon. Sometimes I'm shocked how separate they live their lives at times.

The second thing that helped lower our tax rate were deductions. We pay more in local taxes (income & property) which is about half of our deductions. The other half, charitable giving. I give to my alma maters, we give to our churches, and one church I don't attend anymore. We give to local charities. I give to random charities. I was giving to charities before getting married, the Help did the 1040EZ and really didn't give much thought to giving. The Help's alma mater, UC-3rd Circle of Hell, will probably never ever get anything from him, and since I never went there, we won't be giving. We give to the school we both attended, only because I was giving to the school anyways. They just tacked his name on is the only difference. I know our friends volunteer for the arts, but I don't know if they regularly give to any one charity. They don't attend any weekly religious (there are many, many gay churches and gay friendly spiritual houses in DC) functions and so as I know don't regularly financially support any non-profit. Knowing one half of the couple he'd probably be very unwilling to give away significant amounts of his income.

So yes, in marriage we saved money. Not because some state granted us a marriage license, that helped, but because we began living as married people, being one with each other. I heard a financial guru say that the difference between being married and shacking up is 'the conversation is different.' We have had conversations about our future, with the assumption that in 20, maybe even 30 years (we're old, we married old, one of us will be dead before making it 40 years) we will still be one. I know the conversation is different in the way I've seen others lives, between the married and the shacked up.

Note: I forgot to mention the mortgage interest deduction, which is less now than what it was when we got married. That helps too, but less so as we throw more at our mortgage. But then again, we're going to get a 2nd mortgage for the construction planned this year.

Tough Love

I really wish people would get their "stuff" together.
There is a woman. A character, who shows up near my block who begs for money. If there is one good thing I could say about Cindy the Crackho (later crack dealer), she worked for it. On various occasions I have pointed the beggar to one of several organizations (Bread for the City being one) where she could get a meal, and maybe get in touch with their holistic services, so she can get her stuff together. However, after several interactions with this woman, from making her a sandwich to buying her some groceries, I don't think she's interested in getting her stuff together. That pisses me off. I'm going to have to stop caring about this person because her constant excuses for not lifting herself up (or reaching out to some professionals who can assist) is pissing me off.
I guess I can be more sympathetic to one dimensional characters and strangers.
My sister, more so when she was younger,  was a person who didn't have their stuff together. I love my sister. It was a good thing that we were several states away because there was stuff she'd do that would make me so angry, that if we lived in the same town, I'd have a criminal record. If I didn't love her, I wouldn't have cared.
Love is not just rainbows and soft cotton candy. It can be painful, painful to see the people you love not doing their best, being less than what they are or can be, wasting themselves. It is really hard with family members who you love, especially if one or more is on a downward or circular spiral and would really like it if you didn't mess with their trajectory.
Jesus calls us to love our neighbors and our enemies. I struggle with that. Besides the obvious, there is the problem (with those falling under "neighbor") of having to have your heart broken in that love. Or to be torn.

"I'm not dead yet"

Yesterday we found out that the Help's dad, my FIL, has been given 2-6 months to live. My step-mother in law is a worrier and so we're trying to determine if this is her worrying or he's actually going to die this year.
So the Help called his dad and though he didn't say he was feeling well he did want everyone to take a wait and see and not get into a tizzy. When we saw him last he wasn't doing too well and that is helping with accepting what might happen.
Or not. I'm agreeing with my FIL, and waiting and seeing.

Why I need to clean the bathroom

Feminism is useless against the dust bunnies under my clawfoot tub.
Despite having two graduate degrees, a good job that uses those degrees and not being tied to a man, I have to lower myself to my knees to engage in the drudgery of cleaning the damned bathroom.... because no one else will.
I could pay a woman, and it is usually a woman, maybe two from the maid service, to do all the cleaning. However, maid service is about $80-$125 a week. According to friends, almost always couples, maids like to come once a week, if forced to be bi-monthly, they will charge you more. Also according to friends, they don't always clean everything. So if I want it done right and done cheap/free, I have to clean it.
Somewhere a mother is wrongly discouraging her daughter any of the home arts. This is a mistake. She should be teaching her children, regardless of gender, how to clean the oven, and correctly sorting the laundry. Because regardless how educated you become, your place needs cleaning and your food needs cooking, and the school doesn't issue domestic staff with those degrees.
When I was younger I didn't give much thought to the housecleaning. I had roommates, we shared the duties and did half assed jobs at cleaning whatever room we were assigned to. As I get older, and as most of my friends have either gotten a maid, assigned one spouse/partner to housekeeping, or decided that cleaning is overrated/ unnecessary/ pointless, I care about the dust bunnies. I see the dust bunnies messing up my nice floors and the renovation work.
Damned bunnies.

Fat Tuesday & Lent

Tonight I had a $50 meal as a celebration of Fat Tuesday. It was Bambi with a chestnut mashed potato thing and perfect green beans, and a good glass of red. For tomorrow I give up meat. And I will take on reading. A book that is. I will sit down with a book, and I will read it. This means I will be cutting back on the computer usage. And that is what I'm doing for Lent.

This Weekend

Friday I, well the whole block and several parts of the neighborhood lost power for about 24 hours. I was able to sneak in a quick shower in the morning, but as night descended I deserted the house and found shelter at DC Education Blog's family home. I stayed there for the night and the family showed me a hospitality that makes me very thankful to have them (even the nutty little chicklettes) in my life. After some good waffles and laughable antics by 3 year olds, I came back home.
While reading the Watchmen, I had the radio on and heard a wonderful acapella song, a lovely gospel song, "G-d is Good." (Youtube). As soon as the DJ announced the artist behind it I went to iTunes and bought it. I played it over and over and went I went to bed parts of the song kept bouncing around in my head. One of the reasons why it is a good song is that is like a hymn that calls for others to sing along, regardless of vocal talent. Another reason is that it builds. First she sings that 'he brought me out of darkness', then 'he saved my soul and brought me out of darkness', building on with other elements til at the end she sings:

I said that he healed my every sickness, with no money in my pocket, he still made a way out of no way, then he put food--- on my table, then he put shoes--- on my feet, so he could guide my every foot step, Jesus saved--- my soul, and then he brought me out of darkness.
G-d Is Good----.

Ash Wednesday is coming up. I think, depending on the hour, I'll be doing Christ Church as I'm not sure if my place is with Immaculate Conception as of yet. I admitted to Sam the caretaker at CC I was moving to another church when he noted that he doesn't see me around as much at CC. He asked pretty pointed questions, asking if the new church was Episcopalian. He probably was wondering if I was attending his church, which is 1 block from the house. No, I gave him my cop out reason, the same one I gave B & IT (yes, what do the atheistic/agnostic Jews care, but I keep them aware of my life)... 15 minutes after waking up I can be in a pew at IC. IT didn't think convenience was a valid excuse.

Nobody call me

It appears that AT&T has dropped my voicemail. It says I don't have a mailbox. Though it is supposed to be part of my plans package. I wonder if it has anything to do with the back and forth I've been doing with the SIM card between the iphone and the regular phone.

Choices

We all make choices, and those choices have consequences.

I chose to go to college, despite having no money.
I chose to drop the whole business school idea and become a liberal arts student. Okay that was mainly due to the fact I suck at math. But I chose not to struggle with the math.
I chose to go to grad school. Twice.
I chose not to go into the 'exciting' career of records management. I could do it, and it is more money. However, I hate doing RM for any length of time and mentally, it's just not worth it to me.
I chose to stay with the government and make it a priority with my job search. I chose to leave the government with the goal of returning. I came back to Uncle Sam.
I chose to buy a house in a 'transitional' neighborhood.
I chose to buy an old house.
I chose to get a humongous 2nd mortgage.
I chose the bedroom the size of a closet.
I chose to have roommates.
I chose to live without a car.
I chose to live without cable.
I chose to impose my own dress code at work
I chose today to break the code due to cold weather.
I chose to make Christmas gifts
I chose to learn how to make lemoncello
I chose to go to the gym at least once a week.

One step closer to the happy place

That 2nd floor reading room with the comfy couches? I went into it. The guys at the desk said I could. Now if I'm allowed to bring in my own reading material (food and drinks are verboten), give me 1/2 of a lunch break and I am so in heaven. I sat on the couch, it is comfy. It just needs a foot rest.
Yes, my main wish is to have a loving husband and children. But since I ain't getting that give me a comfy couch in a big room, a good book and a dynamite lunch. Maybe followed with a nap. Yup, that's living.

Crap like this makes you paranoid

There is a person. I'm going to leave off the discriptions but anyway, this person I swear has it in for me as this person has been passive-agressive hostile to me. I am passive-aggressive so it takes one to know one.
I have been informed by said person to clean a common area. The area isn't that dirty in my eyes, and the person who makes the most, if nominal, mess, I doubt will be asked to do the same. And this is not the only thing this person has done to me, so it is not an isolated incident.
I agreed to help clean it but I didn't say how often and right now I'm thinking of boycotting it. I can't today because I haven't prepared to be self-sufficent. But starting Monday, I'm going to become an island.

Modesty and bicycling

I cycle in a skirt. One day after church Fr. K. makes a comment about me riding in a skirt (and heels, I add) and he'd like a picture of that. Well that was the 2nd or 3rd comment I got at church about riding in a dress that day. What, you people are just noticing it now?
I have been biking to church regularly, not every Sunday, but regularly and I do have to give some thought to riding in a skirt, as I do when I bike to work, which also involves riding in a skirt or dress.
For one, I wear a long skirt. Standing the dresses or skirts I wear come down to the tops of my ankles or mid-calf. This gives me some decent coverage when I'm moving along. I'm not just sitting, I also balance on the pedals when needed. When going around a corner I may throw a leg out to remain balanced. So added to the long skirt, a skirt that let's me do what I need to do. So either the thing is flared or has a spit. I've tried doing this in long pencil skirts, not happening. My thighs are constrained together and so all movement occurs at the knees, which is no fun. And then add to that the skirt must be of a weight that it stays down and doesn't fly up. Wind, sometimes is not your friend.
Speaking of the wind, it is my enemy when trying to bike and not give anyone a 'show'. A certain move plus a gust of wind and, yeah....
The second thing is biking style. Sometimes I have to bike with the knees together. I'd prefer not to, but the skirt might not be co-operating. And the knee together with bending can shift the skirt back down to where it needs to be, when it has ridden up. When the bottom of the hem hits the bottom part of the knee, the skirt has gone too far up.
Lastly, you cannot do this with a male bike. That bar gets in the way. The bar does not allow a gal to dismount with grace. I love when I come in for a landing and I kick my leg over to one side of the female bike and balance both feet on one pedal.