Don't make me turn around

Okay I was sitting in a spot where I heard two gentlemen yakking away during service. Now it would have been okay if they were doing a better job at whispering, but no they weren't. I really debated about turning around and giving a nasty look. If you need to ask, the men were above the age of 30 and below 80, so they should have known better than providing a play by play of what's going on.
Oh, I also need to mention that there are a few mucky-mucks who attend the Church of the Really, Really, Blond People, so that was the subject of the conversation, where Gentleman A was pointing out who was who to Gentleman B.

Albums loved and lost

Funny thing about iTunes is that I find myself occasionally stumbling across an artist or an album I once but no longer have. I remember when I sold off a bunch of tapes so I could convert to CDs, I think I had a bunch of Billie Holiday's, a Muppet Movie soundtrack, some college band I've completely forgotten the name of and Prince. I gave some away, sold some, lost others. Then in the world of iTunes, I find them again. Then I question my releasing the album I once had into the world, and question whether if I should buy the darned thing again.

Good luck with that & Merry Christmas

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

At our church we have an advent tree where there are little paper angels with the names of kids 'for whom Christmas is not a given'. So individuals at the church grab an angel and get and wrap gifts the children have requested. I bypassed the simple requests for hats and gloves and picked a teenager who wanted a stereo or a boombox. I've learned my lesson. Next year, hats & gloves. I did by a $50 boombox and I hope the young man likes it.
Fr. K made a mention of some extra, late angels that appeared on the tree a few weeks ago and one angel had a request for a Playstation. Fr. K didn't know what a Playstation , but to him it sounded expensive. So to the kid who asked for a Playstation..... good luck with that & Merry Christmas.

Rant- Craigslist

I like Craigslist. However, posting on Craigslist opens me up to being annoyed with humanity. Mainly because of the flake factor.
Say I want to sell a $20 piece of furniture. Now, this is only for $20, so there is a certain level of headache I'm willing to be bothered with. No, you can't just come to the house and look at it. Either you want it or not based on the description and if the description or a question asked in one email about some feature I didn't think relevant. I post pictures, that's part of the info package. However I'm not a store and I hate the idea of rushing back from work and sitting around the house for you to show, or not show. I could have been doing something else.
I have a few things in the basement that need a new home, and I'm loathing the Craigslist drama. Pray for me.

Decsion 2008

My roomie and I were talking and somehow the Presidential candidates came up. I mentioned that of the Republicans I support Ron Paul and of the Democrats, Obama. I think I got sneered at. And Yalie boy said for me it was all about the taxes.
Now, I know Ron Paul has a snowball's chance in Hell. If everyone else dies in a bunch of fiery plane crashes and he becomes the GOP nominee there is no way he'd actually win the Presidency. So I support him ideologically. Any man you can bring gun-nuts and stoners together has my vote. I've sent about $50 to his campaign already.
I support Obama because we need him as president, for about 4 years. There is some policy stuff of his I dislike, but luckily, it is stuff that the Congress can stop, hinder, or screw up. America needs an African-American president. America needs a bi-racial President. Also he's intelligent, charismatic, and cares about America. Also I dislike Mrs. Clinton.

Spread the misery

Mom isn't answering her phone when she can't see the caller ID. It seems I got off easy with the 2 phone calls from grandma. Grandma, it seems called mom at 4:30AM complaining that she's hungry. After the call, mom couldn't get to sleep and her ability to get a decent night's sleep has been ruined for the whole week. So, I hate to think what the Uncles have had to deal with.
Mom's miffed. And she's probably miffed at me for complaining the grandma killed poor Mr. Percy (I blame her for the poor man's death) while I was walking down the street. Yes, well, feh.

Continue to smoother or see if it wilts on the vine

Okay, I give up.
I admit I came on strong and got a little overboard. And was told to back off a bit. And I did, and came back toned down a bit, and even that was too much apparently. So I throw up my hands and declare until there is some sort of clarity on the other person's part because I'm no f*ing mind reader, I'm just letting it go.
Mixed signals are a pain. I don't want to play the game where you are encouraged to do X, then get a note frustrated that you did X. There could be other pressures, but since I'm not privy to those other things, and under the current circumstances probably won't be privy to them, I can't be bothered until those other things can be worked out. I would love to be bothered, and would take on the burden as suited to my position. However this level of frustration is above what I can deal with right now.

Angry, bitter and Senile

The mean grandma was in the hospital during Thanksgiving week. Mom came up from Florida, which meant I came down from DC. Mom helped Uncle G and Aunt P decide on a nursing home for grandma. Mom broke the news to grandma about going into a facility but grandma kept forgetting or was swimming deep in the waters of denial (it's hard to tell) that. So she had to be told over and over. Still didn't register.
She's in the home now and man is she pissed.
Seriously.
She called me twice Saturday. She hardly ever calls me. At first I thought it was wrong number, but nope that confused old woman is my granny. Well she complained, as it is her nature, and she decided to find the buttons that annoy me. Annoy, because I'm quite willing to argue back at her. But I do get annoyed when I have to explain two or more times in the same phone call of why I only see my sister and father and mother once a year (I live in DC, they Florida, kinda hard to pop in, particularly when someone refuses to pick you up from the obvious airport). This is a problem with grandma, never been practical, we believe she may have been learning challenged.
Anyway the second phone call was basically a re-run of the first. Let me share. Obviously, she's not happy about being placed in a home, so that was complaint number one. Complaint number two, was her children (mom and my aunt and uncle) weren't settled and failed to consult with her about the nursing home matter. Oh, they'd settle on the home lady, and you're in it. Also they did tell you, you failed to listen, besides, they knew you wouldn't agree to it. Third, she complained about the nursing home staff. It seems the staff would ask her if she needed a bath, she'd say 'no' and she hasn't had a bath since she's been there, because she keeps refusing the baths offered. She's 'washed up', but I don't think that will do the job. At this point she waxes pleasantly about the aide that would come to her apartment and help her. She gave the aide a hard time and she was bitching about the apartment ever since the day she moved in over 20 years ago. Lastly, she makes snide comments about her roommate, as she is in a semi-private room.
I feel so sorry for the woman who has to share a space with grandma. She'll normally talk smack about you, to your face, and that's okay because it's between family. Not acceptable when done to strangers. I want to send flowers to the poor woman because living with grandma, particularly a pissed off one, isn't easy. However, grandma is a very jealous woman, if I send the other woman flowers, it might set off an even nastier attack.
So that's the story with grandma. About what to do for her roommate, I've been told to pray.

Divorce

My parents are divorced, and have been so for nearly 9 years and I'm still annoyed by it. They divorced when I was an adult, out of college, out of grad school and out of grad school again, so there is no childhood trauma, just adult pain. This come up everyodd instance, sometimes when I'm talking with another person whose parents are also divorced. Of course I'm lucky in one instance, my family never made a big deal of holidays, like today, so there is no need to split time between people. I'm skipping out on Turkey Day completely because 1/2 the DC metro family has gone down to NC bc mean grandma is in the hospital. This leaves just me and Auntie J, and Auntie J didn't want to be bothered either. I do feel badly for people who have to split their annual leave between their mom and her husband's family and their dad and his new family.
When my parents were together I talked to my dad more. Our conversations were less than 20 seconds. He would answer the phone say something silly, and then acknowledge that I was calling for mom, and then get her on the phone. This would be weekly or every other week. Now, post-divorce, I call mom weekly and check in and for dad, I have to come up with enough talking material to justify the phone call so I call him 2x a year. Seriously. He and my sister are not phone people. This is a concept that people, particularly those who can happily hold a one sided conversation, don't get. My sister has the added problem of not paying her phone bill that makes it a challenge. I see my sister and my dad when I'm down in Florida and let's say the non-verbal cues get used up.
The silver lining of my parents' divorce? Mom's health improved and Dad found Jesus.

HIV

I was listening to a NPR podcast that just made me wince.
I think it was a Religion and Ethics piece, not sure. But the story was about an evangelical Christian woman living with HIV, who describes how she got HIV when dating another Christian. She didn't say it outright and that was thing that annoyed me. What made me wince was she described how the Lord brought love into her life (guy who gave her HIV). Okay, I'm not going to get into the sex outside of marriage thing, that's my judgementalism. My annoyance, is with her was not clearly stating that unprotected sex risks your health. She didn't own up to it.
I was hanging out once with a gay man whose profession is AIDS education. His preferred group to educate was other gay men, because he really didn't get straight people and our sex issues. Unfortunately, professionally, all the good AIDS work is in Africa, educating straight people. The other problem is you have to live in Africa, which wasn't something he wanted to be bothered with either. I asked about the issues of straight sex and what to do about when a couple wants children. That was one of those straight people things.
Back to the Christian woman with HIV. I feel badly for her as she is going to have to deal with the cocktail of drugs to keep her alive and relatively healthy. However I think she does a disservice in her education mission if she doesn't talk about prevention as she educates and supports women with HIV. I also was annoyed by some bits evangelical wishy theology, that I've heard before from other evangelical non-denomination members. Of course, I'm getting more annoyed with some protestant groups daily.

Thoughts on a platonic love

My love for Jonathan knows almost no bounds,
Nor does it knows where it's going,
Quite directionless and aimless.
Demented octogenarians have a greater clue than my love.
Actually, besides being 'love',
I don't think it has any redeeming qualities.

Come to think.
It's very lazy.
One moment filled with limitless joy & energy.
Next, slight indifference.
It depends too much on proximity.
As I said few, if any redeeming qualities.

But when it is overflowing
There is warmth,
Camaraderie,
Connection,
& an indescribable joy that cannot be boxed in by mere words.

Rabbis Rawk!

Today's Adult Education, well worth the price of Admission, featured Rabbi Barry Freundel. He totally rocked the house. I don't remember the applause lasting so long, even for Fr. Connor, who ya know has his own unofficial fan club. His topic, Rabbinic Interpretations, or explaining the 5 books of Moses to Episky-people.
If St. P's is the church of the gay lawyer, CC is the church of the odd over 60 lawyer, and the group just lapped up the rabbinic law bits and how you get from a law on agricultural harvesting to determining if a child produced by a Gentile donor egg in a Jewish mother is Jewish or not.
Theologically the day went downhill from there. But from such heights it is so easy to fall.

Jesus, Social Butterfly

I'm semi-reflecting on the Gospels and readings of late and coming to think that Jesus, Our Lord & Saviour was a social butterfly. He's at the Wedding at Cana, and bringing the good wine:
John 2:10 ..."Everyone serves the good wine first, and then the inferior wine after the guests have become drunk. But you have kept the good wine until now."
He's at gatherings with Pharisees, tax collectors, everywhere where people come together to eat. And he encourages us to mix it up, bring in people outside our usual circle. It is as if the Word made Flesh discovered on a certain level (a level that could not be appreciated as a plain old deity in Heaven) that parties were the coolest thing ever and decided that everyone should experience this, ok party at my father's house.
G-d, it seems to really like, no make that love, people, despite all that Old Testament smiting and smoting. He as G-d the Son, was in the middle of humanity, mingling with humanity, and breaking bread (or several thousand loaves) with them.

This is America

Morning in America
Originally uploaded by cjdavis

The terrorists have won.
3 oz of liquid, and no more.
You gotta take off your shoes.
Security lines.
No nail clippers or knitting needles.
And now....
nuns getting frisked by TSA agents.
I hate plane travel.
Give me a train anytime.
Just jump on and go.
Take a whole frigging water jug and a Bowie knife.
Smoke to your hearts content on the club car.
Or sit quitely in the quiet car.

Harry Potter and Mutants

Really, I'm reading several of the Harry Potter books in he last few weeks and I am aware of the opposition from fellow Christians but the powers of the Hogwarts kids are no different than Xavier's mutant kids. They do not call upon Satan, do their powers are not demonic. Like Mutants they are born with abilities that must be honed and trained, less they do something stupid. And like Mutants they have to remain separate from the general populace that does not understand them and fears them.

A bit more comfortable with some ideas

My movement towards Catholicism seems to be based a bit more on some theological concepts, than being annoyed with the Episcopal Church. The idea is to run to something and not away from something else.
I can say that today, Monday, Labor Day, I'm now comfortable with the Assumption of Mary. Let's just say last year I wasn't convinced. I was open to being convinced, but I wasn't buying it. Now, this bit is in the okay pile. Now I gotta tackle the known 'eh' pile and deal with the unknown to protestant me pile.

Midday fantasies

There is a room in the building where I work that sends my heart a flutter. Unfortunately, I can not get in it. Maybe that's why I desire it, because it is unavailable. It is a reading room that is almost always locked. The door has a little window that allows me to peak in and wax on what could be a moment of unbridled reading ah.
There is a soft red couch and two comfy looking stuffed chairs in a room lined with floor to ceiling bookshelves that are at least 15 feet high. Long tall windows bring in natural light and cork floor tiles give it a warmth. My fantasies of this room involve me, a good book, and falling asleep reading that good book in one of the chairs that just whisper 'sit on me'.
Since I'm in the land of fantasy, I'll throw in a butler. The room just screams Jeeves! So, I, good book, comfy chair, and a man in smart attire with a tray of a full tea service waiting on me.
Then I realize that I've been peaking in a room where I have no authorization and at any moment another staffer is going to walk by and might actually say something, so the fantasy ends.
At home I'm trying to get close to the fantasy. The coffers are a little empty so the bookshelves are from IKEA, as is the couch, and I'm going to loose the chauffeur to marriage and he never did butler work. Can't afford a butler no how.

I am the Queen of difficult diners

A review is in. And the main diner who concerned me, did not get sick. Yay! Actually she sent me a very nice email thanking me for dinner and remarking that she could not remember the last time she was eating the same thing everyone else ate.
Once I found a recipe (thank you o great internets) for the main course that was limited to the limited list of approved foods, I was good. The dessert was the result of an experiment I did a week earlier, looking to see what happens when you do certain things to fruit. I'm sad gelatin was off the list there are things I could have done with fruit juices and fruit. No matter. She liked it and since Roland commented here recently, I'll take it that the food didn't kill him either.

Heps, who did steps, aren't stepping anymore they're doing choreography

Choreography.
That's the word that stays in my head when a long while ago Roland got a bunch of folks from the CotRRBP and the CotGL (both Episcopal) to attend... you know I don't have an alternative name for Holy Cross (Orthodox). Anyway, Ronald briefly explained the choreography so that we wouldn't get hit by a hot thurible.
There is a fair amount of optional choreography in worship. Of course, this does not trump music that is in common with the various traditions I run into as I dance along the theological fence. But I do wonder why does one bend the knee at this point of the Nicene Creed and why genuflect at various points, or bow at others? I'm really wondering now that I've just noticed, yes, just noticed that there are no crucifixes (savior on a stick) in the procession nor anywhere to be seen. Where the &%$!@ is my Lord dying for my salvation! What I thought was the crucifix was actually a really ornate cross. I thought I was bowing before the reminder of the sacrifice and symbol of G-d's love. Beh.

I'm not going to church today

Woke up feeling not so great with the tummy, but now I've eaten and feel a tad bit better, but still not feeling like getting dressed & biking to G'town. Besides I did drag myself to Mass at Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering yesterday. If I just got the converting to Catholicism over with, my weekends would be so much more simpler.
Also this week I'm going to an Orthodox Church with Dr. So N Soh (Roland), so just not feeling the deep need to go to the Church of the Really, Really Blond People today. And today would be the screamy baby service. Nope. Not going. Yes, there is the 5pm service but I'm guessing my natural laziness will kick in and keep me home.

Crap like this makes you paranoid

There is a person. I'm going to leave off the discriptions but anyway, this person I swear has it in for me as this person has been passive-agressive hostile to me. I am passive-aggressive so it takes one to know one.
I have been informed by said person to clean a common area. The area isn't that dirty in my eyes, and the person who makes the most, if nominal, mess, I doubt will be asked to do the same. And this is not the only thing this person has done to me, so it is not an isolated incident.
I agreed to help clean it but I didn't say how often and right now I'm thinking of boycotting it. I can't today because I haven't prepared to be self-sufficent. But starting Monday, I'm going to become an island.

Patsy

Someone please tell me why I've been singing Patsy Cline tunes all week. It started Saturday with "Leaving on Your Mind", now I'm stuck with bits of "She's Got You". Strangely, 'Crazy' or 'Walking After Midnight' the favs never cycled through.

Modesty and bicycling

I cycle in a skirt. One day after church Fr. K. makes a comment about me riding in a skirt (and heels, I add) and he'd like a picture of that. Well that was the 2nd or 3rd comment I got at church about riding in a dress that day. What, you people are just noticing it now?
I have been biking to church regularly, not every Sunday, but regularly and I do have to give some thought to riding in a skirt, as I do when I bike to work, which also involves riding in a skirt or dress.
For one, I wear a long skirt. Standing the dresses or skirts I wear come down to the tops of my ankles or mid-calf. This gives me some decent coverage when I'm moving along. I'm not just sitting, I also balance on the pedals when needed. When going around a corner I may throw a leg out to remain balanced. So added to the long skirt, a skirt that let's me do what I need to do. So either the thing is flared or has a spit. I've tried doing this in long pencil skirts, not happening. My thighs are constrained together and so all movement occurs at the knees, which is no fun. And then add to that the skirt must be of a weight that it stays down and doesn't fly up. Wind, sometimes is not your friend.
Speaking of the wind, it is my enemy when trying to bike and not give anyone a 'show'. A certain move plus a gust of wind and, yeah....
The second thing is biking style. Sometimes I have to bike with the knees together. I'd prefer not to, but the skirt might not be co-operating. And the knee together with bending can shift the skirt back down to where it needs to be, when it has ridden up. When the bottom of the hem hits the bottom part of the knee, the skirt has gone too far up.
Lastly, you cannot do this with a male bike. That bar gets in the way. The bar does not allow a gal to dismount with grace. I love when I come in for a landing and I kick my leg over to one side of the female bike and balance both feet on one pedal.

Podcasts: G-d is going to get sick of me & unheard economists

Well the latest Bored Again Christian is a hit having me hunt on itunes for artists. This month (quarter) is titled "Ch 55: G-d is Going to Get Sick of Me", of course with my typing on the internet I'm leaving out the 'o'. I'm not sure what the heck 'Just Pete' uses as a yardstick to determine what to put on the podcast, but it tends to be good. The title track by Aberdeen City reminds me of the Killers, but maybe that's how the kids are playing these days. "Trouble" by Over the Rhine unfortunately is not on itunes and I'd have to hear another song off of their album before I plunk down the cash to own the song legitimately. Trouble is sexy and sounds like it has a tango thing going for it. What does it have to do with Christianity? Beats me. "Backslider" by the Toadies, sounds like the perfect song for a angry Christian teenage boy stuck in his room determine to go deaf listening to hard rock. My first listen to "Backslider" I had no idea of wtf the lyrics were. MacBiter? McSlider? "Life Goes On" by Pigeon John is a nice hip-hop song 'you're a hook in your own theme song' is the best reason to buy this track. When JP played Judee Sill's "Jesus was a Crossmaker" it was quite good and I bought it, he put Sill's "When the Bridegroom Comes" not so much. It sounds too much like her bit hit.
Econalk's "Caplan on the Myth of the Rational Voter" can be summed up as = economists bitch that no one listens to them.

This small child tortured me...

...by making me watch Mickey's something or another of Dreams for the 2nd time in a heat island. Ah, what we do for love. And she got on my back so she could see because, well she's short. And that wasn't good for my back.
Of course I felt bad for the performers in Mickey's induction because polyester don't breathe and at least one fellow was wearing a wig. Most of the women were wearing wigs too. On top of that.... you gotta dance. Oh pity the serfs of the Magic Kingdom.

Okay now I feel better

A certain someone asked that I not announce that he is getting married. Well to certain other people, so this will be vague but the three people who read this know who I'm talking about.
I expressed some concerns and fears I had about this change in life for him. Well, they we my concerns and fears, he'll be fine. I told him about another really good friend I had back in grad school. Long story short I lost my friend because of a perceived/accidental slight between me and his fiance. I didn't know her that well because she was in Worcester and we were in Amherst, so I there was lots of room for misunderstanding. I'm still sad about that loss. James, my friend, and I are slightly in the same profession but he's dropped off the face of the planet and I'd apologize for several days straight to his wife just to get my friend back.
So I told the soon to be married friend this tale and my worry. He calmed my fears saying what he and his future bride discussed about his friendships. Then later I'm hoping to plan to have them over for dinner and work around his bride's complex diet. Her complex diet and Roland's occasional fasts, if I can get them at the same table for the same meal, I will crown myself Queen of accommodating cooking.

The mystery of the divine

First, I know my puny little human mind is limited. And it is not going to make sense, because I'm trying to work it out.
With that
G-d is love. Love, a force that can go beyond the definition of space and time. Love, a huge powerful force that comes in all sorts of forms. Worse yet, it cannot be measured by science (if it can I want to know who mom loves more), nor can it be placed in controlled experiments. That might go with the mystery of it. You can't control it. In it's raw powerful forms it just plain f'ing scary.
The podcasts and readings by people of faith about Harry Potter, which seem to make it out to be a series of love (fraternal, paternal, etc) stories, the invocation of the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and its themes of love, and other media I get that discuss G-d's life changing miricle inducing love, has got me thinking about it, in its various manifestations.
Going back to the G-d is love idea as a force of love, is just too mysterious. Some parts you can figure out, and some parts are beyond you and you just have to go with it. The problem with going with it is I have to give up some control. "Give it all up to the Lord" I'm told, but then I'm giving it up to this mysterious force that has a wonky timetable (patience they call it) and has its own agenda (his will be done).
Unlike plain old power, brute force, love gets ahold of your heart. Melts it. Makes you want to engage in time consuming acts of charity (form of love), forgive those who wouldn't respond in kind, and engage in other sacrifices. It makes herion addicts give up the smack, it makes martyrs, it changes minds. My problem is when you know what direction love is taking your heart and your logical/ analytical brain fights it because it makes no sense and it is time consuming.
I should note that occasionally my brain wants to sleep in all Sunday, and sometimes I think it has a point.
Once again I digress. So I pray. I am praying a (um I don't remember the exact wording) a special intercession or special 'i' something 'request' would be an easier term at the request of a co-worker. I say prayers of thanks and throw in my own requests to this mysterious force that cannot be bargained with and hope that His will won't bite me in the butt.
My brain is telling me I'm not making any sense and I should go to bed.

Looking for G-d in Harry Potter

I'm almost afraid to finish this book, "Looking for God in Harry Potter" by John Granger. First, I've only read one Harry Potter book, I know hard to believe, but fiction is not something I read. I used to read a lot of sci-fi fiction in high school and college, but once I hit grad school, no more. Second, I've seen most of the Harry Potter movies, but knowing how movies go, there is a lot that is left out. Granger's book mention things I cannot conjure up from my memory of the films, so it must have been left out.
In somethings I think Granger is stretching a little too far finding the symbols of Christ everywhere. The stag is Christ. The unicorn is Christ. The red lion is Christ. The centaur is Christ. That's a lot of Christs or symbols of the Christ running around. I could prove myself wrong when I re-read the books and say, "of course! The [random creature] is a symbol of Christ [doing something]."
I did hit something that made me finally whip out the pencil and write in the book (I do that, write in the margins). There is a scene where Harry observed Lord Voldemort drinking the blood of a unicorn the Dark Lord wounded (killed?). A centaur explained that "The blood of a unicorn will keep you alive, even if you are an inch from death, but at a terrible price. You have slain something pure and defenseless to save yourself, and you will have a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment the blood touches your lips." Granger then compares this to 1 Corinthians 11: 23-29 and thus highlights a portion for me that, I hate to say, seems new. That being

1 Corinthians 11:25-27 (New International Version):New International Version (NIV)
25In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me." 26For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes.
27Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.

This now makes me a little hesitant to go to church today. The Eucharist is the main draw for me, the presence of his body and blood. And well. I know I'm not worthy. And seriously, this is my first time realizing there was a restriction on the communion. The whole 'unworthy manner' thing is news to me. I might have read it before but never gave it much thought.

Time

I lack dicipline.
I don't read as much as I used to.
I spend too much time on this computer.
I watch too much TV.
All that, takes time. Time that I have squandered. Bad me.

Losing 2 legs in my 4 legged stool

I'm really not at liberty to say what I want but for the past few days I have been trying to absorb some information and a reality that I'm just not happy with. In my support network of friends, I am going to lose 2 close friends in 2008. They aren't going to die or anything drastic like that, they are changing their situations. Situations that will put a distance and a strain on our relationships but are excellent moves in their personal and professional lives and I wish them the best.
As far as close friends go, I tend to keep the intimate circle small. There was a risk in doing that and I've lost. Yes, I can try to make new friends, deepen the other friendships I have, but right now I'm mourning the coming loss of a certain kind of intimacy & rapport I had with them.
The problem is that intimacy did not develop instantaneously and the rapport can be hard to find in others. Certain geographic, professional, and public transit options make some relationships easier to cultivate than others. Some friendships require downright near stalking (ie Jonathan, one of the legs) and I really don't want to expand the hunting down part beyond Jon.
Since my past little anxiety attack I realized how important the support network was. How much I needed people who were okay with listening to my unfounded fears and concerns and were willing to help with my emotional burdens. People who give me the freedom to cry.
And now I'm going to lose them, in one way or another. Well, at least I have a year to enjoy their company and talk it out. But one thing is for sure, I'm going to make them paint my house before they are gone. Same goes for you, other legs.

ODing on Libertarianism

Okay, I love my podcasts in that it's like I'm programing my own radio format. But I've discovered that certain things should not run close to one another. One song in between isn't enough, one daily prayer between them isn't enough either. The thing I speak of is the libertarian podcasts.
Russ Roberts of George Mason University puts out Econotalk podcast and has a blog Cafe Hayek. The last one I listened to was on why supporting local businesses is short sighted. I thought he was being facetious when making some of his arguments and failed to recognize another value of supporting local businesses, such as quality of life issues in regards to neighborhood living. But the other points made were decent, in that spending money locally doesn't mean the money stays local.
Fine. This is okay when followed by some report from the University of Florida, a random NPR podcast, or Vatican Radio focusing on some sadness somewhere in the world. It should not be followed by Acton Institute podcasts. Acton seems like a bunch of Christian Libertarians, and I swear my head nearly exploded after a cast on morality and capitalism. The speaker was Fr. Robert A. Sirico, Roman Catholic priest.
So maybe today more make you wanna shake yo booty mash-ups, a few prayers, the odd Lutheran or Anglican sermon, and one, just one, libertarian podcast.

Brides of Christ

Okay, this is one of those random thoughts that wander through my head. So the Church, capital C, is the bride of Christ. Which Church are we talking about? The whole Christian world or the RC or the OC, both, all the above?
Then I wondered, if the RC is the bride of Christ and constantly thinks of herself as such, and maybe the OC is the same (dunno, but I'm sure someone would be more than happy to set me straight), then are oddball Christian sects that really don't proclaim Christ as Lord the occasional girlfriend of Christ? Calling on Christ only when she's drunk and lonely at 2AM after breaking up with Krishna after an arguement about hamburger helper? And cause Jesus is a stand up kind of guy, with open arms, all that good stuff, is willing to forgive, but the problems remain cause she won't settle down and be a bride. Then 6 months later she's run off with some Wiccan earth spirit or some such demigod, 'cause that whole one true G-d thing, too restrictive. She thinks Jesus is a great teacher and all and maybe they can just be friends.
Oh yeah, I'm so going to hell.

Call me Peter

Right now I'm thinking about Peter. St. Peter. Simon Peter. The guy who loved our Lord, but when the time came followed but when confronted denied knowing our Lord ( see Luke 22). Oh, how many times have I downplayed my Christianity? Distanced myself from appearing to know and love the Lord? Like Peter at the time, I have a healthy sense of self preservation. I do run in crowds that can be hostile to the Christian message or aspects thereof. I do think I cam getting better about excusing myself from the room when confronted with anti-Christian, anti-Catholic (not that I am one, but some days I might as well be), or anti-religious sentiments.

Sometimes the answer is no

I have heard that you may pray to G-d looking for an answer. And then he does answer, and the answer is 'no'.
This is not brought on by anything particular going on in my life, it is just a thought that has been jingling around in my head for a while. And not even as a theological thought, but a philosophical one.
What if you encountered an alien race, people from the future who knew what the answers to the secrets you wanted to know, who had the answers, and when they told you, you were disappointed. What if the cure for cancer would require you to nearly wipe a species out? What if ending poverty for 5 generations meant the death of a few billion people for a 'great leap forward'? What if ending weird climate changes in the weather had an unthinkable cost, a trade off that would ask far too much of mortal man? And what if the answer was strictly no, there is no cure, it won't end, that's the way it is and has to be?
What if the answers to some questions were staring us right in the face and because it was too negative, we don't see it? The answer to me getting thin is exercising and possibly banning all sugars (processed and natural) from my diet. That's not going to happen. I like sugar.
So back to theology, when praying and the answer is no, then what? I have heard it may mean no, not right now, later or no, not this but that.

A response

Today at the Mission has a wonderful Christ centered reaction to the incident at Virginia Tech.
Not getting a regular paper, barely watching the news, I am aware of it, but avoiding the media-fest that this is sure to come.

Tear down the temple

What if every Anglican/Episcopal Church in the world, every single one, was found the next day, in neat little piles of building materials. Kings College's huge churchy thing in Cambridge in several piles. A pile of stained glass. A pile of stone. A pile a wooden planks. Turo, same thing. A lovely, neatly packed pile of stone, another pile of glass, and carpeting, wood, and all the items contained in boxes clearly labeled with an inventory list tacked on to each one?
Imagine the news headlines. How would people interpret, if such a thing ever did happen, this miracle? How would the RC and other Christian groups react to such special supernatural attention given to the Anglicans? How would the Anglicans who really don't give much truck to that whole G-d/ Jesus thing react? What would the ABC do and what would he say?
How would KJS take the news? The property you've been suing for is in a neat pile. Do you still want it because if you take it now, you'll have to find a place to store it. And no, you can't store it in the rector's residence.
Three days after it happens, what will stand in its place?

Did we always pray for the AoC?

For the past couple of months I have noticed that my church is including the Archbishop of Canturbury. Okay yes, I really haven't paying much attention, but is this new? I did notice when we started praying for Adrian our mayor, who replaced Anthony. And really I don't think it matters because I bet during the Barry years the church prayed for Marion, lotta good that did.

Be yourself

I've been reading some of the urban planner blogs and I note where the idea is to make places cool & hip. But really there are some places that are not cool or hip and attempts to go that route make a place look like a gangly teenager whose stuffed her bra with way too much TP. You know that age when you're trying on different personalities and identitities trying to figure out which one fits. But the best advice is to be yourself, tweaked.

Love & Harry Potter

Love love? Love Harry Potter? And British accents? Then you gotta listen to Br. Giles' SQPN podcast "The Secrets of Harry Potter". I was blown away by the episode #18 Valentine's Love (mp3) where Brother Giles Alban (of the Hospitaler? Order) talks about love. All kinds. Eros, agape, whathaveyou and ties it in wonderfully to the HP series. It's not the first time I've heard Br. Giles (I guess I really should credit the SoHP writers) talk about love as a powerful magic. This reminds me of what is said in CS Lewis' The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe about love being the most powerful kind of magic that saves Aslan (if I've misinterpreted it tell me).

Mass. THE MUSICAL!

Today I attended the Our Lady of Purpetual Suffering regular Sunday mass. I have mainly attended the Saturday masses so that's what I have to compare with. On Saturday Fr. Whatshisname (I do know his name but before I just kept forgetting) would do most of the singing, as it is his job, without musical accompanment. Understandable, it is Saturday, not regular Sunday mass, but I couldn't help but notice he takes great, great joy in singing. Good for him. For Martin Luther King weekend he had the congregants sing with him a patriotic hymn. I was confused a bit by the choice of music, but whatever. And once again a great obvious joy with a tinge of showiness.
Okay, Sunday and the number of congregants, very small, no more than the Saturday evening bunch. There is music, as expected. The vocals were done by one operetic soloist, singing the music as spirituals. She was amazing, we clapped (and in church you don't clap), she was great. And as it is his job, Fr. Whatshisname, sang, but there seemed to be a bit more to it today. I'm going to call him Fr. LEV (Lift Every Voice), as whatshisname is not a good descriptor. One optional song he sang in honor of the congregation was just plain theatrical. Imagine a guy on Broadway, on stage singing the big hit, with all his might and all his joy... now throw on clerical robes. BOOM! Sunday at Our Lady.
It is Mass, The Musical! Fr. LEV will break out in song, for any reason (and maybe bug you to sing along. Come on everyone, you know how it goes, okay now just the left side...). The leading lady St. Mary, our lady and holy mother of our lord and saviour, she really doesn't do much, but the supporting female singer is a knock out with her delivery. It's Catholic so there is no breaking out in dance.
Our Lady of Purpetual Suffering is becoming dearer to my heart. I like music. Fr. LEV loves music. I guess I need to attend another Sunday to see if it wasn't a fluke. Mass. The Musical! I loved it, and will want to see it again and again until the 2nd coming.

Calling me names

I play around with my name so maybe I have myself to blame. So far this week I have been called:
Mahri, Marie, Marlyn, M****** (my birthname), and Maria. Mostly Maria.

Mission blog

There is a great blog that I can't recommend enough, Today at the Mission. What got me was an earlier post about setting up a feeding mission, where one has to acknowledge problems like trash and neighbors complaining, and my fav, opposing court orders. That's when the people you are trying to serve have court orders to stay away from other people who you're also trying to serve.
I love it because the author talks about Christ in this broken world. The world is broken. Maybe I read too much into it, but I read of Christ in those who hurt and need and suffer (Lord when did we see you hungry?), and in those who attempt to feed and help.

Organized religion

I like organized religion because the disorganized stuff gets on my nerves.

Superpower

I have two superpowers. One that I loathe and can't control, the other I love and can't control. Of course, the one I hate I get more of. The first superpower is static electricity. Yes, wearing a lot of wool does not help, but when the guys were playing with the volt-measuring thing we discovered I carry a higher electric charge than everybody else. [weakly] yea![/weakly] So I am constantly shocking myself and ruining electronics. I can't wear a watch (unless it is the springs and spokes kind). It would be neat if I could control it, build it up and zap people or things.... on purpose, as opposed to what I do now.
Anywho this morning I was full of energy, the zappy kind, and shocking myself.
But the reason I write was the other superpower came forth. My second superpower is the ability to find money on the ground. Free money. I found a nice crispy sharp $1 bill outside the Starbucks across from work. I decided not to put it into my pocket because if there was a beggar, I would give it to him. Strangely there was not a visible homeless person for two blocks, and when I hopped on the bus I put the dollar away.
I like the finding money power. My best finds was when I located L20 (now about $40) at a Tube Station in London with a fare card, but I turned it in to the station manager, and the $20 bill floating through the Dupont Circle Farmer's Market. Oh, no, I think the best best find, proving my power to me was at night, coming from RFK stadium walking with friends through the parking lot and I instinctively pick up a dollar bill. One swoop.

Jealousy

I'm jealous of Mk.
When we ride alone, just the two of us, sometimes we talk about religion and his faith journey. Anyway, we are talking and he's talking about his support network, all the people assisting him to find Christ and be a better Christian. And I'm jealous.
Well now. If I had the same buttinsky's earlier in my life I would have resented them. That was why I liked the Episcopal church, you like Jesus, cool, not too sure, that's cool too, sit back and enjoy our choir. That's why I left St. George's, they have a cool choir. TCotGL, yes, has a cool choir, but sometimes a bit too high altitude church at times.... I digress.
So now, at this very moment, I wish I had a little of Mk's support network. A little, too much and I'd probably run for the hills. I do have friends from church. Besides Spruce, we rarely talk of G'd.
Anywho, had to confess that.
Next deep question. Eat lunch at desk or go to cool restaurant to eat yummy, yummy, appetizer and remember how it is supposed to taste so I can make it home?
Lamb with yogurt defrosting in bag or cute waiters and Tuna tar-tare?
Lamb is pretty defrosted.
I'll eat it, and if I'm still hungry, $12 tuna.

Things I learn in Church

Did you know that you can like, pierce the back of your neck? I did not know that, until one day sitting in church behind a young man, with the nape of his neck pierced. Kids these days. I'm expecting to see someone get the idea to make the pierce jewelry in a pointy stud form and then make a pattern.

Closed communion, open coffee hour

That's what I took away from Dr. Ron Connor's last lecture at the CotRRBP. Closed Communion. Open coffee hour. I'd rather 'open bar', but sadly that would cause a whole set of problems.
The closed communion is, for one, to get away from the really bad, bad notion that the communion should be open to every one and their kid sister, regardless of baptism. No, according to Fr. Connor, the power of the sacraments flow from baptism. Without baptism and all that go with it, the communion is a light snack (my words not Fr. Connor's). I once argued with mummy briefly that you are not a Christian if you are not baptised. I still stand by that. You gotta get dunked or sprinkled (I think dunking is the way and a true baptism.... lingering bits of my Baptist background there).
On the open coffee hour, he mentioned something about the cliquish nature of it. Yup. So in essence it is the closed thing and the whole thing is just backwards. I could see how an open coffee hour could do more to evangelize than an all comers Eucharist. The purpose, for me, of the mass is to worship the Lord and remember his death and resurrection. Not an education for seekers. The lectures and events and programs where individual questions can be addressed and asked would seem more suitable. I learned very little of the Catholic faith by attending mass. I got some bits with the homilies. But where I really learned was in the RCIA class and more recently priest-led/produced podcasts. Places and environments of explaining the WHY one does, what one does at mass.
Still maybe an open bar if the only alcoholic choices are Chardonnay and Merlot.

Catholic mass is making me lazy, and still your issues not mine

Okay I got to the screamy baby service late. I should have left the house 10 minutes earlier than I did but I really didn't care. No really, did, not, give, a crap. I had already had the old & new testaments and the gospel from the priest at Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering with a homily, so the first 1/2 of the Episcopal service is nothing but a re-run for me anyways. Besides, the screamy baby service homilies, are only good because the potential for chaos to rein supreme gives it a kick. I got there pretty much at the end of the homily. As I wrote, re-run. 'Cept there was a chick telling the story and not a dude.
That was one of the issues I had to deal with after the Catholic mass when I and a friend got dinner at a new joint, round the corner from Our Lady. I asked to meet at the church because I saw no reason to head back to my house, meet there and then head back over to that part of town where there were eatery and bar choices. So because of the meeting outside the church I had to explain why my Episcopal self was doing at a Roman Catholic church.
I prefaced the part explanation with the fact that I tend not to vocalize my faith so I tend not to have the language to explain it well enough. Also, something I did not say, is that these things sometime come across as a challenge for me to convince the other person that RC is the true faith and answer all their questions. No, that's what a Catholic information service is for, do I look like a Catholic Information service booth, didn't think so. And once again, it tends to be other people's hang ups with the RC, not mine.
First question, how could you belong to a religion that says that women are unholy and too inferior to become priests? Good lord where do I start? There are several assumptions there, one being that I give a s**t about an integrated priesthood. I like the female priests I have encountered, but I don't really consider their femaleness essential to my salvation. I have no desire to become a priest, maybe a nun (different lifestyle and duties), but not a priest, so the whole female priests thing, not my issue. Also there are Catholic theologians, saints, teachers, etc who are women.
Then there was the priest sex-abuse scandals and celibacy. Knowing how much the RC church asks of its priests, church life can put a strain on family life. And sexual predators are attracted to certain vocations that put them in contact with children, like teaching and coaching and the priesthood. I have no major issue with priestly celibacy. If the RC ever decided to change that I gather they would take a cue from Eastern Orthodox.
I explained, the stuff he brought up were not my struggles with the RC and it is not like I haven't encountered the RC before. I'm getting annoyed (maybe it is the PMS) with having to address other people's problems with the Roman Catholic Church and the assumption that I haven't heard of or considered the cons. I am considering the cons, MY CONS. The issue of the Bishop of Rome as the head of the whole church, the RC churches past sins of indulgences and questionable theology that just seemed to ask for the Protestant Reformation and a variety of minor theological interpretations, not policies.
I also tried to explain the big Episcopal tent, not so well.
While I'm at it, what is it with this constant consensus vibe I keep getting. That we all have to be in agreement almost all the time. Can't we respectfully disagree and stick to the things we do agree on.
Ok this is getting long, I quit.

Good Curry

The smell of the lamb I cooked last night is still in the house and is haunting me. I want it for breakfast. I will have my usual breakfast of tea and crossants and if I still want creamy-yogurty spicy tender lamb, I will have a small plate.

NYE

Well Mk and Cs left here, hopefully well rested.
We deserted our first music venue for another quieter place, because Cs was getting a headache and I was getting the broken speaker effect in my ears. A band Mk knew of was playing on the other side of the District, so we hopped in the car and drove over there. We were still on the road when midnight struck.
We got to the restaurant with the band finishing up the set. The floor was carpeted but we danced anyway. There was a cover charge when I called but we got there with less than 30 minutes of the band and the staff didn't ask much of us. I ordered tea and the waiter refused payment. I left $2 which he never seemed to pick up.
After the band packed up Mk went over to do what he usually does and chatted up the musicians. Cs was slumped over on the bench, and later popped her head up and wondered where Mk was. I pointed over to the corner where the band was breaking down and she walked over in her satin semiformal, a bright bird among the rest of us black clad and casual dressers. In a few seconds time I heard piano music.
Cs played for about half an hour. A few rags, show tunes, a little jazz and some Christmas hymns. We nearly closed the place down. The band was nearly out. The big table was gone, the large Persian/ South Indian (?) family was half gone and the kids were tearing down some of the decorations. A little after 1AM we left.
The rain wasn't hard but it was hard driving for Mk and halfway to my house he asked if I could put Cs up for the night. Closer to the house I said that he should sleep on the couch.
It was about 2AM when my head hit the pillow. I kept my door open just in case someone needed something. Also I was still chaperoning.