Rooming House Memory

I have this in my vague memory. When I was in elementary school, I made friends with a girl whose family lived across the street from the school in a two story boarding house, which was also across the street from Long's Grocery, one of those pitiful horrid southern groceries in a converted house. Come to think there were several of those types in the neighborhood, groceries, not boarding houses. And for those of you just joining me, this is a black neighborhood in Florida in the mid to late 1980s.
Her family lived in a dark single room on the bottom floor, of the place. She lived with her mother, father, and I think a sibling or siblings. Thinking back to yesterday's post, that housing option would not be available. They didn't live in public housing, because on another side of the school campus were "the projects," garden style apartments like the Section 8 one my sister used to live in. Those existed but for some reason, this family did not live in them. They didn't live in a mobile home park, and the city had a bunch of those for a time (which would get wiped out by an act of nature with whatever hurricane ran through). Nor at the time did they live in some falling down shack like my parent's house (which is why I want to set the damned thing on fire), of which the black neighborhood of my hometown has tons of, still. They did eventually move, because we weren't friends no more. Did they move to a better option than a bunch of people crammed into a stuffy room? Hopefully, but if they existed today, they might be homeless, since hurricanes and the city eliminated most of the cheap living arrangements between on the streets and subsidized/public housing.
Looking at Google maps I see that Long's is still there, but the rooming house is no more.

Ending poverty and stuff

I heard recently the mayor or the city council plans to end homelessness in DC. That's nice, but if history is any guide, they won't succeed. They may wind up creating more jobs for an educated middle class, which as a member of the educated middle class, I give a snarky thumbs up.
Part of me believes that the Lord told us that the poor we shall always have with us because we as individuals and society should always be obligated or responsible to those on the bottom, and there is always a bottom. The bottom may be in the gulag, hidden in the country, warehoused in public housing, but there is always a bottom. I find it hard to believe when a Western European person declares that in their country, with their social safety net, there are no poor. I just wonder if they haven't been looking hard enough. Maybe that's what America, cities in the US, are aiming for, making the poor so invisible that we think we've ended it. 
Anyone remember LBJ's War on Poverty? I know we are too busy fighting the War on Drugs and the War on Terrorism to think back that far. I'm not going to attack Medicare or Medicaid, as they are a bit out of my area. No, I'm going to hit at urban renewal, which succeeded in warehousing the urban poor and disinvestment from the urban core so much that it was ripe for gentrification. Housing policy has favored the homeowner and caged the poor in housing outside of the free market with pyrite shackles. What do I mean? There was a crazy long waiting list to get into DC public housing. By focusing on getting into and staying in public housing or local Section 8 housing, people have little incentive to leave the area in search of work. Our predecessors were poor black folk who left/escaped the South for better opportunities, housing programs like DC or Chicago public housing are like fly paper that disincentivize people from looking outside their immediate area, because moving means losing the housing they waited so long for.
I believe you can end a certain type of poverty. Having fat poor diabetic people who watch WWE! is better than having poor people who constantly die of malnutrition. We can feed the world, provided that corrupt leaders stop using food as a way to control their people. I'm looking at you North Korea.
Back to DC. Can DC end homelessness in the city? I don't think so, for various reasons. For one, not all of our homeless are homegrown. The city is better at providing services (typically run by the educated middle classes, who are paid by the government) than say Fairfax or other surrounding jurisdictions. So we'd probably attract more homeless. Next, without a plan to address the whole person, regardless of if the whole person wants to be addressed, is problematic. Sometimes the problem is mental illness, sometimes the problem is serious dysfunction (can't hold a job), or addiction, or disability, or anti-social behavior. Providing a bed does not get at why the person cannot provide their own housing. Lastly, (because I need to finish this) we have made illegal free market housing for the poor. Some people can't maintain or afford more than one room. We (the middle class voters) do not like people crowding into small spaces, nor do we want to live near housing for the poor. We (the middle class voters) don't like trailer parks, so we make them illegal (my hometown did this). We don't like rooming houses, so we zone them out of existence. We don't like people sleeping in every room of a house or having too many people in one structure, so they are housing violations. We don't let people build huts or shanties, because the city will bulldoze those structures. I know the good reasons of why these things are illegal in DC but the cost of these is less housing, regardless of quality.

Hail Metro

I found this in some old email in a box I'm cleaning out.

“Hail Metro, full of passengers,


peak-of-peak is with thee.

Blessed art thou who stand to the right,

and blessed is the A/C of thy cars, seriously.

Holy Metro, cause of my delays, I pray for the escalators, now and until I move within biking distance of my office.

Amen”

Being ourselves

I think that the greatest glue in our marriage is the power of our savior and Lord Jesus. Another pretty good binder is the fact we can be ourselves with each other.
Too much time in one's youth is wasted trying to be someone else.
This weekend the Help once again won the 'only white guy in the room' award at my aunts' alumni fundraiser dance. He is the whitest white guy who was ever white and was so for the whole evening. He did not cease to be him while dancing with one of my aunts, chatting with table mates (though limited by the fact the DJ was trying to make us go deaf), and attempting to do the dance of my people, the Electric Slide. He decided to sit out the "booty call" and other line dances. He did not try to discover some blackness in him or blend in.
When he attends mass with me, he is comfortable being Mr. Presbyterian in the pews. He's decided his job is to hold the missle so he sits and stands and does the low impact excerises short of receiving the host, kneeling, and genuflecting. He sits. He stands. He holds a book and turns the pages. I love him for that.
And I can be me. I can do interpretive dance in his presence. Seriously, serious, non-parody dancing. I do parodies too. I can also sing freely. Private comedy shows with a lot of inside jokes. I can choose to give up on make up and other beauty "musts" the modern world insists on, and he can make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
He can be weird. The kind of of weird that I know he is, because I'm somewhat used to it after a decade of friendship. I also tell him that he's weird and he says, "I know."
In all this we are being ourselves and I love it.
I can only hope others can find the same love being simiply who they are.

Wealth of the birds of the air and the lillies of the field

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]? -Matthew 6:25-27

I've been pondering the city government, services to the poor and urban wildlife. I look at the birds, pidgeons, orioles, blackbirds and those horrid looking vultures that hang out on Pam & Courtney's roof deck. It seems that the birds of the air are richer than the poor of the city. Of course, we don't know how many pidgeons are malnourished or homeless and I could be making great assumptions. Most pidgeons seem to be doing well, well besides being rats with wings. The birds seem to make their homes in the trees and in crevaces of homes, under eaves, in tree cavities, squatting in abandoned homes with open windows, and on the ledges of federal windows. Is that a dignified life for a bird? The Creator has granted the birds with just enough brains to see opportunies in the trees and eaves. Just enough brains to figure the dew and morning wetness is a good time for hunting morning grub and other times urban waste. The city at times seems to be following one aspect of Matthew 6, one hand not knowing what the other hand is doing, but there is great waste. Wasted on poverty pimps and ineffective programs. Wasted in ways that in the long term make the poor worse off and more dependent on the state. Why is it that it appears that the birds of the air and the weeds of the lots live better than the poor of the city? I know G-d loves the people more.

Events at the Help's Church

I'd been meaning to write about a function at the Help's church. It was fun and interesting, the most interesting part was the belly dancing.
It wasn't a worship event. Apparently as part of an auction one of the church musicians was to host an event of the auction winner's choosing. I guess. I'm not sure all I know, jazz at the big white church with the big flexible space. We went despite having to fly out in a few days, as I don't like cramming too many things in.
The sanctuary is a flexible space. There are no fixed pews. For the event there were tables for sitting and tables for food and drink. There was a live jazz quartet? I don't remember how many musicians and anyway, we were expected to dance. We and several other people danced. When the musicians went on break, as live musicians are want to do, CDs were played, however they weren't exactly jazz. At one point what I believe was middle eastern pop was played. There was a table of South Asians, ranging from hijabed young women to gals in party-hardy western dress who got up and danced. At one point I was standing with the Help and one of the Elders of the church watching the circle of women dancing for their own delight. The Help mentioned to the Elder that I took belly dancing classes and I showed a simple move. The Elder responded by trying the move the best way an older white gentleman can.
At another time, as the Help relayed this story to me, he and a bunch of other fellows from the church were standing around talking about what they were giving up for Lent. A few things. There are several people in the church who left the Church (Holy Roman) and the Help is usually concerned about not acting Catholic, due to my influences. Anyway, in this crowd are the pastor, asst. pastor, and probably an elder. I think the pastor gave up chocolate and someone else gave up chocolate. The asst pastor, spat, "What are you a bunch of closet Catholics?" Then he swore to drink as much alcohol and eat as much chocolate as he could during Lent. If memory serves me right, the asst pastor did attend Catholic U. for some classes.
Anyway a good time was had by all, well except maybe the folks who had to get the church ready for service the next day.

Don't want a sleeping prince

I gather the authors mean well when they switch up genders of classic western fairy tales. One that I'm thinking of is switching up Sleeping Beauty, with a princess waking a sleeping prince. Is an unconscious man attractive? Do the new authors ever ask that? With the goal being raising up girls, the price of devaluing boys is not factored.
Seriously, what is the ideal man for a independent minded strong secure woman? A future hen-pecked husband? A supportive but do nothing partner who spends his waking hours on the X-box? Nice but really useless guys, boy-toys?
The modern examples I can think of is Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley of the Harry Potter books. She's strong and smart, and he can be the hero, the supportive man to Harry and Hermione when called for. He doesn't require much rescuing, no more than the main hero, and he has his own list of accomplishments. Another strong fictional female is Katniss Everdeen. When she bothers to think of the opposite sex her heart wavers between Peeta and Gale. Gale is her hunting buddy, the guy who taught her to improve her hunting. Peeta is the guy she has to pretend (she's not even sure on this point) to be in love with. He admires her survival instinct, and his doesn't need rescuing as much as he needs care. Katniss needed Peeta in order to get through the Games, their star-crossed lover story made the rules of the game change. For the rest of the trilogy Peeta is damaged goods, physically strong (despite losing a leg) but mentally, by Book 3, messed up due to the Capitol. Katniss also has some sort of PTSD. As two people who experienced the horrors of the Games, they understand each other and thus rescue each other. Chatting with the Help, who is the in house comics expert, Wonder Woman is now exploring dating her equals, instead of having to deal with her Lois Lane equivalent, Steve Trevor.
So what the sleeping prince stories seem to offer to girls is a future of romance where she'll have to settle for weak passive men, whereas the strong man, the daring man, the man worthy of admiration is left for the gals weaker than she. The better stories are where she shares the story with the guy, not as a lesser character, a weak woman but a co-hero.
The woman in Proverbs 31 is not passive. As I remember, she buys real estate, she has household servants, she's involved in trade. Her husband, no clue, but he's worthy enough to sit with the elders, so I gather he's respected.

Big Poverty Pimpin'- Homeless Shelters & Schools

I'm going to quote the DCist post " Residents of D.C. General Homeless Shelter Complain of Difficulty Getting Out":

On a more immediate basis, Graham said that he'd like to see funding for the shelter increase; it currently costs $13.8 million a year to operate, and city officials say it costs $50,000 annually to shelter a family there. The larger issues of affordable housing and transitional programs also have to be addressed, he said, because without it homeless residents will continue returning to the shelter.

 $50K per family? Seriously? There is something not right with that number. Somebody is making a killing because that number points to some inefficiencies, and there is money to be made in someone's or some government's inefficiency. Or are the people who ran the school system before Fenty/Rhee in charge of the homeless shelters now?
Is the idea that if you spend a lot of money carelessly in the so called service in the "least of those", regardless of results, it is supposed to be right? It doesn't sound like the homeless families are being served well by the system.
I should say that I see sloppy inefficiency as a form of injustice, as a failure to use your G-d given talents with all your heart, soul, and brain in his service. It does a disservice to the poor.
I've finished former School Chancellor Michelle Rhee's book Radical. She makes a pretty good argument that poorly functioning schools do the poor a disservice, as education is a pathway out of poverty. DC was spending the most per student than most urban school systems and had horrible results and the money spent was wasted on a central bureaucracy that saw serving the students and teachers as a PITA, so did it poorly. She described a warehouse that had the equipment and supplies teachers needed, but the materials were not getting to the schools. The school system was spending the money but the results weren't being achieved.
In a post Fenty/Rhee DC school system the poor and the rest of the city is being better served. Families aren't automatically running to NoVa or Southern Maryland. There is lots of school choice. Our schools are way better, and they could be even better than now, and they are on the right track for becoming a school system that families want.
For $50K per family, which I must note is more than what the Help makes, DC can do better. I get that there is overhead, staff, electricity, stuff. But at that price homeless families should be getting a variety of services, which they aren't. In this case DC Homeless services is like a car with a messed up fuel line and money is gas. They need gas to go forward, but the gas is leaking or the line is clogged and putting more in the tank won't help matters.

Meditation on work

I was going to look at some scripture, but my memory of it was incorrect when I looked at the Bible.... and my good study Bible has grown legs... I'm sure scripture has lots to say about work and labor, google it.

Anyways, I was listening to a podcast about robotics and invention. Before that I listened to another podcast about maker sheds, sort of like shop club for adults. The common thread was that American manufacturing is changing as is American manufacturing jobs. The robot podcast provided an example of a robot that can do line work, if the line work is simple, like putting cupcakes in a box. You take the robot arms and show (provide motor memory) the little bot how to do your job for a few hours and the next day you collect your last paycheck. The little robot doesn't need health insurance, bathroom breaks, a union, nor any of those things to make humans happy and healthy.
Yes, there are many manufacturing tasks that have been taken over by robots already, but what about more tasks than now?
Then I thought about jobs my friends and colleagues pity and feel bad about, like maid service, janitorial work, and farm labor. What if in some near future there is no need for maids and janitors because they've been replaced with bots? What if thousands of migrant workers were replaced by bots or tractor parts that could pick the tenderest lettuce, or the ripest grapes. Think of the many labor issues in America for low paying jobs and imagine that those issues went away because the people have been replaced by technology.
I don't know about you but I find something unsettling in that thought. It's not that I want to subjugate people to low paying jobs but there is something in work that is good and eliminating a whole sector of work, bad. 
My first job was as a non-union cashier in a grocery story. I made a dime more than minimum wage to start. My mom, when she had to re-enter the work force got her foot in the door with low skill low paid work. Same thing for sis. Low paid work is not a good place to hang out, but it is a good first step. My first paid job, I'm glad I had it. I'm glad the manager took a chance on a 16 year old girl with no previous work experience. I learned a lot. I learned to challenge myself. I learned there are some really creepy men out there as well as cool couples who clog. I'm also glad I don't do it anymore for pay , yet the experience does come in handy for self check out.
Self-check out, back to the robots.  I like it. But sometimes I need a human and they won't let you buy NyQuil at the self-checkout w/o a human.
But as my history project showed, where we listed occupations that no longer exist, there is little point in hanging on to those occupations taken over by technology (horse buggies by cars; laundresses by diy washer dryers) or fashion or what have you. But whatever, we must have some work for the poor and the young so they can move towards that which hasn't been replaced by technology, yet.

Christmas Carol

It has been a while but I think the Penguin Classic's version of the Christmas Carol is one of the best audio versions of the book that made me sense G-d's transforming power. Why? I have no explanation.

Thankful for the grace of G-d and forgiveness

Not to go into too much detail, I serve on a jury, a long term sort of thing that goes for several months and I serve with several other citizens. The hardest part of this is staying awake and quiet when need be. The second hardest part is that it is like a part-time job you didn't ask for or apply, which is hard on your real job.
As I wrote the hard part is staying awake. The foreperson will chastise those nodding off or speaking out of turn. Many of those violators will acknowledge, maybe even apologize for their error, and make attempts to not make the same error. They do eventually fall back into the error and once again seek to not make the same mistake again, over and over. But then you have those who are brazen, who do not apologize and when they acknowledge their error they point out that others make the same mistake, which they seem to argue is justification for them to do what is natural, sleeping, even if a witness is just right there in front of them spilling their guts.
Isn't sin similar?
What me? In the wrong? No! Everyone else is doing it. Go ahead report me, I've got better things to do than sit here.
I thought of this and compared it to our sinful natures and our fellow humans who don't acknowledge that they too are sinners. How can you be thankful and wanting of grace (which we don't deserve) and appreciating Christ's death if you don't think you have sinned and think you're alright with G-d. Better yet, what god, because you got better things to do than worship.
Nobody's job is THAT important and if it were, you wouldn't be stuck on jury duty.

Time. free will and the stuff we are bound to

I don't remember if I've posted it here but I've been thinking a lot about time.
Free will and time.
Past, future, present and time.
When I think of historic preservation I do think of the future, along the lines that history is not done, and space is limited. To preserve a square block for the celebration of something that happened in 1894 or 1945 or 1966, is to say no (until politics, natural disasters or acts of god change it) to other options for the next 10, 100 or 200 years or more.
How free are future generations to say, "No Thanks" to a 'gift' presented in the form of preserving an event that may have 0 relevance to the people of the future, or fiscal burdens masked as trinkets for the people of the present?
I think of our G-d existing outside of time, unbound by it, as he exists outside of our space. He, I believe, exists in eternity.  So I wonder when he looks on our present, is it really THE present or another spot in time? If our present isn't THE present, then he'd know our future, which is just someone's past. He knows where our vices and virtues will take us, and which sins will snag us.
I haven't taking the divine thought too far as it wanders way too close to Predestination. I have been thinking a lot about where is THE present and does a present really exist. Dealing with history and historic documents, the people of our past act as if they are existing in a present. Who is to say we are not the same?
If we were to go to our past who are we to say that Dewey won't defeat Truman? But we can't go into the past, nor the future. Someone in the far future may know what's in my nearish future, but can't warn me, nor can they impact the decisions I make which may be helpful or harmful to that future person or myself. They, like myself, are stuck in their present.
That future person maybe aware that I will do X in 2013 or 2015, and now in my present I am free to do X or Y, even though the people of the future know I will do X. I believe Y is an option and might consider it so right up until the point I change my mind. Dewey still can win the presidency, it is an option, right up until all the votes are counted.

Blissful ignorance

We have avoided the news since waking up this morning.
We were only exposed to about 5 seconds of news while trying to see if TMZ* was on.
We voted, had dinner, then watched a DVD. Now we are going to bed.
Tomorrow NPR will tell us the outcome and thankfully this will (hopefully) be over and done.


*TMZ in one way endangers our souls, but on the other hand it allows us to know about people we could care less about without having to watch their mind numbing soul destroying shows. We know 'of' the Jersey Shore, but we don't 'know' Jersey Shore.

Tough Love

I really wish people would get their "stuff" together.
There is a woman. A character, who shows up near my block who begs for money. If there is one good thing I could say about Cindy the Crackho (later crack dealer), she worked for it. On various occasions I have pointed the beggar to one of several organizations (Bread for the City being one) where she could get a meal, and maybe get in touch with their holistic services, so she can get her stuff together. However, after several interactions with this woman, from making her a sandwich to buying her some groceries, I don't think she's interested in getting her stuff together. That pisses me off. I'm going to have to stop caring about this person because her constant excuses for not lifting herself up (or reaching out to some professionals who can assist) is pissing me off.
I guess I can be more sympathetic to one dimensional characters and strangers.
My sister, more so when she was younger,  was a person who didn't have their stuff together. I love my sister. It was a good thing that we were several states away because there was stuff she'd do that would make me so angry, that if we lived in the same town, I'd have a criminal record. If I didn't love her, I wouldn't have cared.
Love is not just rainbows and soft cotton candy. It can be painful, painful to see the people you love not doing their best, being less than what they are or can be, wasting themselves. It is really hard with family members who you love, especially if one or more is on a downward or circular spiral and would really like it if you didn't mess with their trajectory.
Jesus calls us to love our neighbors and our enemies. I struggle with that. Besides the obvious, there is the problem (with those falling under "neighbor") of having to have your heart broken in that love. Or to be torn.

Sickness & in health

The Help came down with a cold.
I, thank the Lord, am fine. With rest and eye-talian cough syrup (equal parts honey, lemon juice and cognac, heated in the microwave) I've so far kept illness at bay.
This weekend I figured my job as wife and helpmate was to make sure he didn't go anywhere. Seriously, if he had his way, he'd be dragging his diseased corpse to outer Maryland for his weekend volunteer gig and then at church spreading the love and the germs. The most loving thing I could do for my guy and the health of the DC metro area was to keep him in bed and try to stay cold-free myself.
Thankfully we have a second room. It still isn't up to guest room snuff yet. So after 1 night of hacking and tossing, we slept separately. I miss him and I love him, he with the raw red nose and looking like an extra from a zombie movie. I love him and he is mine, every germy snotty coughy inch of him.

Christian Soldier

Sometimes a Christian warrior is a single grandmother living in the inner city fighting the Devil who has come in the guise of her crackhead daughter or has whispered in the ear of her abusive ex-husband. She fights evil with love, and and unbreakable faith. In any fight she may fall and get beaten, maybe even taken captive. But she returns to her G-d for the armor she needs to get back in there and fight again for the kingdom. May his kingdom come.

Pity Parties are the worst

No cake.
No ballons.
Definately no cool gifts.
It's a pity party.
Not to get into any details, to protect the privacy of the one who tried to throw the party, but I crashed such a party.
I am honored to be a close enough friend to speak to the person to ridicule their self inflicted downward spiral of pity in order to pull them out and have them laugh about it. I'm also lucky it didn't get worse.
I was not interested in joining in on how horrible, stupid and other negative descripters they used to describe themselves. They'd beat themselves up enough, anymore would be piling on.
However, in the future, I'd like to make a pity party cake, where it all tastes bitter.

Experiencing the Faith

I'm going through various audiobooks, fiction, history, sci-fi and the such to get me through the tedious tasks at work that don't require my brain. Data entry. (Sigh) I'll be happy to one day get back to the tasks that do need my brain, but anyway... Several of them have been written by atheists or non-believers, who make their beliefs on non-belief known in their works.
One book I could not finish because the topic that the title promised seemed to be less forthcoming as the author began to take more and more swipes at Judaism and Christianity and make more and more claims that his brand of humanism was correct and based in science. Well I wanted the science and all I got (maybe it was later in the book but he wasn't making it worth my while to stick around) was bad history and disagreeable philosophy.
Another book, an abridged Ayn Rand, was informative and tolerable. I agreed with her on some points but not on others. I'm with the mystics and I'm okay. I respect that in that version she didn't seem to think it worth her while to take many swipes.
I have finished a book by Arther C. Clark where I sense he did not understand people of faith and their faith. The story had aliens who come down bring peace and science and for some reasons this wipes away most (except some form of Buddhism) world religions. I'm not sure why this "science explains it all" is supposed to snatch away the power of the Cross.
The most dangerous, is a book I'm listening to in dribs and drabs. It's by an Anglican who describes himself as friendly to the faith but not a believer. Yeah, that sounds CofE to me. His book actually explains where some of the conflicting parts of the Bible, changes and I gather 'fads'/heresies in Christianity's history and some of the best evidence against believing. I told the Help to stay away from this book, he's not good with conflicting ideas.
With all the books I find myself being very thankful that I have experienced the hand and love of the Trinity. There are parts of my life that are downright mystical, and really hard to explain. I have experienced Christ in the hands and feet of his Church. I have experienced the Holy Spirit in ways that have shaken me and moved me and lead me to a better place. And of all that, I can not logically explain it. Heck I can't really explain some parts when the Help and I witness to each other. From the outside it can look mad.
This experience, fed by the practice, so far beats out the arguments against it for me. And I am thankful. Very thankful.

Marriage and loss

I've gotten married and I am starting to lose things. Not my mind, just stuff.
Before I got married I had two waiter's corkscrews. Now I have none. Where did they go? Dozens of roommates, and I kept those two corkscrews. One husband... BAM! They are gone.
Same for a really nice sweatshirt I had since 1988. I got it in Paris. Now, it is no where to be found.
I had some folding chairs but I think my aunt may have run off with those.
There are non-material things too. There went my sense of independence. When I was single, I was very comfortable being alone. I liked my own company and was at peace with my own thoughts. Now I yearn for my husband and to be near him. I worry about his commute. I need him. The old single me, who exists in a corner in my mind is very annoyed at the needy yearny woman developing. That single self also got annoyed at women who defined themselves by their men. I still think I mostly define myself outside of my role as wife. And even inside that wife role, I am trying to define what my roles are, as the Help also tries to figure out how to play out 'husband'.

Church as a social tool

Let's wander away from the theological for a moment.
A few days ago while walking from a point A to a point B and taking my sweet time downtown I ran into someone from my old church (the Church of the Really Really Blond People). She was sitting on a park bench enjoying the day, when I said hi and sat down beside her. We chatted awhile but I figured I'd held off going to point B long enough and said my goodbyes.
As I left, I reflected on the idea that she and I had little in common and how the church experience brought us together. She is much older, from a section of town I don't visit, and from what I gather, long retired. I've met a lot of people outside of my usual social circle and formed friendships through the churches I've attended around DC.
I remember most fondly a fellow Chris Tighe, from St. George's in Arlington. I would sit next to him because most Sundays he'd change the lyrics to one hymn or do something funny. And then there is the gal I'll just call Nora Bombay who I also met at St. Georges. She eventually fell away from regular attendance (too early on Sunday) but I still consider her a great friend. Then there are the odd people and friends made since St. Georges.
Despite only showing up once a month, I know a bunch of people from the Help's church. He tells me they ask about me when I don't show.
So if you're wondering how to meet people, go to church. But remember you get out of it as good as you put in.

The Christian Golden Rule is a two parter

When wandering the self-serve area of IKEA, sometimes there will be reminders that there are two or more boxes the person needs to pick up if they want a Bukkayse or a Vahyse, which they will put together with an allen wrench.
What we know as the "Golden Rule" a concept shared by many ideologies and religions of treating others as one would like others to treat them. However if using Christian scriptures, the concept is a two parter, like the flat IKEA furniture. Our Lord Jesus the Christ in Luke 10:27 where he said to love G-d with our whole selves AND our neighbor as ourselves. The first part is to orient our love, which determines what is love and justice and righteousness, because it should be rooted in G-d. Though in Matthew 7:12 it is a lone concept without a mention of G-d, just a stand alone idea next to a bunch of other separate statements. However Matt 7:12 mentions that "this is the law and the prophets." The law is mentioned in Luke, where G-d comes first. 

Our Christian History- Grandpa

My grandfather died before I was born, before mom married dad, so I never knew him and he died unaware that the family would continue on. His picture sits on a dresser opposite the bathroom. For most of my male roommates and the husband, who ranks well above a roommate, his picture tends to turn away from the wall. Yes, when you exit the bathroom he stares right at you.
Anyway, my grandfather was a sharecropper in North Carolina, with 5 kids and the loopy woman I call grandma. And for a time had his father, Great-Grandpa Kelly come live with them. He was not a wealthy man. One holiday my aunts laughed about a time when the kids all had to share one candy bar and how they had to work the fields and then go to school the same day.
He was also a church deacon.  My uncle, one of his sons. now serves as deacon for the same small church. My grandmother, was a deaconess.
I think of my grandfather now and again (though I never met the man) when I think of what non-profits can't do for the poor what the church can do, give them positions of authority and respect. What self-respecting charity would put someone from their client base in a decision making position to pick the CEO (pastor) and to run day to day operations? Maybe that's an unfair question. But I wonder.

Jesus Radically Conservative and Radically Liberal

I was listening to a podcast recently and the speaker mentioned that Jesus was radically conservative and radically liberal, by our definitions of liberal and conservative. The speaker then used the example of when men brought before Jesus the adulteress to be stoned. Liberal in setting her free, conservative in telling her to "sin no more".
Can you think of other examples?
It's late so I can't.

Is it fair?

Is it fair that I was born in late 20th century America and millions if not billions of people weren't? Because here and now is wonderful and I thank G-d for it. Oh, pity those poor folk born in 16th century England. Or anyone born in China during the Ming Dynasty, or later during the time of the Opium wars.
Now is pretty cool.

Well that's stupid

I have a sense of how I got on a certain email list. I support a certain libertarian and I'm gun rights friendly* Republican. However, with that they should not assume Christianity. Yes, I am a Christian, but I can think of a non-Christian libertarian leaning gun-friendly person right now.
I got this email from a conservative mailing list, that normally I would have deleted without looking at it. Well I looked. And it's stupid. The main gist of the email is, "Stop Muslim Sharia and Foreign Law from enforcement in American courts by activist judges."
Apparently somewhere in Ohio some judge banned pork from a prison so everyone would eat, "muslim food." There is kosher, there is halal but no food can be Jewish or Muslim, any more than food can be Christian. Unless a peanut butter sandwich can give itself up to Jesus Christ.
I just unsubscribed. I still also get emails from the libertarian Republicans, so I'll still be aware of whatever the secular right wing of the party is getting its panties in a bunch about. I'll stick with any mailings (which right now are very few) from my Church to keep up with issues of religious freedom.

*I do believe in some limits and that people shouldn't be stupid with guns. Like with cars. And like with cars, but more so, you should have the right to own and practice with a firearm and other defensive items.

"Communicative sex life"

In an article in the Washington Post today there is an article about Catholic women being supportive of the Church's position on artifical birth control, "communicative sex life." That is what NFP (less so that and more TCOYF ) has given the Help and I. He plays a part. In the morning he measures my tempurature. Every morning. And he records it, along with other information that relates to our attempts at pregnancy. He is very aware of my cycles and what's going on, and I am more so now. A little less so on the cervical fluid part, as I haven't gotten past the "ick" factor. But I'm aware of it and more aware of my body than I was when I was on the pill from big pharma.
The idea in there is that NFP needs to be brought into the 21st century. It has, because there is an app for that. I just don't know if I want to pay that much for an app, and the free/cheap ones look like a waste of space on my phone.
We do communicate. The tempurature measurement is a daily thing, a first thing in the morning after the alarm clock goes off thing. Okay, thwacking him on the chest and mumbling "measure me" is not the most romantic thing, but it makes him an equal partner. With the pill, it was just me. A solo thing, in my then solo life. Guys only cared if you were on it, not if you were actually taking it every day or going along to doctors visits for the depo. Here he is a true partner, and active partner.

Our Christian History- Grandma

I've been thinking of how the Help and I practice and live this label of "Christian." But before I even touch that I have to start with my grandmother, the mean one.
She lived and died in North Carolina and really didn't care to leave it. Before she married my grandfather, she was a Methodist or maybe AME, not really sure. Granddaddy was a deacon in his Baptist church and apparently grandma had to become Baptist in order for that to occur. She became a deaconess at the little NC church where many decades later she had her funeral.
She can claim some small part in my faith walk. Well besides the Baptist history in the family, there were the monthly, quarterly phone calls I'd have to make. Usually I'd wait for 2 different family members to get on my case and say I had to call her. She was an unpleasant woman.
Anyway, she'd ask if I'd gone to church. At the time I was in college and I'd say yes. I guess it would  have been easier to lie, but instead I made sure I was in a church at least once a month. That was my loose tether, keeping me in the fold of G-d, or at least visiting a community of his people. From there I eventually decided one Lent, sometime after college, to go to church once a week.
But back to Grandma. There is something, I believe my mother said about her that is beginning to haunt me. Grandma did not believe in doing any work on Sunday. She would not even pick up scissors. I am trying to reduce if not not do anything on Sunday, except cook. I'd like to resist the temptation of making anyone work for me, such as the cashiers at IKEA, the movie house staff, even the operators in Delhi, on the Sabbath. I'm not there yet.
Despite being Christian, she was mean. She seemed to love to find your buttons, and push them. I credit her with her second husband's death. Of course, she could have been a much meaner, nastier person without Christ.

Still Catholic and Republican

I'll be happy when the primary rolls around so I can vote for a guy who has a snowball's chance in Hell of winning the nomination. I am going to buy into the notion that my vote on national matters don't mean a hill of beans, all politics is local, which has it's level of crazy. But it is local so there is a chance of confronting my local Councilman, in person.
Today, after a nice nap we went to church and engaged in the low impact aerobics that is Mass. The priest is still male and  I'm pretty okay with that. If female priestly leadership was ever a main concern of mine, then I would have remained in the Episcopal church. But I found I really like a male presence in the church and my criticisms of the Help's conservative PCA church is the music can be too feminine. The male leadership is one of the few things keeping it from breaking out in to all out girlishness. Those praise songs are sung in a key that is too high. First it starts out with the girlie music and then before you know it you'll have church dancing and an overwhelming female congregation and female leadership. Okay, I'm making that up, I just despise the praise songs.
On the radio and other media the Left is claiming women will leave the church and the Republican party. Nope. No plans on leaving. I left the party once, mainly because it was on a RHINO witch hunt and you know, I didn't need that crap. This, some radio loudmouth and Republican candidates supporting "traditional family" (soon you're gonna tell me the Pope is Catholic) does not shake my preference for the GOP. Not leaving the Holy Roman Catholic Church anytime soon either. Of course if Fr. Watkins starts giving long and mind-numbing homilies I might start shopping around for another Roman Catholic Church.
I like CS Lewis' the Great Divorce and listen to the audiobook often. In Lewis' Heaven, there are no 'rights'. We do not have a right to anything the Lord grants us. Heaven is not a democracy and the Triune G-d is not elected by the citizens. There is no difference between Greek or Jew, slave or free, male or female, but I don't think this means "equality" as we have been defining it. It doesn't mean we're interchangeable. It means, to me, that it does not make a difference in his love for us. His love is for all.

Pointing out sin and failure is no excuse to impose policy

Hopefully by now that whole 98% of Catholic women use birth control bs has been examined and debunked. I've been a Roman Catholic for about 3 years now, and have not used any sort of birth control, of course, I'm trying to get pregnant so that sort of defeats the purpose. It has been well over a decade, guessing I stopped sometime in 1998 in grad school, since getting depo provera shots, and the last time I was on the pill, I was an undergraduate, so lets say 20 years ago. And when I was a broke college student with no insurance, somehow I managed to afford it (generic), so I don't see why there is a big deal to make women pay for it themselves if they so need to have it.
And while on birth control I was not engaging in an activity that would be approved by the Roman Catholic Church, nor was it in line with the commandments. I wanted "love" and "stuff" and the path of sin seemed to be an efficient road to both and I got neither. My faith walk has greatly improved since being an undergrad in the late 80s, early 90s, but still there is lots of room for improvement. So that's why three years ago I threw my lot in with the RC church, to enrich my faith and to feed my desire for the risen Lord. I trust the Church not to support anything that will make me trip and fall into sin.
Another difference between then and now is Jesus (and the whole Trinity for that matter) is in more parts of my life. Before he was limited to Sunday visits in a building. Now he's in my home, he hangs out in the kitchen, the living room where we watch movies and TV, and in the bedroom. His presence is becoming greater in our leisure time and our checkbook.
I cannot judge anyone elses' walk with the Lord, because thankfully I do not have the window into people's lives as G-d does. However, I don't think failure of many American Catholic women, regardless to the adherence to their faith, to abstain from big pharma birth control, should give the state license to dictate to the Church how to run its schools and hospitals and other faith based initiatives. But then again, the Church shouldn't have gotten into bed with the State over mandated health insurance in the first place.

Lent 2012

We are not giving up anything this year but taking up the Bible and prayer.

The Help wants to read from Psalms everyday. For Lent I will actually remind him. Of course, I can see some logistical problems with taking this on. The Help doesn't think too far out in the future, so I'll need to ask him how he wants to handle those times of the week when the readings won't work.
For myself I will take up one more prayer a day. My days have 4 prayers (3 prayers before meals and our night prayers), 5 would be best. I'm on auto-mode in the morning for any thoughtful prayers in the AM.

I used to listen to a (catholic?) podcast of prayers and I can't remember the name of it. It was something with pray or prayer in the title. I do remember they all ended with "In the name of the father, and the son and the holy spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now..."

Anyway, as a couple we are taking on Lent and trying to make this year about growing closer to G-d and less about losing weight.

State vs Church

I can't believe the Roman Catholic Church in America didn't see this coming. Or too blind to think that governments can be confused with social non-profits. No the state is amoral. The same taxes that fund food programs is the same taxes that fund bullets, bombs, secret prisons and black ops.
I hope that not only the RC in the USA gets it,, I hope the Pope gets it too, and remember that we are not to put our faith in princes and principalities.

The Help and I joked that we'd like to raise our future children Baptist (worked out well for me), where they'd go to Black Baptist churches where there are black Jesuses. However the Black Baptist church has mistaken our President as a Black Jesus. Who is he? Not Jesus, just the democratically elected prince of a very large, very powerful principality.

Church Art

Jesus painting 1, a photo by In Shaw on Flickr.

A few years ago I helped my aunt photograph an event at a Baptist church basement with the ugliest black Jesus I have ever set eyes on.
For a funeral I attended another black Baptist church. I noticed in the sanctuary and in the basement several art pieces by the same artist. Much better than ugly Jesus mural. As you can see above the artist uses contemporary Afr.Amer. faces and hair styles to portray 1st century jews. He does faces quite well. Hands, not so much. The Help (my husband) remarked in this painting the artist tried to show the waves of water.
This was some of the best, non mass made, African American religious art that I've seen inside a black chruch. The best was in a college Catholic Church (more Latino than anything), in the vestible of the St. Augustine Catholic church in Gainesville, FL. The piece was of St. Augustine, though dark skinned had northern African features.
Anyway it is good when churches are a place to experience the arts, besides music.

Weird dream stuff, probably about work

Without getting detailed, I had a dream last night and I think it was about a problem I have a work. My conclusion is that I should take on the theology of a bumper sticker, to let go and let G-d.

The dream I was the best man (person) of a crafty-diy lesbian wedding at a British Anglican Church. The couple was busy being giddy and I, was not too thrilled with my position, but I had a job and I was going to do it. I had to make a decision about whether or not to buy a bottle of wine for twenty pounds (that's how I know I was in Britian, though no one had an English accent) or forty, knowing that I'd have to eat the cost. And there were other issues in order to get the whole thing going that the couple were too busy to answer. But I had a job and I do care about doing a good job.

Same thing at work. There is a project about something I did't care about and whenever it is done I'll forget all about. However the organization and cataloguing, I thought I found a good solution to, but my boss doesn't like it and thinks it looks too complicated. I think the other system proposed creates more complication down the road. My idea isn't getting much traction with the decision makers, so after tomorrow I'm letting go of my idea. Take it, reject it, whatever I'm done giving any emotional and mental energy to something I honestly don't care about. But I care about doing a good job. And I'll just do as directed, once direction comes forth.

Until then I'm going to do self-directed projects on stuff I do give a d@mned about.

Psalms for 2012

In 2012 we are going to try to do more reading of psalms like it was done in the house that the Help left before joining me here in DC. After dinner the head of the house would read a chapter from the book of Psalms, if enough household (family and boarders) members were around. So far in 2011 we've been haphazard. When we do read, it is two readings. One from the New King James, read by the Help, and me following with a 'dramatic reading' of the same chapter from the Message.
To any who read this may the Lord bless and keep you in 2012 and beyond.

Christmas- Advent and humbug

The decor is all the Help's work.

But I did chose the color of the ribbon he used.
Help: Don't we have any red ribbon?
Me: Purple and pink are perfectly fine advent colors.
Help: Should I go out and buy some red ribbon?
Me: No. It's Advent dammit, use the purple and pink. When we hit Christmas season you can put up all the red you want. Besides the red ribbon I have isn't for the outdoors.

Commerically the Christmas season started sometime in October. That's when I started seeing x-mas crap in Home Depot and some stores. Prior to Thanksgiving, I'd scream at the TV when a commerical for "holiday" shopping came up, "Not even Halloween/Thanksgiving yet!" Now that we are in the commercial Christmas season, my nod has been to online stores. Spiritually, it's Advent. What do I do during Advent? I dunno. It didn't really stick that well when I was an Episcopalian, and as a Catholic, I sort of acknowledge the season, with the two colors that dominate my ribbon collection. And sing Christmas songs....

MST3K for the Christian Movies

This weekend the Help and I snuggled up with some Netflix movies that have been sitting on top of the DVD player, one being a film, No Greater Love. It's one of those Christian faith-based, faith inspired movies with seriously uneven acting and poor character development. This is one of three point five Christian films we've seen in the past year. Two I had seen before but wanted to share with my new husband. Being home, I and sometimes we, like to loudly add our own commentary to the films, regardless if they are big budget Hollywood, mid budget Bollywood, or I'm not sure what the heck your budget was movies. Christian movies, that strongly wish to spread the gospel about our lord and savior, get the same critical treatment.
What really bugged us for No Greater Love were the male Christians. When the main character, an agnostic man trying to get his long lost now-Christian wife back, was arguing with the pastor of her church, the pastor kept smiling. It just seemed weird. The old friend of the main character, who attended the same church as the long lost wife and the pastor, had this goofy look on his face most of the time. Except for one scene where the guy bothered acting. We know the look was to show how happy and wonderful it was having Christ in his life, but really, REALLY? Don't get me started on the character development of the women in these films. One word, doormat.
The exception to the woman as doormat was in Faith Like Potatoes. Slightly uneven acting there too, but let's say the non-actor types weren't pushed 10 miles before their abilities as the American Christian films were. Faith Like Potatoes, is based on a real life South African white farmer, who comes to Christ after failing on one farm and starting up another. His wife expresses her fears and doubts and just doesn't let things just happen to her.
Third film starred Kirk Cameron, in Fireproof. Acting talent ranged from good (Cameron), to regional theater not bad, to answered the announcement at church for parts in the production. I'm sorry poor acting bugs me and is distracting. The story is good and the development for Mr. Cameron's character was good and showed beliveable transformation, but everyone else, a little flat.
The .5 movie in the bunch we watched this year was a short film, produced by some church out west about the story of Hosea. I can't remember the name of the film but it stars a woman, who used to be in the adult film industry before she found Christ. Loosely based on the Bible about the prophet Hosea, it is about a preacher who marries a former stripper. Seriously uneven acting, but unlike the other films the main actor isn't the best actor.
Maybe it is a rule somewhere that religious movie productions must have uneven acting. I once came across a Hindi movie/ tv show (in hindi without English subtitles) and immediately could tell it was a religious themed production as it seemed they grabbed Sanj from the back of the temple to play the monkey god.
The best Christian movies that I can think of off the top of my head is the Lord of the Ring trilogy, followed by the eight film series of Harry Potter.

Infallability- Cooking

The Help and I had a disagreement last night. It was his night to cook and he made shepherd's pie. The mash potato crust was very watery. He couldn't understand it. He followed the recipie. Well not exactly he didn't weigh the potatoes. I said maybe next time eyeball the liquid ingredients like the butter and the chicken stock. Then he got a little upset that he should have to veer away from the written word.
In our house I am the Eyeball Queen. How much salt goes in there? Idunno, I eyeball and taste. The Help wants exact measurements. Please note I don't bake, baking is not eyeball friendly.
Back to the written word.... I mentioned how on Epicurious.com people in the reviews make suggestions on tweaking the recipie presented. He did not like this at all! He wanted to know wasn't the recipie written by professionals, and if so why would it need changing? I got annoyed that he would take what was written as gospel and not bring ones own experience to the recipie as written.

Come thy fount

'Come Thy Fount of Every Blessing' was one of our wedding hymns since it means so much to me. Despite being misspelled in the wedding program.
There are the lines

Let thy goodness, like a fetter,

bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

I do catch myself wandering in thought and I need the Lord to reel me back in. The world is like an endless sea or the boundless space above the Earth. I am not a fish nor a space creature that can live in the vaccum of space and the thought of floating adrift in the world saddens me. I am very aware that others may find the fetters constraining and limiting if not choking. I've been adrift, with my fetters unhinged, free to sin, and the reward was pitiful. There is another part of the hymn:

Jesus sought me when a stranger,

Wandering from the fold of G-d;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

I have wandered and Jesus reeled me back in. I love my Lord, and like my relationship with my husband it has its highs and lows but regardless of its current state, I value my relationship with him.

How's married life treating ya?

"It's an adjustment"
That's my answer. Someone asked hubbyman the same thing and apparently he said 'exausting'.
It is an adjustment and I am very thankful that my husband is open to change and criticism. However I do stop myself when I think I'm being too much of a shrew. He is trying. Half of it though is relearning old good habits and skills and unlearning habits he picked up while living in a place we call "that house" or the den of inequity.
A husband is way different than a roommate. Roommates weren't this much trouble. Apparently my roommates feared me because I was the landlady. No fear with the husband and so the walls have gotten marred, several things broken, and rough treatment of the fixtures. Also the utilities have gone up! We are working towards being more energy effiecent and less destructive.
We are working on his husbandry, his spiritual leadership of our small family.

Early Reflection on Marriage

"At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. " Matt 22:30
We haven't been married for even 6 months yet so I don't know what wisdom can be gleaned, except I can look back on this and try to remember. Same reason I keep my teenage writings, so I can remember... and roll my eyes at my former self.

The Help is my best friend and my husband. When I find my husband to be grating, I search for my best friend. I also remember that back when I had absolutely no interest in him as a man (none, nunca, zip), grabbing his hand, touching his ring finger and telling him I'd be so happy to see a band on it. Then I didn't care who put that ring on. Well, if you want to have something done right, I guess you have to do it yourself, so I put the band on his finger after G-d opened my heart.
If by the Grace of G-d we arrive in his presence after this life is done, I hope that our faces will be turned to the almighty together as friends and siblings in Christ. As our Lord says there will be no marriage (that's how I'm interpreting it) in heaven. Fine. If I can hang out with the Help in the afterlife, as sibling or friend, cool. If the only focus is G-d, then I should get as much of all my hanging out with him as much as possible.

"I'm not dead yet"

Yesterday we found out that the Help's dad, my FIL, has been given 2-6 months to live. My step-mother in law is a worrier and so we're trying to determine if this is her worrying or he's actually going to die this year.
So the Help called his dad and though he didn't say he was feeling well he did want everyone to take a wait and see and not get into a tizzy. When we saw him last he wasn't doing too well and that is helping with accepting what might happen.
Or not. I'm agreeing with my FIL, and waiting and seeing.

Charity, friends and family and aquaintences

19-21"There once was a rich man, expensively dressed in the latest fashions, wasting his days in conspicuous consumption. A poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, had been dumped on his doorstep. All he lived for was to get a meal from scraps off the rich man's table. His best friends were the dogs who came and licked his sores. 22-24"Then he died, this poor man, and was taken up by the angels to the lap of Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried. In hell and in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham in the distance and Lazarus in his lap. He called out, 'Father Abraham, mercy! Have mercy! Send Lazarus to dip his finger in water to cool my tongue. I'm in agony in this fire.' 25-26"But Abraham said, 'Child, remember that in your lifetime you got the good things and Lazarus the bad things. It's not like that here. Here he's consoled and you're tormented. Besides, in all these matters there is a huge chasm set between us so that no one can go from us to you even if he wanted to, nor can anyone cross over from you to us.' 27-28"The rich man said, 'Then let me ask you, Father: Send him to the house of my father where I have five brothers, so he can tell them the score and warn them so they won't end up here in this place of torment.' 29"Abraham answered, 'They have Moses and the Prophets to tell them the score. Let them listen to them.' 30"'I know, Father Abraham,' he said, 'but they're not listening. If someone came back to them from the dead, they would change their ways.' 31"Abraham replied, 'If they won't listen to Moses and the Prophets, they're not going to be convinced by someone who rises from the dead.'" "The Message Luke 16: 19-31

I think of this when I think of charitable giving or giving to others. I would like to note that there was some familarity between the rich man and Poor Lazarus, as the man requests that Lazarus, who he names, come down and provide him with some relief. Jesus also has something to say about the stranger and charity with the story of the Good Samaratin.
What does the above have to do with my thoughts now? Dunno, I figure it would take too long to link the following to the above.
Some friends, who have been carrying a burden have gotten to the point where they are asking for monetary help. They've been asking for prayers, but the battle, like all wars, has gotten expensive. They are middle class Americans, but certain things, which I won't write about to respect their privacy, can cripple you financially. Knowing how hard it can be for normally independent people to ask for help, I am thankful for the opportunity to do something more.
Though I don't know if or how it counts this also has me thinking of financially aiding poorer relations. I've been sending my parents just enough money to keep them in Starbucks for a couple of weeks. Not much. Gas money, really. Mom has access to an account of mine that I need to periodically take money out of so it doesn't become too much of a temptation. For I noticed my family get all sorts of plans in their heads about how to spend the money when it gets over $1000. She'll take money out to cover insurance or a light bill or taxes. Fine. It's there for those kinds of things.
Then there are my new relatives, my in-laws. I don't know what they need, or how to give it. With my own, I know where I can be bossy and where to lay off. Since the Help's MO for the longest while was to check in once a quarter and visit once a year with his people, I don't know what the score is. Also culturally it's different, west coast and somewhat whitish. They talk about it being hard with budget cuts and the state fooling with the pensions. Okay. I can see where any charity offered can step on toes (undermining sense of being a provider or adequate parent). So right now I'm just taking it as grousing and not a call for help. And there is another help that is asked for that we are too far away to do.
I'm also thinking of help offered to people we sort of know from a distance. I'm thinking of someone's legal battle that thankfully is over, but the bills were big and it kept dragging on and on. They asked for help and I wrote checks. Small checks and I wish they could have been bigger.

Buy a Bible & Frank Griswald

This is a hodge podge entry so flow with it
1st Ret. Bishop Frank Griswald was in town. Saw him today. I'm now Catholic so I have nothing else to say.

2nd, after hearing the Help's story I immediately called my mother and told her to buy my niece a Bible. The Help's family when he was growing up was what I will call nominally Christian, and that's being generous. They'd celebrate Christmas, put up a creche, and maybe would wander over somewhere and celebrate midnight mass. However, and I found this horribly shocking, there was not one single Bible in is family's house while he was growing up. I then grabbed off the shelf my first Bible that my mother gave me when I was 10. A cheap King James that is barely staying together and littered with teenage scribbling. My point was even at the age of 10 I had my own friggin bible and that I found it unbelievable that there wasn't a single bible in his house. His parents did have him baptized by Episcopalians, and I guess could be called seekers but not to have The Word in the house just seemed.... I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it.
There are about 10 Bibles in our house. Most of my collection comes via Nora Bombay and her ex-roommate the lesbian ex-Episcopal priest. Of the ones I had already was the one mom gave, a NRSV I bought because I didn't like the Elizabethan English of KJ, and the Word in Life Study Bible recommended to me by the tall blond giant down the street. And they do get use. I grabbed the Oxford Study Bible today when we were looking at some Wikipedia entry about St. Teresa de Alva on my iphone. I wanted to see what context the referenced verses were in, as they related to St. Teresa's ideas on prayer. Also I'll try to find a verse when trying to remember it, though I tend more often to go to Biblegateway.com.
I remember listening to a podcast from a liberal Episcopal church and the speaker, who I guess was either delivering a homily or just making a very impassioned speech pleaded/demanded that they needed to take the Bible back (from the conservatives). Well first thing you need to do is have it in your house.

Also file under random deep thoughts, celibacy. I'm re-listening to the audiobook on 18th century England, and the author doubts the chastity of unmarried adults. Sadly, some people don't believe it is possible. Then later that day watched an episode of Bones where one of the characters grudgingly was trying out celibacy. Asking a lush to be chaste is like asking an epicurean glutton to fast.

Fat Tuesday

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, which I found out last year is not a day of obligation so for the 1st time in years I'm going to skip the ash on the forehead. Maybe. Well I'm not taking off work for it.
For Lent I will be going vegitarian (actually pescaterian) and making Fridays sugar/HFCS free. The Help is observing Lent for the 1st time this year and will be giving up his beloved chocolate of which he has made an idol. He's given up chocolate before, when he was engaged to a gal with severe dietary restrictions. Together we will be reading Pslams or something from the Bible for our date nights.
To feast before the lenten fast we are going to a ritzy joint that I want to check out. Last year I went to Courduroy for Fat Tuesday. I don't need dancing half naked in the street and loud Jazz. No, I want waiters in black, a wine list, and white table cloths.

The Universe Conspires Against Me So I Don't Attend A Furneral

I looked in the Friday and Saturday paper and saw nothing about Fr. Conner's funeral. It seems that his notice was in the few papers I did not read. One day I didn't get a paper because the Post and I had a disagreement about payment. The next day I had the paper, and it fell out of my bag as I raced to the metro station. And I swear I looked in the Friday paper and nothing. I looked. I remember looking.
Today I looked on-line. His funeral was this past Saturday. He had a lot of admirers and funerals are for the living.
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Father Ronald Conner

I can't sleep.
I'm going to blame caffeine and my husband.
And there is sad news. Local Episcopal apologist Fr. Ron Conner is very, very ill. He's been battling some immunity respiratory thing for several months now, with stints up at NIH. I figured he's get better. He was getting better. Now he's not and from reports of those closer to him, he's accepting death. A selfish prayer would be to plead with the Almighty to heal him, so those of us who want more of him won't be denied. However, Conner's response is "Thy will be done."

Pleasure

Everyso often I ask myself what has made me very very happy. I don't think we ask ourselves that enough. And the question isn't what does one look forward to but what in the act of it was very fulfilling. I will share 5 such things in no order.

1. Working on a series of records relating to the District of Columbia. This is one of those things where I get surprised by the joy of discovery. It pulls together experience and knowledge and makes me forget time.

2. Recently, on our honeymoon the view of the valley and mountains of California. It was the landscape slowly showing its beauty and me being taken by it. That feeling of pleasure of seeing something so lovely. Also on the same honeymoon, Bodega Bay, seeing the waves crash on rocks. Also the feeling of being awed by nature. Unlike the valleys and mountains that had human input, with the farms, wineries, and little McMansions tucked in the mountains, the bay was purely the creation of our Lord.

3. Eating good food. On our honeymoon it was my first course of foie gras, butter, tasty butter. At home it is when my comfort dish of pasta salad finds that 'just right' combination of oil and cheese and heat.

4. Seeing ET aka Nora Bombay again. Gotta get to Chicago.

5. Singing a really, really good hymn. For our wedding I picked a few hymns that I really enjoy and that would fit the wedding better than some other hymns I enjoy that tend to be about death and the blood of Christ all over the place. The exit hymn, our Best Woman/ matron of honor, said, I gotta sing this, and russled around for a program for "Lord of All Hopefulness." Something quivers in me when a good hymn is sung and better yet, when I get to sing it too.

Yes, I do take some pleasure in my husband, but right now it is being balanced out with the frustration of finding space for all his.... 'stuff'. Also with trying to get him to do certain things that won't drive me nuts, which I won't go into here. Yet there was that moment when unpacking more of his stuff I pulled out a block of high end knives and exclaimed, "THIS, was worth marrying you for!" There was much pleasure in being the proud new owner of some really nice knives. But, then I said the same thing when we got a shiny French copper pan for a wedding gift.

Ummmmmmmmm, copper.

Choirs

I was speaking with my mother the other day and she mentioned in passing that her church only has a full choir once a month now. Apparently since the days since I've been there the congregation's numbers have dwindled, and no longer have enough people to support weekly choirs. Dad's church on the other hand remains sizable to support a men's choir.
My own church is also small. We have a cantor. When the occasion calls for it there is a choir. Of course I tend to show up to the masses with little to no music.

This may be it

Well another Sunday another church. To get everyone up to speed, I’m Catholic marrying a Presbyterian. We both show up to our own churches once a week, so neither one of us is lapsed nor does it seem like anyone’s one church will rule them all so far, so we’re looking for a family church. Jokingly I’ve said we’ll raise our children Lutheran, so a Lutheran church we went.
The church is not too far from the house, so we walked. However, the walk is further than where I’d prefer to walk. It is in “take the bus” range. So we got there and was greeted to the sounds of “Louie, Louie” being banged out by a couple of kids at the drums and piano. It was an instrumental, so I serenaded the Help with “Louie, Lou-I, Oh, baby, we gotta, go. Yeah, yeah, yeah…” It was before church so I wasn’t too worried.
The Help on the other hand has a low tolerance for modern worship music.
In addition to being greeted by 60s party music, we were greeted by several church members as we oriented ourselves, figured out where we wanted to sit, and after we set. We were given devotionals, pens, a calendar.. Can’t nobody say this church isn’t friendly.
Despite the intro music, when church started it was straight traditional hymns. The sermon was good and reflected a theological outlook that we were both in agreement with. The coffee hour had protein. Hot dogs, mustard, onions and relish options. It would have been nice if ketchup was an option. I judge a church’s coffee hour by the level of protein provided.
The honest negatives, are a few. We sat in the back where a couple of church gossipers were. Yes, I too noticed the woman with the skirt that was too short, but did not feel the need to share that observation, unlike the women behind us. The church is kinda small. But I can’t complain, as my church’s numbers are sparse too. The facilities are old and will need some upgrade to keep it useable, which means in the next few years there might be a capital campaign.
On the whole we liked it. We’ll probably come again to the church to see if it will be a good neutral church for us.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

10 things that made me happy lately
1. Finding my working headphones after weeks of deciding that they were lost FOREVER
2. Finding $10 in a coat pocket
3. Getting pasta salad juuuuust right
4. Getting a lamb dish just right and pairing it with a glass of wine
5. A phone call from a hard to get ahold of friend
6. Finding my wallet that fell in the gutter
7. Meyer Lemoncello
8. Sitting and chatting with a neighbor as they were packing up
9. Brething out of both nostrils (I'm getting over a horrid cold/flu)
10. Sitting in the comfy chair, looking out my window and enjoying the street drama (or lack thereof) outside

5 things that have made me happy
1. A wonderous sight to the eyes (a great landscape, a cool design of someone's living room on a dark night, etc)
2. Accomplishing a project that I can look back on and point to the results.
3. A really good meal
4. An awesome hymn that I get to sing (as opposed to just the choir or cantor singing) that's arranged just right that might have and accapella part to it or bridge
5. Compline at the end of the day

Christianity and Democracy both had idiots

American Christians are biblically illiterate. I'm semi-literate. But pointing out as a few weeks ago, as the press did, that many Christians don't know a lot about their faith is a little off. It doesn't take much to point out how many registered voters don't know the name of their mayor, or state legislative representative, or senators. And they probably voted for the person! Yet voter ignorance does not negate democracy, or suffrage. It's just part of the deal of universal suffrage, and laws against poll taxes, that dummies will vote.
And likewise, the unwise pray.

Dropping the Spinster and Thoughts on Prepping/Survivalism

I've decided to drop the happyspinster url. I'm letting it go. It will no longer be mine after tomorrow. If you want ti grab it before some site squatter does. My host keeps sending frantic emails but meh.

Okay. September is preparedness month. Don't believe me ask FEMA. I pondered putting something up on the popular blog but there are things that need to get done before the fiscal year ends, so maybe next year. Off and on I'd been reading The Chatelaine's Keys, a blog by a Jewish farmer lady, whose thing is peak oil, and that's why she's prepping. I think I found her for the canning and gardening tips. Then this year I came across a fellow named Jack Spirko and his Survivalist Podcast. We (me, the Help, and my libertarian leaning Buddhist cousin) listened to several of his podcasts while driving to and from western Virginia. His language is salty and we enjoy it when his Pennsylvania/Jersey accent peeks out from his adopted Texas/Arkansas one. He has a near daily podcast and it is informative. I've learned about biltong, and then found this lovely biltong box from Ikeahacker. I am very interested in food preservation and food security and growing, not because I fear the black helicopters (there are helicopters flying over my house but they are navy and white and they &^#!-up my TV reception) and peak oil. No. I need to free up space in the freezers and I sometimes like to be very lazy and not have to go to the store or market every week. Also there are minor set backs in the system. Old power lines go kablewy and we lose power for 1-16 hours. I think once we lost power for a full 24 hours. If it snows, more than 2 inches, the city loses it's mind, Metro stops working and the end of civilization is nigh. This is why I try to keep enough TP in the house for a 1 month seige.
These prepper/survivalist things just inspire me to can and preserve food from the farmers markets and whatever I grow if I get anything. Have bulk supplies of stuff I eat. Have a month or so supply of food on hand. Right now I can eat rice and tomatoes, and pasta and tomatoes for a month if I was trapped in the house.

Letting the Spinster Pass and catering update

In a few days I'm going to let the happyspinster.com url go into the great beyond where someone else can buy it up and use it since no one has asked for it. I'm keeping crappychristian.com
Now on to wedding matters. We are pondering a caterer. He's really not a caterer but a former chef. A former 4 star chef. I mentioned our price constriants. When I brought him up to the Help, he also wondered if we could afford him. I Googled him, he almost hit celebrity status. Worked at restaurants I can't afford. Okay, normally can't afford. I'm re-reading my email to him and I told him what our budget is and that I think he's worth more than what we've budgeted. I ran into him and he said, no problem he's not that busy at that time of the year.
Still, worried about the afford part. Because I know he has that 4 star chef desire for great, fresh, and local ingredients. And everything will be out of season.

Blessed are the poor in spirit

“Blessed Are the Poor in Spirit” Matthew 5:1-13
Well the biblical commentary on this says one thing but I've been pondering another. The material poor who also lack skills and imagination.
I am thankful to the US Army as it did not send my father to Vietnam to be a name on the wall or a nut case. Instead he wound up in Germany and was trained as a mechanic. He took those skills learned in the army got a job, then made a business that at times fed us. I say at times, because daddy is a crappy businessman, decent mechanic and plumber, craptastic businessman.
Mummy, can sew and crochet and has a few other skills, but hasn't really made any money with them. They make her happy and lets her make other people happy. The girls like it when grandma sews them something.
But let me get back to my initial thought, the material poor and poverty of the spirit. We were lower middle class in a poor neighborhood, but rich in spirit. We had our Lord and we had our creativity to create and do. Though some of the doing didn't create a lot of money, like lilly dillys, frozen Kool-Aide on a stick in a tiny Dixie cup. But there was creation and doing and worship. Now I worry. There is less worship. Complete lack of creation that has been replaced with consuming, and the doing is becoming more criminal.
Not only are people poor in material goods they are also poor in spirit.

TV-Outlaw

It sucked.
The first 20 minutes I decided the show was crap and insulting. Insulting because the main character played by Jimmy Smitts is a Latino US Supreme Court Justice who quits and turns from supporting conservative issues and to liberal causes. As a conservative person of color that was just too insulting as the show's writers made it that he was only supporting conservative causes because a big bad conservative white guy was bullying him. It would have been fine if he was a liberal justice who decides he'd be doing more good as a lawyer, which would have been fine.
But it seemed to be that the writers went out of their way to say that minority conservatives aren't genuine. If we’d only be our true selves then we’d hop on the left’s side. If it weren’t for pressure from the white conservatives, if we were free we’d see the errors of our ways. Bull! And that was insulting and offensive. So, I won’t be watching this drivel. Of course, there were other things I thought were stupid too. His staff, too few and too stupid.
Well at least it appears they shot it in DC.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend

Dogs are a man's best friend but you can't pawn a dog.
Yesterday, on a whim I bid on ebay for a diamond. A loose diamond. I want to start a small collection, so I can put them in a black velvet bag and take them out occassionally and pretend to be a Bond villian.
I'm not getting any diamonds to wear. The Help and I went ring shopping and decided on plain wedding bands, no diamonds. There is a practical reason, diamonds scratch things. I'm thinking of iphones. I nearly bid on a phone but apparently it had a scratch from the user's diamond earring. We will be getting plain bands from the kiosk at the mall. Maybe on our 5th we'll upgrade to plain Tiffany bands.
But I still want diamonds, just in a bag, that I can say in a deep voice, "Well, Mr. Bond, will you trade these for the microfilm?"

Living apart- shocking

We announced our engagement to some aquaintences we've known over the years and when asked where we are living, the Help said he's in Beltsville and I'm in DC, and the person had a look of mild shock on her face. Following questions and answers made it clear that no, we aren't going to start living together until we're married. I'm just getting a thrill by shocking someone with our unconventiality.
There is a very practical reason why it is best that we live apart beyond the living out our faith. The new roommate will help raise a couple thousand bucks for the wedding. Second, I hate to be unromatic but this house is my largest asset and is the reason why my net worth is a positive number even after factoring in the mortgage. It seems unwise to have someone who will claim the property moving in before he has a legal right to it.

A Good Compline Spoiled by Praise Music

We're going to give a church one more chance. The Help and I are seeking a church we can worship at together. His landlords suggested a CANA church and so since one was in walking distance, we walked this sunday to one. Unfortunately they were without a priest, so that was a problem right there. So there was a bit of free form. There was a program that had things that appeared straight out of the Book of Common Prayer. I really like the BoCP. Yet in between BCP parts there was ad-libbing. I dislike ad-libbing in worship. It's a style thing, nothing theological and that's where the Help and I depart in worship. I like my prayers time tested by at least several decades if not hundreds of years. He likes the personalization and timeliness, blah, blah, blah (I love him) and really G-d hears all prayers.
So I muddled through the break out prayer groups where we were to discuss what was on our hearts and have the small group pray for us. You know, as many years that I was a Baptist, I managed to avoid this sort of thing. As a Episcopalian that sort of thing wasn't done at the churches I attended. And as a Catholic, I'm really really ok with having the priest in charge, less work for me.
The second half was better it was like compline. I love compline. Yet the other matter was that a lot of the music came from the past 15 years, P&W music. The Help dislikes modern worship music. Me, not too much of a fan as when it is sung the male voices seem hard to hear and it sounds like a young women's choir. I love hearing male voices, strong male voices. Only in one song did I hear the male voice strongly enough.
We'll give it another chance, when the priest has arrived.

Wedding Dresses

Today I plan to look for fabric for a wedding dress.
I have pondered buying a dress however about 80% of the wedding dresses I see make me want to puke.
I find them to be tacky. Also I dislike the whole princess for a day vibe that they have. Seriously, when do you ever wander around in a floor length dress with sequins? Okay, yes, you have that lovely drag show, but for the rest of us, when do you wander around wearing a sparkly dress? I don't. And wearing a dress that I can never concieve of wearing again in any other context seems so untrue. I'd be just as true wandering in dressed as Princess Leah with two danishes on the side of my head.
Umm, danish.
Well once again, if anyone wants the happyspinster.com url, contact me. I'll give it to you for free.

Sucky Surveys

A few days ago I got a phone call for a survey. The way the questions were written I'd say the sponsor of the survey wanted to get supported for an all powerful regional quasi-government group to take over metro and determine the transportation. As the questioner was asking I did tell her that they were some badly written, horrid, survey questions. They were almost in the territory of when did you stop beating your wife? Recently? Not too recently? Hardly ever or not that often?
I answer my phone so I get asked survey questions. There are some surveys that are political that I answer as truefully as I can. Some I just lie about, particularly on hot button issues, where I don't trust that the answers will be used properly or where individual information will get out there. Also on hot button issues my opinions are nuanced. Not 100% enthusiastically for something nor 100% seething with hatred and bombing making material against. Unfortunately, the survey writers can't seem to imagine something that isn't at the poles.

URL 4 SALE

The renewal for HappySpinster.Com is coming up in September and well, I won't need it. So if I know you and you want the URL I will give it to you if I can transfer it prior to the renew date.
Oh and for those who don't know, I'm engaged. So in about 5 months I will no longer be a spinster. So I'd like to pass it on to someone else who is okay will being single or a DJ or band of that name. I may renew it and I'll charge whomever wants it for $10 or 10% above costs.

I wanna generator

I didn't loose any power in the last storm. And I can't remember when exactly we had that 8hr power loss in the neighborhood, either earlier this year or Fall last year. But hearing that people still don't have power in MoCo after 2 days makes me think, I should get one. Problem or problems:
1- Where the heck would I put it?
2- Where would I store the fuel for it?
3- What would I get?
4- How do I keep it from getting stolen?
That last question comes from chatting with a childhood friend in Florida. Generator theft is high there. Understandable as it's Florida, there are hurricanes and their spin off tornadoes and those things have the annoying habit to wacking out the power lines. More people have them and lots of people need them adn they are portable, thus theft. Here the problem isn't so much tornadoes, though we have them, but rather an aging grid. I can pretty much say that I'll lose power once a year, but for how long is unknown. A few hours to a whole day has been my experience.
I'll wrap it up in the basement fund.

Just like Scarlett O-Hara, but black and in the 21st Century

It has been a while since I've watched Gone with the Wind, but I think my desires kinda fit this movie. I want land, red earth, I want Tara. My Tara, which in my mind is a 4 bedroom townhouse near downtown with a bitching backyard.
About a week or so ago I got a call from Bob M. the Realtor who sold me the house in Florida. He was looking for business and wondering if I wanted to buy more property. Yes, I want to buy property. I can't buy more property because I have no money. I need to fix my roof and I really, really need to address my basement. What I need and what I want are two different things right now.
Also I've begun sorta looking at wooded lots in Virigina and imagining buying something out in the country. I'll put that in the fantasy box with an investment property townhouse in Baltimore.

The Message

First off I want to thank Nora Bombay's ex-roommate, the hardest working lesbian ex-Episcopal priest, for whom this post would not be possible. When NB's roommate left NoVa for NYC she left behind bibles and other religiously themed books. Those books wound up with me. Some I sold, some I gave away, and some I kept. Of those Bibles is 'The Message', which is like the regular Bible but on crack, or drunk or off its meds. Don't get me wrong I like "The Message" but sometimes I compare it with the normal NIV and think, 'Gad this is wacky.' For example (via Biblegateway):
NIV- The Cost of Following Jesus

18When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. 19Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go."

20Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

21Another disciple said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."

22But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead."

Now the Message-

Your Business Is Life, Not Death
18-19When Jesus saw that a curious crowd was growing by the minute, he told his disciples to get him out of there to the other side of the lake. As they left, a religion scholar asked if he could go along. "I'll go with you, wherever," he said.

20Jesus was curt: "Are you ready to rough it? We're not staying in the best inns, you know."

21Another follower said, "Master, excuse me for a couple of days, please. I have my father's funeral to take care of."

22Jesus refused. "First things first. Your business is life, not death. Follow me. Pursue life."

In this example our Savior is being hard. The translation is, ah, different. No birds with nests in the Message, just we're camping and leave your father.

Wussman I love

The Help is a bit squeemish regarding some food. His last girlfriend has some severe food allergies and barely ate anything. I on the other hand believe if it bleeds I can cook it and eat it. He likes the openess I have towards food but sometimes I am a little too open. I had him cleaning mussles for a dish, at some point he noticed the mussles making noises and I made the mistake of telling him they were alive. Oh, the little remarks I had to endure after that.
Before the mussle incident he would proclaim that he didn't want to eat anything with a head on it. He would eat meat or fish, just as long as there was no head on it. After the mussles he's included them in the list of things that look back at him. Dang it, I want to cook and eat blue crabs! I don't want to hear bitching about food that can attack you.
Then there was the time with the rabbit. The rabbit had no head. But there I was cutting it into parts for browning and he walked into the kitchen. The way he describes it is that its little legs were all sticking up and then I cracked the ribs. Upon the rib cracking he turned on his heel out of the kitchen. He also likes to avoid me when I've got a knife in my hands.
He's quite happy to eat what I cook, but I could deal without the wussiness of his meat eating. With further discussions we decided if push came to shove and if he had to live off the land like his hero Daniel Boone, he'd toughen up and eat things with heads and faces. Until then he's the 21st Century equivilent of the bespeckled man in the bowler hat who steps off the stagecoach in dime store Westerns.

Fun Anglican Website

Considering I left the Church of England for the One True and Most Holy Mother Church (I kid, I'm just Catholic), I still keep looking back at the train wreck. I sometimes wonder if I left too early. Sigh. Anyway, Anglicans in Texas are a hoot. I subscribe to Wannbe Anglican and just found The NEW Anglican Firearms "Enthusiast". No I'm not doing this to scare the crap outta of my Jewish/Atheist liberal friends. A lot of people I know and like dislike my Lord and my G-d and are highly distrustful of guns and particularly conservatives with guns. However, being a separate person with my own mind and an American I am free to practice the 1st Amendment and maybe one day the 2nd, as the Help suggested we go to a shooting range for date night. Oh, kiss, kiss, bang, bang.
But anyway on Anglican sites, I found the Anglican Firearms Enthusiast, via Bad Vestments a blog about typically Anglican, sometimes Catholic, vestments that should be set on fire, 'cause sometimes service can get too colorful.

What we don't know

There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we now know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. These are things we do not know we don’t know. - Quote by Don Rumsfeld

I'm sitting here with my lunch, farmer's market gespatcho and Mexican Fruit stand avocado and I got to thinking about food. Particularly a question I asked the vendor who sold the soup a long time ago. I asked him if it was vegan. It must have been Lent when doing vegan Fridays (never again!). He said that the bread used was vegan. I was doubtful but bought it anyway. I never made bread and always figured it needed eggs and milk. I must have been confusing it with cake. But that was an illustration of what I didn't know. I didn't know that bread is flour, water and some sort of yeast or rising agent.
There is a lot we don't know about food. There is probably even more that we know that we don't know about food. There is probably even more than that which we don't know we don't know about food. The food unknown unknowns. As a society there is a lot we will know about what is trendy to know about food but will increasiingly loose knowledge about old foodways of cooking and food prep and food saftey because they are not as trendy.

Ah to be a free black woman

My goal one day is to own my house free and clear and have a decent FU fund. Financially I'm still slogging through. I don't know why it was a slog. Anyway the goal is freedom. I want to be free to run off to Florida and do absolutely nothing. Of course after 3 days I'll get bored and come back here seeking to be free to work on a project.
I want to be free from my stuff. Really do you own your stuff or does your stuff own you? Current goal is to clear out the basement. It would help if I didn't put anything else down there. The Goodwill box is filling up with clothes that I have finally come to admit, I probably won't wear, again.
I want to be free of burdensome expectations and duties. There are somethings I do because at some point I will get a reward, be it warm fuzzies or a fulfilled goal. There are things that don't relate to a bigger goal and I'm getting better at saying no. I don't have it down pat, but I'm getting better. And this also relates to being free of someone's or some group's idea that I owe them. Draw up the bill, itemize the services and I will pay legitimate debits that I incurred, but I will not be in perpetual servitude for vague concepts.
Going back to finances, I want to be financially secure. I don't want to be in a position where someone can dangle some half rotted carrot and I feel obligated to jump. Like with the way many colleges do with tenure and young PhDs. Luckily there is not much carrot dangling where I am, but I'm close enough to others where it is, and it ain't pretty.