Several in One

I've been meaning to post on a couple of topics but then something new happens. So I'm going to post them all at once.

At the cross

This hymn has been inside my head all day.
All weekend I've been bugged by a run in I had with a prostitute. Ho's Hobos and Joggers should stay out of the bike lane. It's a bike lane. Anyway I had rung my bell and she cursed at me saying I should move. It had been in my head to get her type back, but I experienced a small miracle and my husband's words (quoting the Bible) "Do not repay evil with evil" reminded me that I really should just let it go. But it is hard. I've decided the better come back is "Jesus loves you."
What does this have to do with the hymn in my head? Something to sing on my way to work as I pass the ladies serving the breakfast Johns. Otherwise nothing.

Catholic Deaconess- I'll take it

 I really don't think there is such an animal. Deacons are men and preferably ones who want to be priests. And in my husband's church, which also is a bit patriarchal, there are no deaconess. Well none since the split with the PCUSA.
The last week's mass was another where B & J did not show up, nor did K. Worse Fr. W. was on vacay or somewhere else, so Fr. L whose church is kinda crashing at ours, celebrated mass. Fr. L still hasn't gotten the rhythm of the Saturday quickie mass. He's got the short homily down but there were some parts (the creed) that got skipped. Now why is it important that B&J show up. J does the readings. I also do readings but I have been doing more of the readings since people aren't showing up due to Summer. And B & J take the offering, and know when to take the offering. And J also helps with the distribution of the host. J does a lot. If B&J aren't there Fr. W pretty much knows who to pull in to assist with the mass. Fr. L, and to be very fair any other substitute priest, would not. So I took charge (I did not want to) read the readings, got the hubby (who was in attendance with me) to help me with collecting the offering.
After the mass there was a regular & possible neighborhood character floating around begging for help. I have seen her interacting with Fr. W before and know she uses the church to get food. There is a food pantry somewhere in the church but I don't know much about it. Fr. L was unsure what to do or how to handle it as the people who normally deal with this matter were all unreachable. So I jumped in ans helped. I told her I'd run to the Giant on the next block and buy her 3 things, after a too long exchange of what she couldn't eat (high blood pressure, diabetes, really bad teeth) which seemed to be anything healthy (no salad, no green beans). She asked me if I was the deaconess. No, but I'll take that title to get this over with. The three things were hamburger meat, cheddar cheese and a roll of toilet tissue. You know what is near impossible to find in the store on the 4th of July in the evening? Hamburger meat. But I found it and lucky me the last few packages were for grass fed organic cows. $12 later, plus the .05 cent bag fee, she got her 3 items.

 You can't say I left the Episcopalians to get away from the gay

I am very happy that B. brings his non-Catholic partner C to mass and they are regular attendees. Same for A. who has been bringing, or has been brought by due to his illness, his non-Catholic partner (with the rings I suspect 'spouse') J. I love all these men, Catholic and non-Catholic and enjoy their presence. I also love that the diocese had a letter for everyone, that the church inserted into the bulletin clarifying its stance regarding marriage.
I was chatting with a friend at the Help's church about the continuing downward spiral of the Episcopal Church. But he summed up my feelings well saying, "Not your circus, not your problem." So with that I'm going to stop giving to all Episcopal and Anglican (even those who separated) because that's no longer my problem. There are other denominations going to Hell in a handbasket as well as they follow Mammon and the god of the zietgiest, but they are not my problem.
I am trusting the Holy Roman Catholic Church with my soul and pray that it will stay faithful to the teachings of Our Savior. I trust her to help guide me in my relations with my gay brothers and sisters in Christ as they seek G-d in a church that respects life, doesn't water down the gospel, and is universal with a place for the left and the right. 
  

Is it a white guy thing? Protecting "their" women

I've encountered a sentiment up close a couple times to make me wonder if it is a 'thing'. First time was with a roommate, the white straight male one. He was talking about the future, his concerns about the future with his then girlfriend (now wife). He liked the neighborhood we were in, but had some concerns about living here with her. He had very strong concerns about her safety, about her walking on the streets alone, afraid she'd be raped or something. They wound up in another part of DC, with (as far as I'm concerned) the same crime issues, but much hipper and a better selection of retail and restaurant options. At the time, I was in 'strong independent woman' mode. I was slightly offended of the idea of woman as weak thing that without man at her side will constantly be at the mercy of the criminal element.
The second was with my own husband, the Help. Now the Help and I had been platonic friends for about a decade, so we had a relationship before amor came in. After marriage I noticed he was trying to take on more of the protector role, to which the 'strong independent woman' that was me responded with, "what the Hell?" In an animated discussion about my safety, he expressed concern (despite my years of being safe when the neighborhood was more dangerous) and I countered with asking about the safety of a single female neighbor. He responded that the neighbor I mentioned was not his wife.
In the two examples, the males were white and the females, black. I've heard similar sentiment from other white guys regarding their live in girlfriends and wives, where the guy was white. And from some women inquiring about moving to the neighborhood, hinting that they can't be safe without a guy (bf or husband).
My own father, a black man, never seemed to take on this role. It wasn't protection but honor and respect, where his interests. Other black women seemed to take on protection, in a motherly fashion. There are issues of manhood and masculinity in the Black community that I really can't address here, so I won't.
After marriage, I'm letting go of parts of the 'strong independent woman' and submitting (as I've decided to interpret it) to my husband. I've grown too attached to my husband to think of living independently without him. I allow him to drive me to work, so he can protect me from the bus ride I'll have to take after work. I allow him to be concerned about aspects of my safety that are much in his thoughts, while I continue to maintain and strengthen those areas of our safety that have not crossed his mind.

Gender, church, in the car with Mari

Before we were married, back when we were just friends, the Help would drive me home and to facilitate conversation, we'd have in-the-car-with-Mari questions. Sometimes these were deep, sometimes they were light and silly. Between have you found Jesus and in a fight who would win, Batman or Superman? Yes, and possibly Superman, if you wanted the answers. I recently got a kindle, and to reduce our ongoing fight about his driving. Seriously the only thing keeping him at the wheel is my inability to confidently drive a stick shift. The kindle has produced something to replace the in-the-car-with-Mari questions, it's me quoting from whatever book I'm reading and asking his thoughts on the matter.
I'm reading two books right now. Both on gender. One written by a woman, the other by a man. I got the one written by the guy because I would read something from the sample I had (I go through a lot of kindle samples) to the Help as he drove and he would ask questions that I knew well were far deeper in the book. So I wound up getting all of Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow. Mainly because it was only $2.99 for the kindle. Any more than $4 and I was going to wait till I was done with the other book.
We've also been listening, in part, very small on my end, to a radio program on a Christian station that has been talking about gender. We hear it when the Help is horribly spoiling me by driving me to work. I know, I should bike. Before and right after we married we also read Christian books on similar topics of gender and wives relationships to their husbands and vis versa. I'd hear part of it in the morning and he'd tell me more of what they said in the evening when we returned home.
To sum everything up. Men are different from women.  I know breaking news. Beside the physical aspects, men are different than women inside, in how we think and desire to interact with the world.
But going back to Murrow's book we have been talking about what the book says about American churches and our own church experience. The Help's church is healthy and growing. There is a good male presence in the pews. There are fathers with their families, lots of single men, and some married men sans their wives. The Help, on most Sundays is also sans spouse. This is the mirror opposite of a lot of churches according the Murrow book.
I like a church with a good healthy male presence. When there is singing I like hearing the depth of the male voice. There is hardly any singing at the mass I attend (totally fine with it) and I'm content with our mass though a more crowded mass is a healthier mass. We're kinda spread out in the big space so it is hard to judge the gender gap. But gender gap or not, it's a 15 minute walk from the house, the Saturday mass is short and I like the priest. But when I was an Anglican and church shopping, I preferred a nice healthy male presence.
Men, they're good to have around.