Sunday, July 17, 2016

Judgy Post- There is only one man who defines me and his name is Jesus

I have a small irritation with other women, it is those who define themselves by their romantic relationships. Or worse double down and move in/ shack up with some guy.

Yes, being single can suck. I was a 40 year old bride. I was single for at least 22 of my adult years. I never lived with a boyfriend, and did not date a lot (10 years not dating anyone), so I spent a lot of time not being in a romantic relationship. But on the plus side one of my needs for survival (shelter) was not wrapped up with another person who had no obligations to me. Thinking back to the number of times I broke up with Jochen, it was good that I could just cry about it in my own house, or the house I was sharing with roommates.

Even those not shacked up there is the constant serial monogamy. Just broke up? Find a new guy! The constant up and down roller coaster ride where she never gets off but just switches which car she's in. Yes, guys do it do, where they want you to judge them by the improvement in eye candy he has hanging from his arm. There might not be the same level of pressure to have someone around, so others can judge your worth.

The problem with being in constant relationship mode is you don't have time to really reflect who you really are when you're not trying to please, cajole, react to, placate, or consider a significant other. People are looking for their 'authentic' self, but how do you find that authentic person when you're not alone? How do you love yourself and learn to do so when you're constantly looking for others to do it for you; usually not you, but the idea of you.

I knew my worth, that I was loved and my G-d helped confirm it in the blood of his son. By the time it finally clicked and I understood that deep, deep love of Jesus, I was married..... which makes no sense.

I do love my husband. Trying to make him truly my other half has rubbed against my independent woman self. So independent woman gets the boot for the sake of marriage. But I see other women, not married, throwing their independent selves under the bus for some guy. The only man a woman should sacrifice her self, her life, is for Jesus, because he did it first, and better.

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