ok. I should be in bed.
But I'm having one of those rare depressed periods. I know it will pass but I can't rationalize it away, like I normally do. The problem is that the depression teamed up with anixiety. bastard.
I'm haunted by the phrase "For where your heart is, there your treasure will be also." There is something to that and it deeply saddens me. deeply. I won't go into it here. I just need to record it. so when this wave passes over me, I can remember.
Also my friends are a bitch to find. When I realized what was happening, I called up E, M, and J. Nearly C but he wallows in depression and figured that would be a bad move. Either no one answered their phone or they couldn't talk. I did reach B but our friendship is not strong enough ( I think) for me to lean on him. He was helpful. He did solve one problem. Couldn't call S because she has a ship load of problems worse than mine.
Pray for me.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
I'm not getting up for anything less than the risen Lord
To be fair I do listen to the more liberal end of the Episcopal church on my MP3 player among the more tranditionalist Catholic, Lutheran, Anglican and Non-Denom podcasts. But that is just one podcast, from Grace Cathedral in San Fran. Well anyway, I'm listening to one of their speakers and the priest and I'm just annoyed. Partially because they are Episcopalians. If they weren't I'd just happily ignore them. Second, they were dismissing subtlety the divinity of Christ, the virginity of Mary, and just being all gnostic.
It is a free country and they can think whatever they want, I don't have to agree with it. The problem is when those elements are in the same demonination as I, by remaining in the domination I am in a way accepting the apostasy. I don't.
Because really, there are better things I could do on a Sunday morning. Sleeping more is one of those things. Really, if I was going for a more comfortable theology I would be attending the Church of St. Mattress under the Holy Comforter every week. St. Mattress is a warm inviting church where Stained Glass Bluegrass plays (until I hit 'snooze'). I need the sacrament of the body and blood so even Bedside Baptist isn't my thing.
I don't go to church to hang out with nice people. There are some perfectly fine people in my neighborhood. All we need to do is have a "happy hour" and we're good.
No, it is the risen Lord. The Son of G-d that urges me, compells me out of bed. It is the Lamb of G-d who takes (taketh) away my sins and brings me closer to the Father that makes me want to bike up a hill, in a skirt to church. Nice Jewish philosophers, I don't need a church community or a priest for that. The Church of the Holy Comforter can accommodate books from Half and podcasts and don't require such effort.
It is a free country and they can think whatever they want, I don't have to agree with it. The problem is when those elements are in the same demonination as I, by remaining in the domination I am in a way accepting the apostasy. I don't.
Because really, there are better things I could do on a Sunday morning. Sleeping more is one of those things. Really, if I was going for a more comfortable theology I would be attending the Church of St. Mattress under the Holy Comforter every week. St. Mattress is a warm inviting church where Stained Glass Bluegrass plays (until I hit 'snooze'). I need the sacrament of the body and blood so even Bedside Baptist isn't my thing.
I don't go to church to hang out with nice people. There are some perfectly fine people in my neighborhood. All we need to do is have a "happy hour" and we're good.
No, it is the risen Lord. The Son of G-d that urges me, compells me out of bed. It is the Lamb of G-d who takes (taketh) away my sins and brings me closer to the Father that makes me want to bike up a hill, in a skirt to church. Nice Jewish philosophers, I don't need a church community or a priest for that. The Church of the Holy Comforter can accommodate books from Half and podcasts and don't require such effort.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Rethinking Easter
I've done it so long that it has become Tradition, note big T. I don't go to church Christmas or Easter. I leave it for the folks who never bother showing up for the other Sundays of the year. But this year, the excuse rang hollow.
I still despise crowds, which is the main reason I don't bother with church on the popular days. But I really can't take a break from G-d. I don't want to take a break from G-d. How do you take a break from someone you love? Particularly, if that someone you love is everwhere at all times and very unescapable?
So I am reconsidering taking a break from Church on Easter. But you don't mess with Tradition on a whim. No. It requires thought. Preparation. Incomprensable papers and some gobbly-gook about the Lord is doing a new thing. Actually the Lord is not doing a new thing. He's doing the same old thing, it is me that is changing.
So I've been thinking. Maybe, next year. Easter at someone's 5 o'clock service. A & St.A had a pitiful sinner's service at 5 with 3-4 parishioners. Maybe there is a crowd on Easter but it can't be that much of a crowd. The Church of the Gay Lawyers doesn't have a 5 o'clock communion service and I don't remember if the Church of the Really, Really Blonde People has 5 o'clock service on Easter. Even if they did it could be packed as there were a number of people who showed up on the days I wandered in.
Of course, speaking with Bruce last night before konking off to sleep and he said that Easter Vigil, which I did attend for the 1st time as an Anglican, counts for Easter Sunday. So I've already screwed with Tradition when I attended.
I still despise crowds, which is the main reason I don't bother with church on the popular days. But I really can't take a break from G-d. I don't want to take a break from G-d. How do you take a break from someone you love? Particularly, if that someone you love is everwhere at all times and very unescapable?
So I am reconsidering taking a break from Church on Easter. But you don't mess with Tradition on a whim. No. It requires thought. Preparation. Incomprensable papers and some gobbly-gook about the Lord is doing a new thing. Actually the Lord is not doing a new thing. He's doing the same old thing, it is me that is changing.
So I've been thinking. Maybe, next year. Easter at someone's 5 o'clock service. A & St.A had a pitiful sinner's service at 5 with 3-4 parishioners. Maybe there is a crowd on Easter but it can't be that much of a crowd. The Church of the Gay Lawyers doesn't have a 5 o'clock communion service and I don't remember if the Church of the Really, Really Blonde People has 5 o'clock service on Easter. Even if they did it could be packed as there were a number of people who showed up on the days I wandered in.
Of course, speaking with Bruce last night before konking off to sleep and he said that Easter Vigil, which I did attend for the 1st time as an Anglican, counts for Easter Sunday. So I've already screwed with Tradition when I attended.
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