Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Marriage and loss

I've gotten married and I am starting to lose things. Not my mind, just stuff.
Before I got married I had two waiter's corkscrews. Now I have none. Where did they go? Dozens of roommates, and I kept those two corkscrews. One husband... BAM! They are gone.
Same for a really nice sweatshirt I had since 1988. I got it in Paris. Now, it is no where to be found.
I had some folding chairs but I think my aunt may have run off with those.
There are non-material things too. There went my sense of independence. When I was single, I was very comfortable being alone. I liked my own company and was at peace with my own thoughts. Now I yearn for my husband and to be near him. I worry about his commute. I need him. The old single me, who exists in a corner in my mind is very annoyed at the needy yearny woman developing. That single self also got annoyed at women who defined themselves by their men. I still think I mostly define myself outside of my role as wife. And even inside that wife role, I am trying to define what my roles are, as the Help also tries to figure out how to play out 'husband'.